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Original poster

do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

331 replies

RetroMy · 19/09/2021 20:11

Sometimes?

married young I mean 18-24 years old vs over 35 years old.

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

Anyone else?

I feel like I’m ready to start my life over again. Now. No longer together and happier.

OP posts:
Notjustanymum · 19/09/2021 20:14

Nope!

Annoyedanddissapointed · 19/09/2021 20:15

I got married at 24, so young by your definition. At 24 you are, or should be very much your own developed person. So no. I don't feel envy.
Having kids is a different issue, which I have not had

2pinkginsplease · 19/09/2021 20:15

No I don’t feel like that, met DH when I was 19, got married at 23 and had our first child when I was 25. Been together 26 years.

Don’t feel I missed out, I kissed a few frogs before I met DH, we have done lots together, have our own friends, nights out with each other, nights out with friends and have an amazing relationship…. Most of the time!

Our children are older teens, both at uni and are enjoying our life together. Neither of us feel we have missed out on anything.

generalh · 19/09/2021 20:15

No. Why would I?

Original poster
RetroMy · 19/09/2021 20:15

I feel like if I was going to advise someone, I’d say the best age to start dating would be 28+ years old. Then get married between 29 - 34. Then start having kids 36+ years old. (Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

I would tell them leave 26 and below for yourself, travel, education and establishing your career Smile

OP posts:
Notjustanymum · 19/09/2021 20:16

If you meet your soulmate at 18, and they’re still your best friend 40 years later, then definitely nope!

Original poster
RetroMy · 19/09/2021 20:16

I’m now just focusing on myself Smile

OP posts:
Annoyedanddissapointed · 19/09/2021 20:16

yourself, travel, education and establishing your career

You know, you can do that when married, right?

LittleRedYoshi · 19/09/2021 20:18

Sorry, no. Been with DH since we were 19 - now 34, so been together basically all our adult lives and getting on for half our total lives. Very happy to have met my soulmate at an age that allowed us to share so many experiences together! I'm not bothered about having missed out on other partners, and it certainly hasn't hampered either of us developing our individual interests either.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/09/2021 20:18

People make the choices that suit them best. Why would they feel jealous of someone making different choices? Unless they feel they've made a mistake, maybe, but that's slightly different.

Neonplant · 19/09/2021 20:18

Surely it depend on what your relationship is like? You mentioned trying to please another person what if your relationship isn't like that?

I met my partner at 19 and I'm really greatful we met young as we are really happy. No children though so that helps.

mishmased · 19/09/2021 20:18

Nope. Got married at 19, went to uni, graduated worked then baby at 26, 29 and this year aged 34. We did lots before kids and getting married that young meant we did what we liked and didn't stress over things.

Spikeyplants · 19/09/2021 20:19

(Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

What a false, uneducated and non-scientific 'fact' you have have spun up. Please share with us where you 'have read this' and which medical journals and research studies they come from?

MsMeNz · 19/09/2021 20:19

Yes and no. I was bought up in culture where you married young or you got left in shelf. So if I wasn't married for by 24 I'd be mortified and stressed all the time. However if I'd been bought up in a more relaxed culture yes I would have preferred to have waited until my early thrties and lived a more fun life in my twenties. But over all everyone different I guess

mishmased · 19/09/2021 20:19

Should add we met aged 16 (me) and 17 (him).

LloydColesCommotions · 19/09/2021 20:19

No

tobedtoMNandfart · 19/09/2021 20:20

I met my soulmate at 18.5, still with him 31 years later. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone but we have a wealth of shared memories and have, arguably, grown and changed together over the years in a more flexible manner than if we had both met once set in our ways.
I did travel and focus on career in my 20s, they're not mutually exclusive. Married at 26, kids at 30 FWIW.
I don't think you can plan these things too much.

Neonplant · 19/09/2021 20:21

I would tell them leave 26 and below for yourself, travel, education and establishing your career

This is what I mean. We did this but in a relationship. I'm sure many people also did.

Keladrythesaviour · 19/09/2021 20:21

I got married at 26, didn't have children young. Doesn't have to go hand in hand. My DH helps me to be the version of me I want to be. And I hope I do the same for him. We've been together since I was 22.

Jengnr · 19/09/2021 20:23

My friend is a couple of weeks older than me. Had her first child very young and her second not far behind. Her and her husband are still together and extremely happy. She’s also carved out a good career and earns more than me.

I was 34 and 37 when I had mine. I’m sure she looks at me with envy when her and her husband go off somewhere without a thought and I’m trying to arrange babysitters or negotiating childcare with my husband. Grin

over2021 · 19/09/2021 20:24

Got married at 22. One kid before marriage, one kid after. I have a good career, my husband earns much less than me but loves his job, we own our own home with a relatively small mortgage and no debts. Sex is good Wink and we are starting to get our lives back now the kids are growing up. I'm not jealous of my friends getting married at 35, have no interest in redoing the baby years and watching them take mortgages that they won't pay off til they are gone 60. They are equally not jealous of me having lost my twenties to parenting and nursery bills Grin

The one thing that scares me is that I'm not sure DH and I know how to live without each other. I do worry that if he left me I'd be totally blindsided- the Relationships board here is full of me's!

Original poster
RetroMy · 19/09/2021 20:24

@Spikeyplants

(Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

What a false, uneducated and non-scientific 'fact' you have have spun up. Please share with us where you 'have read this' and which medical journals and research studies they come from?

See, it was in The Giardian www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/10/fertility-cliff-age-35-week-in-patriarchy

Based on research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association

OP posts:
IWillWashTheGreenWillow · 19/09/2021 20:25

What? No, I'm sorry I didn't meet DH (met at 23, married at 25) sooner. He encourages me to do new things and I rein in his greater excesses and 24 years on we are still very happy. Travel, education and careers don't stop just because you're married, if you've married the right person.

Original poster
RetroMy · 19/09/2021 20:25

Oops typo - meant The Guardian

OP posts:
TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 19/09/2021 20:25

I feel like you’re projecting a bit. It’s perfectly fine if you need to or want to start over, but you can’t say all marriages are the same. It’s a shame you felt that way, but that’s all about you.

My marriage has been supportive enough for both of us that we’ve developed our own interests and still do our own hobbies individually. I’ve definitely not spent the last 9 years trying to please him, at the expense of myself. It is perfectly possible to be yourself, build a successful career and develop your interests whilst married. We’ve grown up together and grown into great individual people whilst supporting each other.