Appropriate punishment?

[SheABitSpicyToday]

Caught my 7 year old last night up watching her iPad at gone 11. She had snuck downstairs and got it out of the cabinet and took it upstairs to her bedroom. This, ontop of losing her camera she got for a birthday a month ago and not being remotely remourseful about it plus her attitude in general at the minute, we’ve decided no more screen time for the next week until her bedroom has been tidied and her camera has been found. It’s definitely in there somewhere, it hasnt left the house.

She just seems to have no respect for her stuff at all. We told her if she carries on like this then we won’t bother getTing her anything nice for Christmas as she will just lose it. She just shrugged and said ok.

She never used to be like this! We’ve said from now on she can go to bed and it’s lights straight off until she can show us sue can behave. Is this effective for her age?

She took the headphones sos that the noise wouldn’t wake me. It was very sneaky and there’s no way I’m letting that go without consequences.

So she couldn’t sleep, settled herself, and was considerate enough to not make a noise while doing so, and that should be punished. Great example there. It will bite you in the butt in the teenage years as the lesson has been “don’t get caught!”

But with your part time degree in psychology I am sure it will be okay although why you came to us lowly peons for advice when you’re the reincarnation of Sigmund Freud is anyone’s guess.

Part time? What about my degree was part time?

This thread had really confirmed why there are so many horribly behaved, entitled children around who just allowed to do whatever the hell they like with no punishment.

@SheABitSpicyToday

I'm very surprised that you are a psychologist (or at least have a degree in psychology) and keep using the word naughty and sneaky in relation to your daughter.

You also seem clueless in terms of appropriate discipline and how to deal with specific behaviours.
No attempt to understand where she is coming from and why she displays these behaviours, and how and why she is changing her behaviours.

I get that you're tired and pregnant, but quite frankly, you can do better.
Is this a case of doctor heal thyself? Or too much arrogance to learn more about dealing with children, rather than relying on some theoretical framework of development?

Forgot "dick". Nice.

No I just don’t agree with your pandering approach. There’s nothing wrong with labeling a behaviour as naughty which is what it was. She snuck out of bed, went downstairs and climbed up to a cabinet to get the iPad that she knows she’s not allowed on after bed or during the week anyway. I’m not just going to be “awww darling” about it. She’s been punished and knowing MY child and her personality type, she won’t be doing it again in a hurry.

Some tips:

School-age children (six years to 12 years)
The child’s increasing independence may lead to conflicts. School-age children tend to act autonomously, choose their own activities and friends, and, to some extent, recognize other than parental authority. Parents should continue to supervise, provide good behavioural models, set rules consistently, but also allow the child to become increasingly autonomous. Parents should continue to make the important decisions because school-age children cannot always put reasoning and judgment into practice.

Praise and approval should be used liberally, although not excessively, to encourage good behaviour and growth into a more mature human being. The use of appropriate motivators should be encouraged; for example, buy a keen reader his or her favourite book.

Acceptable means of discipline include withdrawal or delay of privileges, consequences and time-out.

Example: The child destroys toys. Instead of replacing these toys, let the child learn the logical consequences. Destroying toys will result in no toys to play with.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/

So exactly what I’ve done. Thanks.

There’s nothing wrong with labeling a behaviour as naughty which is what it was.

Yes, there is. Because if you can't see past how you feel about the behaviour, then you cannot go to the root of that behaviour.
All you see is that she broke your rules, not why.
Again, very surprising from a psychologist.

It is not what you've done.
You've been negative, inconsistent and vague.

To you guys I have, not to my daughter. She’s lost her screen time till Friday. That’s it. She’s not locked in a dungeon. She still had lots of other things to do that don’t involve the tv.

Any decent parent would not be ok with their 7 year old staying up till nearly midnight in secret watching tv. If you’d be ok with that then perhaps look at your own parenting before judging someone else’s.

@SheABitSpicyToday, but a month ago this behaviour you're now describing as naughty you then asked for help for because she had started 'attention seeking'

So is she attention seeking? Is she being Naughty? or is everything just part and parcel of being a normal 7 year old who's life is about to change and also thinks she is a bit older than she really is.

@SheABitSpicyToday

This thread had really confirmed why there are so many horribly behaved, entitled children around who just allowed to do whatever the hell they like with no punishment.

It also confirms why there so many angry, arrogant children too. I don't pander to my child if they're naughty (and yes sometimes kids are just naughty) but I try to understand their behaviour before assuming being naughty was their intention.

I don't just punish them for finding entertainment when they're bored and can't sleep.

Why have you posted this thread at all then? You have literally asked if it is an appropriate punishment.

My answer- No!

Actually I think it would be a better idea to refer to her as 'Darling' and being soft toned in trying to learn and understand the motivations behind your young child's behaviour. What is exactly wrong with referring to your child as Darling?

I agree with PP goid luck with the teenage years as the most 'sneaky' peers of my teenager are those with the autocratic rules!

It's how you go about solving the problems that signify a good parent to me.

AmaryllisNightAndDay are you joking? You do realise these are TV programmes with a set formula designed to pull in audience with its shock, horror and humiliation.

If you say so but that's not what I remember though it's a long while since I've watched those sorts of programme (mostly Supernanny in fact) Yes there's a set formula but they usually spent as long putting the parents right as the children.

Like a lot of posters I think OP has posted looking for validation and approval to back up what she thinks is the right way to do things. When some people challenged that and suggested looking into reasons for her DDs change in behaviour (new sibling on the way, hormone surge etc.) she hasn't engaged with that at all and just resorts to calling her child 'naughty' and 'a dick'.

If a 7 year old is already pushing back against this authoritarian style of parenting there will be rocky times ahead in teenage years.

Authoritarian hilarious.

I wouldn't boast about any degree, let alone one in psychology, if I kept spectacularly missing the point about dealing with a child's behaviour.
None of us would be happy with our children staying up late with an iPad (if they had one).
We'd just deal with it very differently.
Your way doesn't help her self regulate. Just to avoid punishment. Other ways will teach her to choose better for herself next time.
Good luck.

You have literally no idea about how I parent my child. I’ve taken her screen time for a week. No shouting, no threats. You have read one post and are making wild accusations which make you look really really dim.

She’s lost her screen time till Friday. That’s it.

That's good, now you've focussed on one main problem (taking the iPad) and used one fixed-term punishment for it. And dialled back on the "and the camera is found and her bedroom has been tidied and the attitude and ...".

If you are worred about "sneaky" behaviour then get your hands on a copy of Carolyn Webster-Stratton's "Incredible Years" troubleshooting book and look at the chapter on lying. In fact the whole thing is worth reading - an oldie but a goodie.

I've read your posts on the thread and how you've responded to pps.

Pps have thoughtfully explained different approaches and why they'd use them.

But, clearly, you know best. Let us know in 10 years how your approach is working out.

"That's good, now you've focussed on one main problem (taking the iPad) and used one fixed-term punishment for it. And dialled back on the "and the camera is found and her bedroom has been tidied and the attitude and ..."."

Not sure she has.