Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

[guac]

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

Being SAHP can be draining, boring and repetitive and many people find it hard in that sense but I think when it comes to business and trying to fit everything in the little time left working parents have it harder and are more stressed.
Most working parents have around 2 hours before children go to bed and it can feel like you're being pulled in opposite directions trying to make dinner while being under pressure to provide quality time for kids. Much of housework has to be pushed into night hours.
Also as a SAHP one have more flexibility with their time, they can visit a friend, go to the park, pop into the shop. Working parents are always on the schedule.

I think what people find personally "harder" in the sense of being preferable is completely individual.

[quote TeachesOfPeaches]@JoborPlay so when you go to work you aren't answerable to anyone?

I worked full time as a single parent from when my son was 8 months old and it was horrific. Any SAHM saying sitting at home is harder is delusional.[/quote]
I agree. I think there are people who definitely find being SAHP emotionally draining and boring but in an objective sense working parents are more busy. There are only so many hours in a day. Then there are all complications of childcare, sick days, meetings all different expectations (working like you didn't have children and parenting as if you didn't work).

I also thought being a SAHP was hardest job in the world until I went back to work when my child was 1.

Being a SAHP was mind numbing for me, so I found it really hard. I love being out at work, engaging with other professionals and earning my own money, so working FT is easier/more enjoyable.

Imagine dropping your child off at school and having nothing to do for 6 hours - so hard! lol

I don't even work full time, I'm paid for 25 hours as a TA, but actually work closer to 30. I am stressed and knackered all the time (it's worse atm as we're waiting for Ofsted, and everyone is pushed to the limit). I was a SAHP up until 3 years ago, and although it was relentless, it wasn't anywhere near as stressful as my life is now. You still have to do all the house stuff, and the parenting stuff. You just have a shorter time to squeeze it into. And I'm one of the lucky ones, with a job that fits around school hours!

Think it depends on your job, hours, level of responsibility, how much you enjoy working and how organised you are

I don’t enjoy working and would much rather be a sham, maybe a bit more mentally draining as it’s 24/7 but a lot more rewarding and personally find less stressful as don’t have to juggle home and work life- I’m quite disorganised

Only perk of working for me is being able to think about just me for the working day (which feels like a break)

I think I'd find working full time harder but I don't imagine being a SAHM is a walk in the park either!

I work part time so have a good balance

Depends on your job. I had 3 under 3 and working full time was much harder

I'd love to know what it is exactly that people who say it's harder to be a SAHP find so difficult. I honestly struggle to imagine what it is that they are referring to, unless they have twins/triplets or children with significant additional needs etc. I get that it might be relentless or boring for some, and I know that it can be a bit tiring to look after young dc, but hard? What are the main challenges that people experience?

For me, the thing that I find hard about my job is the sheer weight of the responsibilities that I'm carrying - the expectations of those around me and the pressure of making decisions that will potentially impact on the lives of many people. Then there is the frenetic pace at which I have to work, the constant worry about getting everything done, the fear of dropping a ball and the need to juggle so many different priorities in my head at any one time. Plus the need to get out of the office on time so that I can have time with my family after work! Looking after dc always felt like a walk in the park compared to all that, so I'm always curious about how people see it so differently?

Might have been said already but being solely responsible for the family income is burden like no other.

Yep. I find these threads quite funny. I'd love to be responsible for only the home/ kid logistics, or only providing the money. Either on its own, with another parent to share the work with, would be half what I do now and presumably we'd either have have a lot more free time or lots of spare cash to chuck at it to buy the free time because currently I do/ pay for the lot. Difficult, full time professional job, no family help, two very young kids, no contact with the other parent at all, no financial state support either.

I am 100% responsible for it all - school, care, emotional support, organisation, housework, work, finances, mortgage, social events, activities, clearing up sick even when I'm ill too, DIY, everything. It makes me laugh when SAHMs think life is tough: spending time with your kids all day while someone else pays for it! 😂 Obviously PND or depression is a different story but for people who are not unwell, how can be that hard? Anything can be hard at times just because it's boring/ exhausting but the descriptions on here seem OTT.

I mean, yes small children can be relentless and tiring. But it's not that hard to take care of them, if there are no underlying medical issues etc. Just feed them, play, laugh, craft, walk, sleep, repeat. Quite a chilled out life really aside from the obvious tantrums etc which a par for the course when having a child, surely? No real stress or worry or deadlines or juggling.

I'd love to know what it is exactly that people who say it's harder to be a SAHP find so difficult

I don't know, maybe my kids are unusually difficult - some of these threads make me think so! - but here's what I find hard about looking after two under 5s solo:

• there's just never a moment's peace. My work can be stressful but if I need a moment, I can take one. I am an introvert so having kids that never stop talking is very intense
• keeping them safe is quite stressful, my younger one is extremely adventurous. I turned my back on him in the kitchen once and realised that in 30 s he had climbed onto the counter and was wielding a knife
• keeping them both happy is difficult as they want to do different things
• not getting any recognition - last year at work I won a big award and performance bonus. Don't get that kind of recognition at home, if course it is rewarding but in a much less flashy way
• not getting to take a sick day. I don't do this very often but, for example, when I had my covid vaccine, I felt pretty awful but because I work, I have childcare and could take a half day off sick

I honestly think I would slide into depression if I tried to do it full time

I guess the flip side is that I am good at my job and really enjoy it. It has it's difficult moments but I am fortunate to have found a career that really suits my skills. I have found it easier the more senior I get actually - I have a PA now and that really helps me to organise my time as well as having a team to delegate to

Working full time. Because as a single parent I couldn’t afford to outsource any jobs other than childcare so I had everything to do once I got home or before I went to work.

Being a working parent is also 24/7.
Working parents also do not get ‘sick days’. SAHP can use paid childcare if they wanted to like working parents do or kids go to school if school-age.

Personally, I found it mentally harder to be a SAHP (whilst I was on maternity leave; I've only ever returned to work full time after a year so can't comment on actually being a full time SAHP).
But, being back at work and trying to fit in everything else; still do the same amount of housework, prepare meals (DDs nursery doesn't cater so she takes all food with her), spend that quality time with DD, maintain a loving relationship with DH, take care of the dogs and chickens, maintain some semblance of a social life and see friends and family and try to take care of myself; of course achieving all of that is harder than when I was able to be at home all day and not have to squeeze it all in after a 40 hour work week. Unless you have the luxury of a cleaner which most don't; everything that a SAHP does, working parents have to do as well, they just have less time to do it so that makes it harder.
So I suppose it depends very much on what type of 'hard' you mean because they are both hard in very different ways.

TeachesOfPeaches

I'm far more autonomous at work than when a SAHM. I do answer to a boss, but they're less demanding and easier to reason with than my toddler. You might think I'm delusional, but it's how I feel. I didn't like being a SAHP and find working full time much easier both mentally and physically.

Working full time as then any days off are spent cleaning and doing washing etc

Unless you have a cleaner and ironing person etc

everything that a SAHP does, working parents have to do as well, they just have less time to do it so that makes it harder.

I don't find this at all. My kids eat at nursery/after school club so I don't have to cook for them. The house stays a lot cleaner when we're not in it.

Also - and this may be a failure of mine - I don't actually get much done around the house when the kids are around. Unless I just put them in front of screens, I wouldn't be able to get lots of housework done with them around. I actually get more done while WFH - if I have 5 mins between meetings, I can stack the dishwasher or if I have a meeting that I need to listen to but not contribute, I put away laundry etc