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Original poster

Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

292 replies

guac · 21/09/2021 11:12

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 22/09/2021 08:59

@OhGiveUp

I found being a SAHP an absolute doddle. Once I'd got the kids to school on a morning, I had until i collected them the rest of the day to do what I wanted, when I wanted.
I think most will agree that it’s far easier when they are at school.

Plus other things people mention making stuff hard won’t apply to all. Eg I had a nanny who did the bulk of stuff before I got home, a cleaner and I exercised by running home. Plus school age dc so lower feeling bad re leaving them

Sahm I didn’t have naughty dc particularly, or lots of them or any issues and still a cleaner it was just after a few years I was ready to work - and it felt interesting to be back

MarshaBradyo · 22/09/2021 09:01

Also I’d done four year years ad hoc freelance and tricky to get ad hoc cc so Dh would walk in and I’d have to do my stuff. I was appreciating actually having at home cc and being out

RainAndGreyClouds · 22/09/2021 09:17

I work. I'd absolutely love to be a sahm. I am very envious of those fortunate enough to have this option. If you don't like being a sahm, go to work.

KimDeals · 22/09/2021 10:43

@Hobbitfeet32

I’m intrigued as to what all these jobs are that allow a long lunch or stroll into town or lots of coffee breaks. I’m in a very busy NHS job and barely have time to go to the loo!
Ha! I had the same thought! I am out working, and spinning plates in my head between work thoughts and house stuff - quiet strolls in working hours - no chance! More like lunch time run to the pharmacy pick up x y a post stuff / grab someone’s birthday present / endless jobs / organising …

Just basically being a SAHM but also working full time Grin

SafeMove · 22/09/2021 10:49

I have never been a SAHM, I guess the closest I have had was Mat Leave. Loved mat leave. Pretty much despised my 22 years of FT work. I have had loads of jobs - lecturer, social worker, researcher, bar work, support worker, shop work, call centre work. They have all been crap tbh. Wpuld much rather have bern able to focus on being a mum. Have had more fun being a mum than an employer, that is for sure.

SafeMove · 22/09/2021 10:50

So many typos, thanks to new phone.

*employee

LastToBePicked · 22/09/2021 13:32

If money were no object, I think being SAHM to school age children but volunteering 2-3?days a week (charity work etc) would be the optimal balance.

Summerbreeze4 · 22/09/2021 15:11

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

It all depends on what the circumstances are!

Generally speaking

When children are babies or preschoolers - SAHP is harder

When children are at school - working is harder

However a lot depends on whether there’s another parent at home and whether they pull their weight with the “out of hours” work.

This.

It also depends on family help and finances. If you both earn enough to have a cleaner/ironed/gardener/ sitter/ au pair etc then working can be much easier but if you have to do all the housework and ferrying children around as well as work then working full time is very hard.

Summerbreeze4 · 22/09/2021 15:16

@Mirrorxx

Surely full time working mothers have much more to do. They still have to do housework and look after their children, but with much less time to do it
Most families I know with two earners buy in all the help they need and can afford meals out at weekends/ takeaways holidays etc so no not all working parents have to come home and then do all the chores.

When .I stopped work to be a SAHM my exH immediately did no house stuff at all ever as that was my area, so at weekends while he could sit on his arse my job was 24/7 365 days a year with 4 children, no family nearby and no money for even a babysitter and an occasional night out.

That said .I wouldn’t swop my time with the children for the world, although am now in a financial mess with no career/pension now that I am single, so I would y advise this.

OhGiveUp · 22/09/2021 15:22

@MarshaBradyo Even as pre schoolers, I found it a doddle. I went back to full time employment when they were six.
Semi retired now and running around after the grandkids.

Eustaciavile · 22/09/2021 15:22

Neither.
Having done FT/PT work and SAHP with 4 children over a period of 25 plus years, I can honestly say FTW and caring for elderly parents with dementia is the hardest job of all.

nyktipolos · 22/09/2021 15:28

Most families I know with two earners buy in all the help they need and can afford meals out at weekends/ takeaways holidays etc so no not all working parents have to come home and then do all the chores.

Not sure where you live, but tons of families have 2 people working and can not afford outside help, take aways and meals out all weekend. Or infact want to. I am actually going to say most do not do this.

We could afford a cleaner. Would not like someone coming in the house while we were out. Would also probably clean for the cleaner coming round Grin

And also, most single parents can't afford outside help either with sahp support.

marykitty · 22/09/2021 15:54

@nyktipolos

Most families I know with two earners buy in all the help they need and can afford meals out at weekends/ takeaways holidays etc so no not all working parents have to come home and then do all the chores.

