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Original poster

Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

292 replies

guac · 21/09/2021 11:12

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

OP posts:
JoborPlay · 21/09/2021 17:11

@FindingMeno

Depends on how much outside help you get. Working, whether full or part time, is definitely harder when you have to do everything at home yourself on top of work hours, and plan childcare.
I think it depends how hard you find parenting.

We have some help (cleaner etc) but haven't always, and I still found working full-time miles easier.

Plantstrees · 21/09/2021 17:11

I have done both and working full-time was much more stressful but probably less tiring.

I had a desk job so it was great to be able to escape the house and I was able to pay for help at home so didn't have to come home and do everything. It was very stressful trying to keep the balance though and the guilt of working made it more worse for me. I much preferred being a stay at home mum.

Goldbar · 21/09/2021 17:14

It depends on whether the choice is:

  • SAHP 24/7
  • SAHP 9-5 and then the other parent comes home and you split things 50/50.
  • Working parent 9-5 + you do 100% of the house/childcare stuff
  • Working parent 9-5 + the other parent does 100% of the house/childcare stuff.
  • Working parent 9-5 + you and the other parent split stuff 50/50 whe you're not at work.

Clearly being a SAHP whose OH comes home and splits things 50/50 is going to be easier than being a working parent who also does 100% of the domestic drudge.

Itsnotdeep · 21/09/2021 17:16

I had 4 under 6 at one stage. Working full time is still harder both during the day and when you're at home - you don't stop being a parent just because you're working.

But it doesn't matter, because everyone does what's right for them.

Tumbleweed101 · 21/09/2021 17:23

Done both. I enjoyed being a SAHP but it was more lonely but I struggle to keep on top of all the conflicting demands working full time. I enjoy the money and adult company though. Pros and cons to both and both can be hard going without outside company and support.

MattyGroves · 21/09/2021 17:44

SAHM of under 5s very hard
SAHM of one under 5 who naps, not that bad
SAHM of school age children piece of piss

MattyGroves · 21/09/2021 18:26

@Mirrorxx

Surely full time working mothers have much more to do. They still have to do housework and look after their children, but with much less time to do it
There is a lot less housework to do if you're out all day. And I never get anything done with two under 5s around anyway. I have a day off with my kids and I get less housework done that day than any other as they mess up the house and I am too knackered by the evening to do anything
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/09/2021 18:38

Work without a doubt.

Parenting has no deadlines, no boss, can do what you like, no actual work etc.

lazylinguist · 21/09/2021 18:42

Depends entirely on the type of job and what the children are like (additional needs, medical problems etc). My dc were pretty easy as young kids. I found being a SAHM (for a couple of years) an absolute piece of piss compared with my full time job (teacher). No comparison whatsoever.

sst1234 · 21/09/2021 18:54

SAHP is easier than parents who work full time. Because it’s like having two jobs, even with childcare. Anyone who says otherwise is being disingenuous.

Ragwort · 21/09/2021 19:06

Impossible to answer as it depends on so many circumstances.

I was a SAHM for 12 years ... the easiest 12 years of my life;

I only had one DC (who was very, very 'easy').
I had a fully supportive DH who loved spending time with his own DC so I had plenty of 'me time'. There was no attitude from my DH that I needed to contribute financially (I ensured my NI was paid etc to secure my pension).
I had no financial worries - fully shared joint finances and I never had to 'ask' when I spent money.
Plenty of interests, hobbies, friends etc to fill my time.
Nice, comfortable home ... near the beach Smile.

But if I'd had more then one DC, perhaps with special needs, a dick head of a partner, no access to money, poor living conditions then of course life would have been much, much harder.

Hobbitfeet32 · 21/09/2021 19:58

I think that working full time is harder than being a SAHM however harder doesn’t necessarily mean less enjoyable. I like my job and would always choose to work than be at home because I don’t particularly enjoy looking after children all day.

When I have time off in school holidays it’s a pleasure. No routines and stressing about trying to fit everything in.

Genuinely intrigued at those SAHM parents who claim that it is a 24 hour job…who do you think looks after the children when a working parent clocks off? You still have to do the night wakings, washing, bedtimes, cooking, mad rush for after school activities etc.
SAHM parent of school age children must be a doddle.

