Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

[guac]

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

Surely it depends on so many variables!
The biggest has got to be, what job is your alternative to SAHMing? I am a police officer and luckily am allowed to take a career break so am not currently working but have a job to go back to when youngest is in pre school. Perfect scenario for me.

My day job as a response officer was so much harder than being a SAHM. Half the people you meet hate you and would happily kill you, the other half respect you but don't actually want you there because they're victims of crime and no one actually wants that. We're slagged off in the press and social media, when we go to work we go knowing someone will try to spit at us or hit us at some point, we do get paid well and pensions etc (not as good as the old days of course!) but it's physically and mentally a tough job. The only upside is the team you work with getting you through the shit.

My home life is a dream. OK I still get dribbled on and kicked but I love the people who are doing it, this time.

I get to plan my days however I like, already used to shift work and nights so awful nights aren't quite so awful, can do shopping, cooking, washing at my own pace.

Anyone who thinks being a SAHM is harder than their job must have a bloomin lush job!

Working full time is definitely harder , you are still a parent and need to organise childcare , travel , work deadlines , run a home and look after children once home so never get any me time.

@Samafe

DC below school age and always at home? SAHM role is very draining from mental perspective

School aged DC? SAHM is a dream

Yep, I have an under preschool age DC and a school aged one. So much easier when they are at preschool/ school for some of the time. You can actually achieve stuff.

I found being at home harder when I was on maternity leave. I imagine it would be a lot easier now my dc are older and at school.

Perhaps I should say it would be differently hard. I think I'd have less to do but I think I'd be more unhappy. I love my job.

It totally depends on the age (and number) of children, household income, how supportive/equal a relationship you have with your partner, how many opportunities you have for time to yourself etc etc etc. such a personal thing and impossible to give a definite answer to as in many ways, you’re not comparing like for like!

SAHM harder preschool. Vastly easier once school starts.

@guac

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

I think it depends on individuals and tbh their personalities I know SAHP who struggle with managing it all, but they were struggling with the when working too. The bottom line is if your badly organised & can’t be bothered, you won’t be able to make either option work.

I've done both, including FT work in a demanding career with long commute into Central London. Definitely being at home was harder!

I love my work, I find it rewarding and interesting. Dh and I are both going to have to find time to cook meals and do the washing and tidy up regardless of how much we're working, but neither of us find that rewarding. It's boring and felt a bit pointless. While cramming in everything can be challenging in busy weeks, it feels worth it because I'm happier doing it.

It also means that with the balance of both of us working, dh has the flexibility to be home with them more, which he would miss out on if he was the only one working. Ultimately, I think that's a lot easier on both of us and also better for the dc than just being with me all the time.

It completely depends on the person, the nature of each of the "jobs" and how much effort they put into each of the "jobs".

I havent read the thread as we know where its going to end up but you can't compare the 2 in such general terms, its just ridiculous.

Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

You dont need to, there will plenty that will come along to do that for you !! Same old, same old

Completely depends

I found working ft with a nanny easier but lots of factors add up either way

And yes agree with pp once they go to school etc it’s vastly easier to be home

SAHM, it's horrific. You lose your marbles and your quality of life and your self-confidence.

I don’t think one is harder or easier, they just have very different challenges.

I feel like I a best of both worlds scenario at this point because I’m a high wage earner even working part-time. So I get some of the flexibility of a SAHM, but also some of the ability to solve problems with money that working can bring.

WFT definitely. SAHM is basically self-employed minus the pay, you get to set your own schedule and do what you want most of the time.

WFT means you're constantly having to deal with other people and their problems, plus when you get home you still have to do all the cooking/cleaning tasks in the evening or at weekend because you were out at work all day in the week.

SAHP is harder as you end up taking on far more and there’s no definite start and end to your working hours if that makes sense

Sahp is far harder work.

Wahp is hard too as you have to be ruthlessly organised and don’t get a minute to sit down even though you have been at work all day. (When you “work” all day the brain thinks that’s an entitlement to do nothing as a reward.

I find working so much easier than being at home! I am just not naturally domestic or maternal and can only manage it for short bursts. I love the time I do have with my DD (I work 4 days) and appreciate that it can be purely focused on enjoyment and family. We have a cleaner and share all other jobs equally so I don’t feel like I carry all the domestic load as well as working.

My childhood experiences of growing up in relative poverty made me very focused on ensuring my financial freedom and providing financial security for my children to have advantages that I didn’t. I’d struggle to give that up and be dependent.

Errrr... it completely depends on the job and the kids and the individual! Absolutely meaningless 'would you rather' without more detail.

My only experience of SAHMing is maternity leave and it was way, way harder than any kind of paid work I’ve ever done.

My only experience was on mat leave too.

Now I am working FT from home as well as doing after school activities and housekeeping etc. Pretty sure if I didn't work I would have a lot more time for myself so no brainer what is easier.

Both can be incredibly boring but I much prefer not working ft anymore and don't envy my husband one bit when he goes to work.

My two are now at school so I have lots of free time but even when they were little I could go out everyday with them or sit and do nothing while they were asleep.

I'm self employed and work pt from home 2 days a week, I always said I'd go back ft once they started school but now the time is here I have no desire whatsoever to give up my free days.

I think part-time is the sweet spot, just from personal experience. I am self-employed and work Mondays and Fridays and the rest of the time DD is at home. I do a couple of evenings a week too, That feels like a good balance for us. I need to work - I couldn't manage to be a SAHM all the time as I think I would find that quite hard going - but I also like the time we have together.

But as to what is 'hardest', there are so many variables, such as the type of job, your temperament and personality, your child's temperament, family dynamic and set-up, etc. It's just totally an individual thing.

I've done both. Found working full time a million times harder than SAHP. Bad night of sleep when working? Still have to get up and concentrate all day. As a SAHP if the little ones have had a bad night then the next day you can take it easy (ish!) and have a quiet day in the house. SAHP means bags and bags of time to do general life tasks like food shop, eye tests etc whenever you please. No cramming it all into a weekend for example. But, on the flip side, SAHP can be very dull and depressing at times and can make you lose your confidence. It always makes me feel a bit useless and a bit lazy I guess. The best for me is working part time, say three days a week. Best of both worlds.

Well done for thinking of the most goady thread to start.
Neither one is harder than the other. Whether someone finds it hard to do one or the other depends on so many different factors, not only number of children or type of job, but also financial circumstances, mental and physical health, support network, home circumstances, academic and practical experience, interest, life plan, global politics, whether the wind is blowing one way or another, and so on.