Which is harder, being a stay at home parent or working full time?

[guac]

I know this will probably vary dependent on the number of children and the type of job. Let's assume the hours of the job and SAHP are Mon to Fri 9-5. Not trying to bash either role by the way, just interested in peoples opinions

Well, I’ve just sat down with a spreadsheet and term dates for 2 different schools, 2 different sets of onset days and 48 days annual leave between dh& I, abd have decided it’s got to be easier for one of us to resign than to try and accommodate the 25 or so school holiday days we can’t cover between us.

(Last comment was lighthearted, kind of)

During maternity I found being SAHM physcially and mentally easier than my job before I had my child by far, even with the lack of sleep etc. Now I have returned to work my job is just as hard but I also have the house stuff to contend with and struggle to get it done - my life would be much more orderly if a SAHM.However it was not stimulating enough for me and I could imagine that if I had to do it long term I would end up finding it harder mentally definitely

It's not a race to the bottom FFS

So many varying factor - but personally, for me right now is working FT. Keeping on top of housework and the mental load is off the scale.

When I was a SAHM (2 children), my house was a lot tidier, my children had my undivided attention when they for home and we would bake a lot!

I don’t have that right now sadly

You'll get a lot of replies saying "oh, being a SAHM is so much harder than working full time".

Absolute and utter bullshit!

I think this depends on number and ages of children. Type of job and hours with commute. And what sort of support you get.

If you have a partner who really pulls their weight with the childcare, night wakings, mental load, the default parenting etc., good childcare in place and a job you like then working may be easier. Working full time with a partner who is a SAHP, for instance, and does the sorts of things most SAHMs do, is probably easier than being a SAHM in the pre-school years.

Most women don’t have that sort of support and in the early years a full time job might take them away from nonstop childcare (which lots of women find tiring and tedious, even though they love their kids) but they still have all the other bits to juggle too and so have so much else on their plate that it just ends up being very tiring and stressful.

I think the bigger issue with being a SAHM is the lack of agency, power and standing it gives you in society (and, often, in the family). And down the line that translates to a less happy life. It’s not that working is easier, it generally isn’t, but it ends up being better.

People who find a full time job easier than being sahm (unless there is some sort of special needs involved) just never had a job with enough responsibilities. Being sahm is just parenting, being in FT job is a bloody hard work on top of parenting with some sprinkles of guilt for not being there for your child all the time.

@Iwonder08

People who find a full time job easier than being sahm (unless there is some sort of special needs involved) just never had a job with enough responsibilities. Being sahm is just parenting, being in FT job is a bloody hard work on top of parenting with some sprinkles of guilt for not being there for your child all the time.

This will bells on.

I work FT and have 3 young children under 5 including a set of twins - being a SAHM is much much easier

My work is challenging and hard work involving lots of domestic travel and lots of responsibility - I make decisions all day every day involving millions of pounds and manage 100s of people.
I do this on lack of sleep with 3 children who don't sleep through the night. I then come home spend some time with them, make dinner, bath them put them to bed and then often have to log on for a few hours a night oh and home cook, do all the domestic housework- washing, ironing, cleaning etc

It's not a competition but honestly I find it quite insulting when family members who are SAHP go on about "hard" it is when all they need to decide of a day is which baby group to attend

I have been a sahm, ft working parents and ft working single parent.

All have positive and negative sides. All have bits taht make it easier or harder. But again, I may have a different view of each situation has the situation being slightly different.

My kids are older now and I work a very senior role. Which would have been almost impossible when they were younger and would have made life harder.

It situation would have only need minute changes, to make them better or worse.

My ex would inform me that I had it so much easier as I was a sahp. Apparantly paid work outside the home was so much harder. Poor exdh would come home to a clean house and laundry, home cooked meals with shopping all done and would refuse point blank to do night duties as he 'went to work and needed a full nights sleep' He was so well rested he went to the pub 6 nights a week.
I wonder if someone is informing op that she has it easier as a sahp? Maybe op is wondering if they are going mad from lack of sleep and is checking to see if they really have the cushy life they have been told they have.

Is someone trying to convince you @guac ?

One thing I've noticed - people only ever say being a SAHM is harder when it's a married woman. When it's a single mum being a SAHM on benefits (God forbid) she is lazy and should get a job.

There are so many variants depends on your job, if you have kids at home, financial situation. I found being a SAHM quite boring, but working as a nurse 60 plus hrs a week more stressful.

