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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be sick of men..

189 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 21/09/2021 14:01

Caught by accident two family men known to me discussing how they'd 'got their own pictures' of a dance teacher who was teaching their 6 year old daughters. They were with their wives and children, both supposedly Christian - both in their early 30s so not a generational thing as is often trotted out. It occured to me that when they were dating their wives they would have been MORTIFIED for these new shiny women to hear them being so gross yet now the wives have committed, given them children, become part of the furniture they are supposed to listen to any old shit.
And yes, I know that there are loads of you who will say 'my DH /DP would never dream of doing this' so obviously I am not talking about them- is anyone else just fed up of continually being disappointed even by men you previously liked or trusted?
I know I am being ranty but i'm going with it!

OP posts:
mrwalkensir · 21/09/2021 16:11

Whilst I have very lovely friends in the church, there is definitely a subdivision of male churchgoers who are very pervy, but get away with it "by being Christian". A friend hated taking bible study classes as she said there were always people using it to look for loopholes, eg that it is OK to hit your wife...

SJWsAtItAgain · 21/09/2021 16:12

@seaandsandcastles

And I’m sure there are lots of men who are just sick of women for X, Y and X.

Men aren’t one homogeneous group so don’t treat them like one.

I agree with you.

Those who're rolling their eyes, saying "the 'notallmen' are here", "didnt take long", etc, I hope you also accept if some people write "aibu to be sick of white people" because of the actions of some. Hope you don't "not all white people" them too.Hmm

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 16:16

@LifesNotDoneYet

Well she says they 'got their own pictures' not personal pictures. But of a dance teacher standing with her class of 6 year olds.

Again, I'm really not saying men aren't shits because many of them are. It would just be a massive leap to go from overhearing them saying that, in that scenario, to 'they've probably cropped out the kids and they are going to use them for wanking and now they are discussing it'

Yes, it would be a massive leap. But presumably OP started the thread because the tone, body language, choice of words, fact the men were caught discussing it privately out of ear shot suggested it was not innocent or irrelevant.

They've made a point of having their own pictures of the teacher. They've had a men's only discussion about it. They've not actually mentioned their kids. Something about how it was said has upset and disgusted OP enough to start a thread about it.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/09/2021 16:17

@seaandsandcastles

And I’m sure there are lots of men who are just sick of women for X, Y and X.

Men aren’t one homogeneous group so don’t treat them like one.

Is that you, Piers?
OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 16:20

And LifesNotDoneYet OP also addressed a pp who had a similar point;

Porridgealert
So the dance teacher posed with the children and the fathers took “their own picture” of the dance teacher and their child? Hang 'em high, that's what I say!.

no, the picture was taken and they made a sleazy comment about getting their own pictures of her to wank to.

So there was no doubt about what she heard and the intent behind it.

OneTC · 21/09/2021 16:21

Those who're rolling their eyes, saying "the 'notallmen' are here", "didnt take long", etc, I hope you also accept if some people write "aibu to be sick of white people" because of the actions of some. Hope you don't "not all white people" them too.hmm

Seriously most people just realise it's the case without needing to state it. The op even qualified it in the first post in attempt to stave off idiots

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 21/09/2021 16:22

Sadly YANBU OP.

SJWsAtItAgain · 21/09/2021 16:29

Seriously most people just realise it's the case without needing to state it. The op even qualified it in the first post in attempt to stave off idiots

How convenient. Surprisingly, "most people" don't seem to realise it when they're the 'offending group' and being talked about generally. You see it all over mn. It just HAS TO BE stated any other time. Idiots as well, are they? Funny that.

Recessed · 21/09/2021 16:30

I've come to the conclusion that most men are creepy to varying degrees. I don't care for the NAMALT crowd at all as I think this discourse just shields the real issue - that men are to blame for most of the world's problems. More education targeted towards males is really needed, as women generally don't need lessons in how not to be a pervert.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 21/09/2021 16:31

The intent was definitely clear - I haven't misread it.

OP posts:
Porridgealert · 21/09/2021 16:31

@OuiOuiBonjour.
"fact the men were caught discussing it privately out of ear shot suggested it was not innocent or irrelevant."

Why? They were with their wives and children and were just chatting together. I had coffee with a friend yesterday. We were talking privately but that doesn't mean that what we were saying could be taken as automatically gross.
I mean if they said I have a picture to wank over, that's horrible, but that's not what the op said. She never mentioned wanking. She said that "they'd got their own pictures" which could mean anything. She only later claimed they said they were going to use it for wanking, but it's unclear whether that's just her interpretation or not.

