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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think high heels look a bit silly?

310 replies

postingfortraffichere · 21/09/2021 21:06

I'm a sucker for them (or used to be) but the more time goes by I'm starting to feel they have very little place in my wardrobe.

I feel overdressed and try to hard in them. I think it's hard to pull off the effortless look in heels. But I also feel like something is missing when I don't wear them on a night out for example.

I feel like it's yet another pointless trend for women to continue following - that are really uncomfortable and serve no real purpose.

I've also noticed younger women rarely wear them - have they seen the light?!

Or AIBU for feeling this way

OP posts:
Slothkin · 22/09/2021 07:52

I bloody love heels but I have weird feet - I walk on my tip-toes naturally, so heels are really comfy. My podiatrist has insisted on hard-soled flats so I’m grumpily stomping about at the moment!

5128gap · 22/09/2021 07:53

@BoredZelda

And some flat shoes can make the wearer look dumpy, which isn't a youthful look.

And yet nobody suggests men look “dumpy” in flat shoes. Women are expected to wear crippling shoes to somehow look less “dumpy”?

I never got on with heels of any kind. I had a brief moment when I bought some chunky heeled boots when I first met my tall husband, I’m really short. After about 3 weeks, I send them to charity as they were just so uncomfortable. I’m happy in my flat soles, happy with my height and don’t need a pair of shoes to boost my self esteem.

Some women can carry them off, but most often the women I’ve seen walking in them look like they have shit themselves as they walk. Very unattractive.

Men's clothing is generally judged on the garment itself, how expensive or fashionable it is. Women's clothing is judged on how it far enhances the appearance of the wearer. In that way the flat shoe trend is a move in the right direction as generally they are worn for comfort or fashion not because the woman thinks they improve her appearance, so it really shouldn't matter if they look dumpy or not. Which incidently is far less derogatory than the comments about women in heels, including your own. If you want to use a conversation about shoes to make a feminist point, criticising the way other women walk doesn't help.
arield · 22/09/2021 07:54

@Pissinthepottyplease

The latest You’re Dead to me podcast (think horrible histories for grown ups) is all about the history of high heels. Apparently they were originally worn by men.
They were to keep riders' stirrups in the correct place. Then it went from there.
arield · 22/09/2021 08:00

[quote postingfortraffichere]@EarringsandLipstick I guess I never thought about shorter women - that makes sense.

I suppose being a bit shorter I can totally see why heels would maybe be a preference. [/quote]
Why?

What's wrong with being shorter?

JustLyra · 22/09/2021 08:03

I don’t really get why people can’t choose to not wear heels without being so snide about people who do. It’s baffling the way women often can’t resist being nasty about other women who make different choices.

Flat ballerina shoes are just as bad for your feet as heels, just in a different way.

I love heels, always have because I like being slightly taller than my short arse height. However, I’ve always only ever worn heels that fit properly (the lack of half sizes in a lot of shoe brands is why you see so many people walking out of their shoes) and my Nana always said “only wear heels you can run in as muggers don’t discriminate on shoe height”. I used to run for the bus most days in heels (the joys of an hourly service!).

It’s funny that people are so adamant that young people don’t do heels - some don’t. DD2 wouldn’t be seen dead in heels. DD1 however - she and her mates are still into the highest heels they can walk in.

Original poster
postingfortraffichere · 22/09/2021 08:07

@arield nothing is wrong with being shorter, don't try and twist this into 'OP is now short bashing' because I'm not - at a guess it may be irritating for the person when your eyeline is much lower than everyone else's if you're incredibly short.

Though I have no idea, it was another poster who is short that said this so maybe ask that poster

OP posts:
PinkTonic · 22/09/2021 08:09

I think high heels can look good and I’ve always appreciated a bit of extra height in certain circumstances. I hate that some women who obviously struggle with them still clearly feel they need to wear them though, so it’s great that more comfortable and practical options are fashionable now. I won’t be wearing very high heels again but if I do plan a day in the office and pull out a more formal workwear outfit I might wear mid heels, or then again i might wear brogues or flatform loafers.

Ethelfromnumber73 · 22/09/2021 08:11

I'm the height of an average 12 year old- it doesn't change that heels are ridiculous

Sunshineandflipflops · 22/09/2021 08:11

I used to wear heels for work (not really high ones, just a couple of inches or so) as I like how I feel them but as I have been WFH for 18 months I hadn't worn any until I went out for dinner at the weekend and I was so uncomfortable in them. Took them off as soon as I got in.

It wasn't just the heel aspect, it was wearing a very close fitting shoe when my feet have been used to loose sliders/sandals/trainers for the past 18 months.

user1471538283 · 22/09/2021 08:12

I'm small and I've always loved high heels. But now I'm older I just cant do it anymore. Should I ever go out in the evening to dinner I might force a pair on. But I used to dance all night in them. Nah.

AwkwardSquad · 22/09/2021 08:16

Loathe them, prefer to be able to walk and run with freedom. But... when I was younger, I did sometimes yearn but have wobbly ankles so would just topple over. Occasionally managed to topple over in flats and bare feet, so heels = definite no unless quite blocky. These days, it's trainers, walking boots and DMs all the way.

hennybeans · 22/09/2021 08:18

Just like DH has got a wardrobe full of ties and suits from 10-15 years ago that have gone out of fashion, women's clothing and footwear has moved towards the comfortable and casual. Thank goodness.

