to just be sick of men..

[crochetmonkey74]

Caught by accident two family men known to me discussing how they'd 'got their own pictures' of a dance teacher who was teaching their 6 year old daughters. They were with their wives and children, both supposedly Christian - both in their early 30s so not a generational thing as is often trotted out. It occured to me that when they were dating their wives they would have been MORTIFIED for these new shiny women to hear them being so gross yet now the wives have committed, given them children, become part of the furniture they are supposed to listen to any old shit.
And yes, I know that there are loads of you who will say 'my DH /DP would never dream of doing this' so obviously I am not talking about them- is anyone else just fed up of continually being disappointed even by men you previously liked or trusted?
I know I am being ranty but i'm going with it!

@OuiOuiBonjour

Ugh - been there! I used to work in an afterschool club, had regularly encountered a "creepy Dad" at pick up, "awwww miss I'm feeling scared too will you hold my hand?", "oooooh Miss, I've been a naughty boy, are you going to put me in the naughty corner?" Really gave me the creeps. Frequently attended with his wife, who just used to roll her eyes and look angry at me when he made these comments that I was uncomfortable with. I was probably 15 years their junior. Didn't entertain any of his crap, just swiftly moved him on.

Anyway one day, his 6 year old pipes up "You're a good dancer, Miss."

"Erm, ok Frankie. Not sure you've ever seen me dance. But thanks for the random compliment!"

"I HAVE seen you dance!!! You were shaking your bum!!!"

"Ok, well anyway Frankie we are moving on to a different activity now."

"You were dancing on my daddy's phone."

"I don't think that's quite right Frankie, your Daddy has never seen me dance or taken videos of me. Please don't say things like that."

"I HAVE SEEN YOU DANCING ON MY DADDY'S PHONE!!! YOU ARE BEING MEAN. YOU WERE WEARING RED AND GOLD CLOTHES AND SHOWING YOUR BELLY OFF. MY DADDY DOES HAVE PICTURES OF YOU ON HIS PHONE!!!! I am. NOT making it up. In one you are wearing a PURPLE dress and holding hands with a boy and there's one of you in a green dress with your hair down and in another you are wearing an orange skirt and there are lots and lots of them!!!!!"

The bastard had googled me and found pictures and youtube videos of me in dance shows and competitions from many many years ago when I was mainly at school or uni. Footage from when I was between 17 and 19 and they were pretty hard to find unless you went down an internet rabbit hole because I am so private. He must have found my name on the staff list, then googled it, then seen I'd trained at a certain dance school about 10 years before, then looked on youtube and local newspaper articles with that school mentioned and rough dates of when I'd have been there. And he'd downloaded them onto his phone. I can only imagine why.

Guess who became the new town pastor two years ago?

Yep. Men can be gross.

I can't imagine a situation where a woman would do that.

BUT REMEMBER NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT SO WHY ARE YOU DISTRESSED

/sarcasm off

That's utterly terrifying.

As they say, it's the hope that kills you-

It's just older men...It's just locker room talk.... it's generational ...then young, supposedly modern 'woke' men are like it as well

when will they get better??

So the dance teacher posed with the children and the fathers took “their own picture” of the dance teacher and their child? Hang 'em high, that's what I say!.

@EatYourVegetables

Congratulations OP, you got a #notallmen in 1 reply.

That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? Even for Mumsnet.

@Porridgealert

So the dance teacher posed with the children and the fathers took “their own picture” of the dance teacher and their child? Hang 'em high, that's what I say!.

no, the picture was taken and they made a sleazy comment about getting their own pictures of her to wank to.

@OuiOuiBonjour that is terrifying.

Now let’s all go back to the first comment and see how “some women do bad things too”.

It's the level of disgust really, that I felt at him, that was the worst rather than the scary aspect of it. I didn't encounter him through dance or as a teenager but he'd gone out of his way to have pictures of me in an old childhood hobby for "his personal use". And then knowing his boys were being raised by someone like him (they would make inappropriately flirty comments or "moves" like a wink or a "kerching! get in their lad!" which they'd clearly observed or been taught) and that his wife, instead of calling him out, was rude to me (and presumably any younger woman he tried it on with).

And then of course he became a pastor. With access to lots of, often quite vulnerable women and girls.

I encountered him at a wedding he concelebrated (he was invited to the reception) a couple of years ago and he was still perving after me and trying to listen in on conversations with other guests about my new workplace and hobbies no matter how I tried to avoid him like the plague.

