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Original poster

Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

292 replies

guac · 21/09/2021 11:12

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

OP posts:
MrsTophamHat · 21/09/2021 12:11

Both are hard, so you need to "choose your hard" as the saying goes.

I could not be a SAHM as I find it incedibly boring and frustrating. I really disliked the later part of my maternity leaves and lockdown.

I work 4 days per week which is tough to juggle, but I enjoy the work that I do, and i've got more patience with my children than when i'm with them every minute of every day.

Popcornriver · 21/09/2021 12:11

I've done both and I can't really answer because as others have said, there's challenges (and rewards) whichever way you look at it. Plus it isn't a competition, there's too many individual circumstances to generalise.

Jangle33 · 21/09/2021 12:12

SAHP is great if you have kids in nursery/school and a cleaner which is the norm here. Much easier than working!

MyPatronusIsACat · 21/09/2021 12:16

Working full time is harder than being a SAHM.

Working full time AND being a mother = much harder than SAHM.

No way in hell is being a SAHM as hard as having to work full time.

MyPatronusIsACat · 21/09/2021 12:17

Not saying SAHM is an easy life btw, just an easier/better life than having to work full time.

OldkermitSippingtea · 21/09/2021 12:21

I've been both for many years on each side and they both have advantages and disadvantages. It depends on the type of job, home, personality and energy level.

For me, I prefer the hard bit of WFT to the hard bit of being a SAHM. I loved both the easy bits equally but differently. So I'm choosing based on the hard part.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/09/2021 12:24

Surely it depends
Age of kids
How difficult they are
How much your partner does their share
Type of job eg physical, stressful
Commute
How much you enjoy your job
How much you earn - is it enough to make the sacrifices worth it, is it enough to outsource things like cleaning and gardening that you don't have time to do at home

MrsLion · 21/09/2021 12:32

Depends what you do for a job. Being a SAHP of 3 young dc was much easier than the job I do now.

On the other hand, a previous role was like being on holiday compared to full time parenting!

It also depends on the child or children. My sister in law has 3 autistic children. I have the most enormous amount of respect. Her ‘job’ of looking after them full time is extremely challenging.

To be honest it’s a bit of a silly question.

Anoisagusaris · 21/09/2021 12:37

Working has huge benefits and can be far more enjoyable. But you then have to go home and jobs that a SAHP can do during the day. When I’m not working or when I was in maternity leave, I’m not saying I had the house spotless, but I had time to throw on a wash or prep dinner. All that has to be done by someone, and unless you have one SAHP or a nanny who does it for you, working parents have to fit in those jobs after work.

MyPatronusIsACat · 21/09/2021 12:37

@MrsLion

Depends what you do for a job. Being a SAHP of 3 young dc was much easier than the job I do now.

On the other hand, a previous role was like being on holiday compared to full time parenting!

It also depends on the child or children. My sister in law has 3 autistic children. I have the most enormous amount of respect. Her ‘job’ of looking after them full time is extremely challenging.

To be honest it’s a bit of a silly question.

Good point(s!) It's very dependent on circumstances. On your job role AND your children...
rhowton · 21/09/2021 12:37

I go to work for a break. My tea is warm. I can wee when I like. Pop out to the shop for lunch. Sit and chat to adults for 40 minutes on lunch. It is bliss.

My DH always told me how being at work was "so stressful blah blah blah", but he soon changed his mind when he was a SAHD for 3 months and I went out to work. I really made a point of asking him to do all the cleaning, washing and cooking whilst I was at work and he was looking after the kids. After a week, he apologised and hasn't been such an arse since.

PenguinIce · 21/09/2021 12:37

I think both are probably equally hard. From my own experience though there was nothing tougher than being in the middle of something crucial at work and the dreaded school phone number flashes up on the work phone!

YouMeandtheSpew · 21/09/2021 12:45

I think it depends on a huge number of variables. It also depends on what you mean by ‘hard’.