I personally found being a SAHD easier than being a working parent. I took 15 months off work, while my son was hard work for the first 6 or so months it was still less stressful etc than work.

I liked that I didn’t have to meet anyones deadlines, I didn’t have to have a daily plan or targets, we could just please ourselves. If he hadn’t slept well I could have a nap, or I could just do low key activities that day. It was easier to socialise as I wasn’t knackered come 5pm, even little things were easier like going to the dentist, as you didn’t have to either lose a days holiday or worry about having to stay late at work and missing your appointment.

I personally find being a working parent much harder, I’m more tired, I’m more stressed and I worry more. I only work four days a week, in September we have a large number of deadlines so all staff are contracted fulltime in September, having to work five days at the minute is a killer as theres no time for those extra jobs I would get done on my day off, but I also don’t have those few hours that are just for me to relax, do what I want etc.

If I had a different job, or a different child my answer would probably be totally different.

I definitely did it harder working, although I don't work full full time hours I work 5 days a week for longer hours than they are in school then once I get back to the dc I'm running around often til late in the evening getting them to their clubs. Finding the time to do housework washing etc is difficult and I'm often too exhausted to do it come 8.30/9pm when we are at all home and fed.

@Iwonder08

People who find a full time job easier than being sahm (unless there is some sort of special needs involved) just never had a job with enough responsibilities. Being sahm is just parenting, being in FT job is a bloody hard work on top of parenting with some sprinkles of guilt for not being there for your child all the time.

I have a senior professional job. I haven't been a SAHM but I have been on mat leave and I find working easier. I just find being with two under 5s stressful and draining in a way that my job isn't.

With my job, I am senior enough that if I am a bit tired one day, I can take it slightly easier but my kids won't allow that. No taking a short break with a coffee or going for a quick walk to get my head in order.

But some of it is that I really love my job and am very well suited to it. I would not be well suited to looking after children full time.

@RobinPenguins

Mind numbingly, bone crushingly relentless and tiring - SAHP.

Having no spare time, feeling pulled in multiple directions, juggling competing priorities, stressful - working full time.

Which scenario is “harder” than the other depends on the person and the circumstances.

That didn't go away once you add in 30 hours of work though. Then you have to still do it all but at night

It definitely depends on the person. I'm a sahm and I absolutely love it, it suits me so well. I'm going to go back to work when you get starts school next year and I'm dreading it!!

I’m gonna guess working IF there isn’t a SAHP there. My husband works 80-100 hour weeks regularly as he has his own business and I stay home with our daughter. It’s bloody hard as I’m alone with her 14 hours a day, 6 days a week and that’s when he doesn’t stay away on overnight business trips. That said... the fact that I’m home helps make that possible as he doesn’t have to deal with anything when he does get home. If you’re working full time and there’s no SAHP, you have to try to get all the housework done and spend time with your kids with the little time off you have and I imagine that’s really hard.

I do both at the same time. That's the hardest 🤣

I found being at home great tbh. We always had dogs .so would get out for walks .go shopping and so on with dc.i loved my job .but don't miss it massively. Obv keep on top of hw and so on .but dh hoovered and washed up .

*Totally utterly depends. Sahp of 18 month old triplets. Definitely harder.

Surgeon in a &e working shifts, Definitely harder*

This

Working is far far harder.
We deserve medals. Especially single parent Full time, working mums. We are legends.

Surely working is much harder.

Taking into account a scenario with a partner who is happy to work, and you can afford your arrangement......the following is true, I think:

If you stay at home you can spend time volunteering with sports or clubs your kids enjoy; join the PTA, be actively involved in their world to help them. You can volunteer at their school, when they are primary-aged, reading in younger classes, getting to know how the curriculum and school policies work from the inside, so you can support your kids. Then, when they are all a bit older, you 'll be equipped to get yourself a job as a teaching assistant, with those lovely school holidays. You won't have the pressure of HAVING to work - presumably, if you can be a sahm in the first place. And no worries when the kids are ill and annoying your employer by taking time off.

You can work in an enjoyable capacity; volunteer; look after your health by going to the gym when it's quiet; get the best bargains by having time to go around various shops.

The only big downside, I would think, is if you split with your partner, you are not as well-prepared to improve your earnings.

@Createdjustforthis

Life runs much smoother for stay at home parents. Cramming in work with life stuff means a lot of household tasks are outsourced or done badly.

I love being able to work but my life would be much much better if I could stay home.

Depending on the other adults in your team.