Holly60 · 21/09/2021 16:32

@EatYourVegetables

But YANBU, that behaviour is disguising and I expect not many women would engage in something similar.
I’ve definitely heard mums standing watching their sons play rugby and making comments about the coach. But I do have to say it is somehow worse when it is men saying it about women. I don’t know why….
OneTC · 21/09/2021 16:33

No generally I think that people that fell the need to state the obvious and derail the conservation so that it's about namalt rather than about the failings of some men (or substitute whichever group you want cyclists/motorists/white people, police) are fucking idiots, normally with some kind of self perceived barely disguised "anti woke" agenda

Recessed · 21/09/2021 16:33

*They are, however, responsible for over 80% of violent crime, 98% of sexual offences & manage to murder the equivalent of 3 women every week in the UK!

Yes OP, any woman paying attention is sick of men &, sadly, if more women faced the facts, rather than attempting to shut down this conversation with ridiculous false equivalences, we could actually start to tackle the scourge of male violence & entitlement.*

Articulated perfectly IMO

AMALT · 21/09/2021 16:37

@SJWsAtItAgain your name says everything I need to know about you. Yawn. As does mine

Antinerak · 21/09/2021 16:37

Other than my husband I don't know of any men in my life that haven't let me down. There's always something they do that remind me how little they value women.

SJWsAtItAgain · 21/09/2021 16:38

I'm not part of the a namalt crowd. I'm part of the hypocrisy crowd. If you reject people talking about women, white women, black women, Asian women, etc in a generalised manner, then don't do so to any other group. Doing so makes you a hypocrite. Simple.

You can call people idiots all you want, doesn't make you sound clever. Just pathetic.

Not trying to derail the thread. If you didn't reply to mine, I wouldn't have posted again. It takes two or more to derail a thread.

Dervel · 21/09/2021 16:41

I’m a bloke, I’m not remotely offended by any woman pointing out this stuff. It’s part of the reason I have avoided most all male groups most of my life.

SJWsAtItAgain · 21/09/2021 16:41

[quote AMALT]@SJWsAtItAgain your name says everything I need to know about you. Yawn. As does mine[/quote]
Yawn. And mentioning a username like you've said something profound tells me all I need to know about you. Not the first time someone would think that's a 'gotcha'. My username could just as easily be flowersandkittens. Means nothing but I use it for people like you who think they've sussed someone out by their username. 🙄

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/09/2021 16:42

@SJWsAtItAgain

I'm not part of the a namalt crowd. I'm part of the hypocrisy crowd. If you reject people talking about women, white women, black women, Asian women, etc in a generalised manner, then don't do so to any other group. Doing so makes you a hypocrite. Simple.

You can call people idiots all you want, doesn't make you sound clever. Just pathetic.

Not trying to derail the thread. If you didn't reply to mine, I wouldn't have posted again. It takes two or more to derail a thread.

Sexual harassment of women by men is endemic. Women are allowed to acknowledge this.
SJWsAtItAgain · 21/09/2021 16:44

Sexual harassment of women by men is endemic. Women are allowed to acknowledge this.

Who says women aren't? Of course they should.

AMALT · 21/09/2021 16:46

@SJWsAtItAgain if your name was flowersandkittens you’d still expose yourself as soon as you posted any of your drivel Smile

ThePearSquare · 21/09/2021 16:53

Yep, absolutely sick of them.
I’m sick the pervy, creepy, stalky ones.
I’m sick of the sexist, rapist, murdering ones. I’m sick of the paedophiles who shout disgusting things at schoolgirls out of car windows every time I take my daughter to school, thankfully not to my 4 year old, but they’ll happily shout out to 11 year olds walking alone.
I’m SICK of the men who make excuses for the other shit head men they surround themselves with and know by extension as “it’s just a joke”.
It’s not a fucking joke, this is our fucking lives. Every. Fucking. Day.
The world would be a better place without the vast majority of them, and I’m not even sorry if you’re offended. Nothing can change my mind so don’t bother lecturing me men of the internet, your thoughts and feelings mean exactly nothing to me.
Oh, and my absolutely wonderful husband agrees. Men are fucking terrible.

Clocktopus · 21/09/2021 16:55

I’ve definitely heard mums standing watching their sons play rugby and making comments about the coach. But I do have to say it is somehow worse when it is men saying it about women. I don’t know why….

Probably because the women are less likely to try and take it any further than a "phwoar, look at him", are less likely to sexually assault the coach, are less likely to sexually harass him, and the coach is less likely to be not be taken seriously by his peers because of it.

TrotOnCharlie · 21/09/2021 16:58

In the 90s I thought we'd see the decline of this sort of thing in my lifetime. In 2021 with two teen daughter's I feel so sad that this chat has changed but not improved.
The easy access and social acceptance of online pornography has not helped. Women may laugh about the 'wank bank' but men actually devote time and share their pride in those carefully curated images. Keep it private.