I'm sure he'll never be on a register or actually physically do anything illegal. He'll just have a good wank in private to perfectly legal images and people will excuse his "risque" sense of humour. And he's not the only one out there. That's the actual scary part.

@shrodingersbiscuit

Heard something the other day which I feel is apt for some here.

Of course it's not all men. But if someone gave you a box of chocolates, and one was filled with a tiny piece of poo, you'd be a bit cautious of all the chocolates wouldn't you?

NO! That would be unfair to all the chocolates- I'd just eat them and put up with them and if I was terrified I'd just get on with it and be grateful and I'd make sure I was quiet about it in case a man walked past and got distracted while about his man business.

@shrodingersbiscuit

Heard something the other day which I feel is apt for some here.

Of course it's not all men. But if someone gave you a box of chocolates, and one was filled with a tiny piece of poo, you'd be a bit cautious of all the chocolates wouldn't you?

Not really a fan of that saying considering where it originated.

Pretty sure that's not the origin of the concept

Middle aged man with responsibilities in church with late teen daughters.

The comments he made about successfully getting tickets to watch the Olympic volleyball and of course only the female players.

I felt sick and disgusted both at the comments and that he thought it appropriate to share with the everyone and anyone.

Not all men, but too fucking many.

@OneTC

Pretty sure that's not the origin of the concept

You're probably right, I think it was this variation that bacame a popular meme when Donald Trump Jr tweeted something similar.

*became

You'd think that, if there was a god, he'd have come up with something better than men. They never fail to disappoint, in my experience.

Middle aged ones are often remarkably stroppy. They must feel themselves declining and set out to prove they're still virile or something. The government should put something in the water to shut them up.

just saw it's Donald Trump Jr. That explains why it makes no sense I suppose

It's probably been around for donkeys, just the last five years it seems to be used by various hate groups.

But did they actually say it was pictures to wank to? Pictures of their child with a dance teacher?! from what you've posted it just sounds like they were saying they had got the photos they wanted/needed in the same way the mums had...

I'm not disagreeing with you conceptually, as yes, I have been disappointed with various men that I've thought at first were decent or nice and they've done or said something gross.

@seaandsandcastles

And I’m sure there are lots of men who are just sick of women for X, Y and X.

Men aren’t one homogeneous group so don’t treat them like one.

Here we go. Generally women are getting sick of being sexually harassed, according to statistics there's a very very slim chance that men will be bothered about women in that aspect. Grow up.

@seaandsandcastles

And I’m sure there are lots of men who are just sick of women for X, Y and X.

Men aren’t one homogeneous group so don’t treat them like one.

They are, however, responsible for over 80% of violent crime, 98% of sexual offences & manage to murder the equivalent of 3 women every week in the UK!

Yes OP, any woman paying attention is sick of men &, sadly, if more women faced the facts, rather than attempting to shut down this conversation with ridiculous false equivalences, we could actually start to tackle the scourge of male violence & entitlement.

@LifesNotDoneYet

But did they actually say it was pictures to wank to? Pictures of their child with a dance teacher?! from what you've posted it just sounds like they were saying they had got the photos they wanted/needed in the same way the mums had...

I'm not disagreeing with you conceptually, as yes, I have been disappointed with various men that I've thought at first were decent or nice and they've done or said something gross.

OP says in quotes that they boasted "got their own personal pictures" of the dance teacher, presumably directly quoting them.

"personal pictures" is a well known euphemism for wank fodder.

The children aren't necessarily in the pictures the fathers took. The likliehood is that they zoomed in on the teacher only. Or they later cropped the children out.

It happens. A lot.

@seaandsandcastles

And I’m sure there are lots of men who are just sick of women for X, Y and X.

Men aren’t one homogeneous group so don’t treat them like one.

How about Not All Snakes? You're dropped into a pit of snakes. Only a few of them are poisonous.

Well she says they 'got their own pictures' not personal pictures. But of a dance teacher standing with her class of 6 year olds.

Again, I'm really not saying men aren't shits because many of them are. It would just be a massive leap to go from overhearing them saying that, in that scenario, to 'they've probably cropped out the kids and they are going to use them for wanking and now they are discussing it'

Congratulations to @seaandsandcastles on excellent work in the category of Speed-NAMALT 🏆

YANBU, @crochetmonkey74. Every time I think I am jaded and inured to their toxic masculinity bullshit, another group of men lowers the bar even further.