Not sure where you live, but tons of families have 2 people working and can not afford outside help, take aways and meals out all weekend. Or infact want to. I am actually going to say most do not do this.

We could afford a cleaner. Would not like someone coming in the house while we were out. Would also probably clean for the cleaner coming round Grin

And also, most single parents can't afford outside help either with sahp support.

Absolutely agree! We both work but definitely cannot afford a cleaner, a gardener, take outs etc!
Tal45 · 22/09/2021 16:03

I think the harder one is whichever one you don't want to do!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/09/2021 16:36

Most families I know with two earners buy in all the help they need and can afford meals out at weekends/ takeaways holidays etc so no not all working parents have to come home and then do all the chores

I don’t know anyone where all the household adults work that have a cleaner or eat out regularly to not have to cook.
The only person I know with a cleaner doesn’t work and has no children.

TheKeatingFive · 22/09/2021 16:41

I don’t know anyone where all the household adults work that have a cleaner or eat out regularly to not have to cook.

Me neither. I see this assumption on here quite a bit, but it’s not my experience at all.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/09/2021 16:45

@TheKeatingFive

I don’t know anyone where all the household adults work that have a cleaner or eat out regularly to not have to cook.

Me neither. I see this assumption on here quite a bit, but it’s not my experience at all.

This with bells on!

I think a good proportion of mn are much higher earners than I am, though.

RoSEbuds6 · 22/09/2021 16:47

For me it was being SAHM. I love my daughter (now a teen) but I was like a fish out of water as a SAHM. I couldn't navigate the social mores with the other mums, and I was lonley. I walked for hours with the pram, just hoping someone would talk to me!
At work I was me again. Luckily I found a lovely nursery, worked 4 days a week and my mum did a day a week with DD, so I had the best of both worlds I guess.
Now I wfh with DH and dd leaves us to go to school every day :D

In retrospect I think that DD (knowing her now as a teen) would have preferred me to be as SAHM, but she spent 3 days somewhere stimulating and exciting, and 4 days with her family and I was a happy mum, so win-win (hopefully)

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/09/2021 17:16

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Most families I know with two earners buy in all the help they need and can afford meals out at weekends/ takeaways holidays etc so no not all working parents have to come home and then do all the chores

I don’t know anyone where all the household adults work that have a cleaner or eat out regularly to not have to cook.
The only person I know with a cleaner doesn’t work and has no children.

Same here, I literally do not know anyone who has a cleaner.
Scottishmarigold · 22/09/2021 17:34

I think that SAHP is mentally more difficult but Working Full Time is harder physically and practically.

At the end of a full day of work, you then have to rush (and it always seems to be a rush) to collect children and get home to do what is effectively a second shift of work at home dealing with children, food, homework, washing and trying to get organised for the next day when you have to hit the ground running again. I felt like a mouse on a wheel. Really hard to keep all the balls in the air.

That is why WFH has been helpful. At least it eliminates having to look respectable and get to and from a different location.

Gooseysgirl · 22/09/2021 17:51

Once your kids are at school it's a piece of piss compared to working full time

Gooseysgirl · 22/09/2021 17:52

When mine were under school age I worked part-time, it was definitely easier being at work then! Little kids are FULL ON!!

RobinPenguins · 22/09/2021 17:59

We have a cleaner once a week who covers all the big things but there are still always jobs to be done - daily cooking, washing up, all the laundry and ironing and gardening and day to day tidying, cleaning surfaces, hoovering or brushing up messes etc.

Could we afford takeaway or restaurants all weekend? Probably but it wouldn’t be healthy, so we don’t do it. And there’s always cooking in the week anyway.

I don’t know anyone who outsources everything in the way the pp suggested.

1FootInTheRave · 22/09/2021 18:02

Ftw is far harder imo.

TrifleCat · 22/09/2021 18:15

Life runs much smoother for stay at home parents. Cramming in work with life stuff means a lot of household tasks are outsourced or done badly

I agree with this. I was an “accidental” SAHM because my DH was posted 300 miles away from where I worked during my maternity leave , and his job provided far better security than mine so I decided to give being a SAHP a try …. I absolutely loved it- life was just easy. I had a supportive DH though who did his fair share.

Have only just returned to work properly now my youngest is 8 , and definitely working is much harder than being a SAHP!