I'm quite tall with big feet so I never wore heels, bar the odd very painful night or two in my teens. But even the flat shoes I chose tend to be more dressy then my early teen DD. She only wears school shoes, trainers, or Dr martens with sparkly laces which are her dressed up look.

We drove past a couple the other day who looked to be just out for a walk in casual clothing. Man had jeans and trainers, walking in a normal stride. The woman was wearing shorts with the most ridiculous 3 inch strappy sandals and was half hobbling, half jogging in tiny steps to keep up with the man. I bet she was in agony, the man was oblivious. She clearly hadn't got the message that women don't need to do that to themselves anymore.

Sandinmyknickers · 22/09/2021 08:21

@postingfortraffichere

Yes there's something about wearing flats in the evening that makes someone appear MORE confident - as if they don't care quite as much about being judged on their appearance! Maybe I'm being harsh
Effortless chic is in.. and way sexier in my opinion But to be honest, and sorry if this sounds harsh OP, I think women in heels, if not for a special event (wedding, graduation etc), just on a night out, comes across as a bit try hard 18 year old who is going out for the first time. And after a few drinks, even if not drunk, a slight totter makes you look way worse. I don't know any women over the age of say 23 who would regularly wear heels on nights out. They still look fab in what they're wearing and they move with far more confidence
myusernamewastakenbyme · 22/09/2021 08:24

I love heels...i feel smarter and more dressed up....but then i do not own a pair of trainers and hate this fashion for wearing trainers with summer dresses.
Trainers should be for sports only.

Ansjovis · 22/09/2021 08:26

From some of the replies in this thread it's a good job I do not care about what's in fashion. I like wearing heels and don't find them particularly uncomfortable, given that I wear and dance in 8 inch platform heels 4 inches seems like nothing to me.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 22/09/2021 08:27

I’ve never loved a fad more than the current ‘trainers with everything’ fad. I hope it stays.

VestaTilley · 22/09/2021 08:31

YANBU. They’re shit and are really bad for your back and legs.

I’m 35 and never wear them, except for the now very rare occasions when I go to a wedding or fancy restaurant. For work etc I wear smart black flats.

As I get older I feel really uncomfortable with how girls are effectively groomed from birth to look pretty, and be objectified- ear piercing, heels, makeup, hair dye, nails - all ways of telling us we’re not ok as we are, and exist to look decorative for men. Well, screw that.

Original poster
postingfortraffichere · 22/09/2021 08:31

The history behind high heels is also very interesting and quite sad really;

Men stopped wearing heels after the Enlightenment Era because it started getting associated with non-practicality, femininity and women's sexuality. ... Unlike how heels are used today, they were used in the past for actual purposes, not just 'high' fashion (pun intended).

OP posts:
Original poster
postingfortraffichere · 22/09/2021 08:32

@VestaTilley

YANBU. They’re shit and are really bad for your back and legs.

I’m 35 and never wear them, except for the now very rare occasions when I go to a wedding or fancy restaurant. For work etc I wear smart black flats.

As I get older I feel really uncomfortable with how girls are effectively groomed from birth to look pretty, and be objectified- ear piercing, heels, makeup, hair dye, nails - all ways of telling us we’re not ok as we are, and exist to look decorative for men. Well, screw that.

This, is how I'm starting to feel about them too. It's sad.
OP posts:
Sommernacht89 · 22/09/2021 08:32

High heels ruin your feet and look naff and old fashionend.it is usually women with horrid lipfiller,fake tan and caked on make up,who wears high heels.yuk!!

Macncheeseballs · 22/09/2021 08:33

Justlyra - how can a ballet pump be just as bad for you as a high heel, I've only ever had blisters or pain from the latter

traintraveller · 22/09/2021 08:35

@Ansjovis

From some of the replies in this thread it's a good job I do not care about what's in fashion. I like wearing heels and don't find them particularly uncomfortable, given that I wear and dance in 8 inch platform heels 4 inches seems like nothing to me.
I don't care what's in fashion either, I like what I like. I certainly don't care what mumsnet posters think is in fashion
DeepaBeesKit · 22/09/2021 08:43

I'm glad they've gone out of fashion.

The whole point of footwear is to be comfortable and protect your feet. Most traditional mens footwear does this. Yet women are (or at least were) expected to hobble about in crippling shoes. It was awful and they are terrible for your feet too. No plans to wear them again.

ShaunaTheSheep · 22/09/2021 08:43

Sorry, I have only skimmed the thread but regarding being 'short', flatforms and chunky trainers are great for adding an inch without crippling the wearer. No young people I know would be seen dead in high heels even with formal wear.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 22/09/2021 08:45

@Macncheeseballs

Justlyra - how can a ballet pump be just as bad for you as a high heel, I've only ever had blisters or pain from the latter
It is true, flat shoes like a ballet pump offer no support under your foot. You may not have issues from wearing them right now but it is likely it will have an impact on you in later life.