My personal experience is that looking after young children all day is hard bloody work. It’s physically exhausting and relentless. But nothing compares to the sheer mental stress of trying to balance parenting with paid work. It’s not as physically exhausting (at least, my desk-based job isn’t) but the stress and anxiety of the juggle is something else.

I can only speak about my experience but that’s what I’ve found.

Fridafever · 21/09/2021 13:12

I found my year of maternity leave harder than being a ft corporate lawyer pulling regular all nighters.

However now my husband is a SAHP to our one easy going 7 year old I think he has it loads easier than me.

Fridafever · 21/09/2021 13:13

I think I have it pretty easy too by the way, as I have no domestic responsibilities during the week but I’d swap with him in a heartbeat.

CiaoForNiao · 21/09/2021 13:24

I've never had a Mon-Fri 9-5 job so can only base my comments on my experience.

I found being a full time working parent far far harder. I was out of the house for 16-7 hours. But only 3 or 4 days per week. There was less tidying to do as we weren't at home everyday, but the cleaning had to be fitted around work rather than a bit here and there. I'm also a single parent so it all falls to me. Trying to fit hobbies, downtime and a social life around working full time was exhausting.

Being a SAHM to young children was far easier and I loved it. But I've always been a natural with children and all the things parents often moan about (soft play, spending hours in the park, parent and toddler groups etc) I love.

Makinganewthinghappen · 21/09/2021 13:25

I have done both in some ways it was easier going to work because i actually got to be an adult for a while. In other ways it was easier staying home - i had time for things.

The combination i hated most was part time work i felt like i couldnt do either well and i was struggling with both.

I am a full time sahm now and have no plans to change that. Thank God.

Macncheeseballs · 21/09/2021 13:25

Sahm harder

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/09/2021 13:35

What dita said. I work v part time and do the majority of the drudge work (buying kids’ clothes, sorting house out, buying gifts, planning holidays, weekly shop, cooking, extra curriculars, school pickup (w OH doing drop offs)). It works and the household runs smoothly. There is never a panic over, say, inset days and holiday cover, my OH is facilitated to do his job very well and my DC benefits from being able to do things we couldn’t do if she was in childcare all day and I was in work. There are lots of caveats and principles underlying this, though.

Samafe · 21/09/2021 13:48

DC below school age and always at home? SAHM role is very draining from mental perspective

School aged DC? SAHM is a dream Grin

baggingareaunattended · 21/09/2021 14:00

Working full time, but being a SAHP is testing ( I count myself as a SAHP as I do very little work form
home, on my own business.
) I find people can be quite judgemental about SAHP n my area, it's very unusual.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 21/09/2021 14:02

Single parent working full time. I deserve a medal for those days !

Mumoblue · 21/09/2021 14:06

Right now SAHP is harder for me.

I’m a single mum, so I only get a “break” when my ex is looking after the baby, which at the moment is once a week, supposed to be 8-5 but half the time he cancels or brings the baby back early.

It would be nice to have a job just so I could talk to other adults occasionally. Being a single SAHM on benefits is very isolating.

Right now, I’m with the baby constantly, and any time he’s sleeping I’m doing housework. I’m sure I’ll get the balance a bit better as he gets older and starts nursery- but right now it’s kind of a hustle every single day.

HottestSpotNorthOfHavana · 21/09/2021 14:08

I'm a doctor on maternity leave with my first baby. My job is way harder than this.

I do recognise that the experience won't be universal, even for people in my exact role.

I'm lucky to have dodged postnatal depression in spite of a history of depression. I'm lucky that DS sleeps and breastfeeds well. I'm lucky that DH is supportive.

And as DS is an IVF baby, I genuinely never thought this would happen and I'm particularly appreciative. Not that I love him more than any other mothers love their children, but I think I'm more consistently surprised that he exists, if that makes sense.

CanICelebrate · 21/09/2021 14:13

If the children are at school then being a sahm is going to be considerably easier.

With tiny demanding children at home all day I think it depends on the job you do.