MarshaBradyo · 21/09/2021 20:01

@sst1234

SAHP is easier than parents who work full time. Because it’s like having two jobs, even with childcare. Anyone who says otherwise is being disingenuous.
Many are talking about their own experience though not just assuming it’s easier
KeyboardWorriers · 21/09/2021 20:10

Depends on the child (ren), depends on the job, depends on the parent, depends on their spouse /other support network, depends on their finances....

JoborPlay · 21/09/2021 22:13

@sst1234

SAHP is easier than parents who work full time. Because it’s like having two jobs, even with childcare. Anyone who says otherwise is being disingenuous.
I'm not being disingenuous at all. I just don't think you can grasp how hard some people find parenting. I find full time work much, much easier. I don't feel it's two jobs at all.
TracyLords · 21/09/2021 22:20

So many variables. Depends on your job, commute, work environment, and of course, your kids and temperament. I found maternity leave an absolute doddle and loved every minute. But, my son was a nightmare toddler and I would have found being a SAHM at that point very stressful

Pinkyxx · 21/09/2021 22:23

I was a SAHM for 8 months of maternity leave, been back at work full time since. For the last 8 years I've also been a single parent working full time, child lives with me full time. Ex about as much use as a chocolate teapot as he isn't interested in ''parenting''.

SAHM was definitely a lot easier than working full time, and working full time with a partner was heaps easier than single mum working full time & parenting full time. Once I've finished my 'day job' I do my 2nd job.. and that's before I consider all the cooking, cleaning, admin, medical appts, school stuff, night waking, activities after school etc.

I love it when I take time off in the school holidays as I get to catch my breath instead of running around like a mad woman non-stop 7 days a week..

3scape · 21/09/2021 22:29

I've done SAHP.

Part time job and parenting.

And full time and parenting.

Although I had to be very time organised, budget more AND no one at work liked it I definitely recommend part time work.

Other than that. I think it's all better with a partner who isn't a total.loss.

As a single parent I think full time job AND solo parenting and keeping house is the toughest with the workload and emotional impact.

Bunnycat101 · 21/09/2021 22:42

For me there is no question that work is harder with my life and circumstances. I have no doubt there will be situations where someone is caring for multiple children or those with disabilities they can tip it into being much harder. Sahp to school aged children would be much, much easier than a job.

But… working does also provide a sense of self-worth and purpose as well as money, pension etc. For me the longer/term benefits of working outweigh the short-term benefits of staying at home but some days the juggle feels horrendous. We’ve both for high pressure, stressful jobs and really that isn’t sustainable.

Miliao · 21/09/2021 22:44

You can’t compare apples and oranges. I don’t really see the point of this thread. Why have you only quantified hours? Surely it depends on the job and the child not the hours.

Ozberry · 21/09/2021 22:47

Working, because all the stuff at home still needs doing but you have 40 less hours a week to do it in

wanderlove · 21/09/2021 23:01

Both are hard in different ways. I feel like there are some strange answers on here. Those saying SAHM because it’s not 9-5 hours or SAHM especially after a sleepless night, you do realise that parents that work out of thr house still have to look after their children overnight?!? Genuinely confused why being a SAHM after no sleep is worse then going to wirk after no sleep. When I get home after work I then sort out all by chores till about 9.30 then cross my fingers that thr baby sleeps! I’ve done maternity leave, part time abs full time. I chose to work full
Time as I prefer stress to the boredom of being a SAHM …but I wouldn’t particularly say one is easier than the other…just one maybe fits your personality better.

Snog · 21/09/2021 23:14

I found being a SAHP to be a walk in the park compared to working.

BreadInCaptivity · 21/09/2021 23:17

IME it depends.

I worked FT in a high pressure job that was very well paid. DH and I could afford to outsource lots of housework like cleaning/ironing/gardening/after school care etc. He was also equally hands on outside work as myself.

I think my life was much, much easier than my friend who was a SAHM who literally did everything (her DH was a dick who thought because he worked he didn't have to do anything but had enthusiastically backed her giving up her job). She worked her ass off daily.

I think there's definitely a happy balance to be struck in both scenarios depending on how much you earn and how supportive your partner is.

I think the biggest risk of being a SAHM is finding out your so called loving partner is anything but when the chips are down.

My friend carried the mental and physical load - from which she never got a holiday for the best part of 15 years until he (cliche alert) fucked off with a woman who he'd met at work.

Ironically he valued her work ethic Hmm.

TheKeatingFive · 21/09/2021 23:18

It’s a stupid question, there are so many individual factors