do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

[RetroMy]

Sometimes?

married young I mean 18-24 years old vs over 35 years old.

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

Anyone else?

I feel like I’m ready to start my life over again. Now. No longer together and happier.

@Gorl

I’d also like to point out that both of us are speaking from a position of massive privilege. Many people never get the opportunity to travel the world, solo or otherwise. That doesn’t mean they haven’t explored themselves or had important, life-changing experiences. Travel is one way to do that, but not the only way. I think we should be wary of falling into the trap of suggesting that travel is the only meaningful way to have life-developing experiences, when that’s quite a shuttered view.

I never said it was necessary at all. I just don't believe travelling with others is comparable to going it alone.

The reason I highlighted travel is that it puts you in a position of being truly, completely, physically alone in a way that not many other things do. Perhaps living on a remote Scottish island with nobody else on it would be a similar thing, but how many people do that?

I don't know why these threads always turn into talk about travel. It makes me cringe as much as 18 year old women coming onto forums to say they're ready to be a mum because they don't like clubbing.

It tries to define women into two types of people, with only two potential lives in front of them, again not something we see men pondering to the same extent.

No. Didn't marry particularly young (we were 30) but to the same guy I've been with since we were 19. Now pushing 40 and still happy.

I have done both, travelled alone AND with DH, and with friends, and with DH and the kids.

The experiences were exactly the same FOR ME. Full of challenges and excitement and new found experiences.

@Rozziie You have no right to dictate to me and tell me I am 'wrong.' I am posting about MY experiences - not yours - MINE. And I found travel with others just as enlightening and challenging as being on my own. How DARE you dismiss my experiences and views and opinions purely because YOURS were different?

How breathtakingly arrogant of you.

People in their 40s with adult children act older and you can tell in their look and outlook.

At 45 I feel young and have youngish children. I teach kids where I'm the age of their grandparents.

@Gorl

I’d also like to point out that both of us are speaking from a position of massive privilege. Many people never get the opportunity to travel the world, solo or otherwise. That doesn’t mean they haven’t explored themselves or had important, life-changing experiences.

Travel is one way to do that, but not the only way. I think we should be wary of falling into the trap of suggesting that travel is the only meaningful way to have life-developing experiences, when that’s quite a shuttered view.

This ^ Good post...

Gosh no. I married at 23 and I am so happy I did. No fuck ups for me by horrible men who treated me like shit, grew with my husband. Love him, he loves me, we are in a good place and I am grateful I’ve been with him most of my adult life.

Really curious where did Rosie travel that it was such an ecpeeience of lonliness and whatever.

It's not remotely the same travelling alone as travelling with someone else. Absolutely nowhere near the same level of growth and learning.

Bugger growth and learning, I'm after a good holiday. DH is good for a laugh shag. Be dull without him

@Boombadoom

Gosh no. I married at 23 and I am so happy I did. No fuck ups for me by horrible men who treated me like shit, grew with my husband. Love him, he loves me, we are in a good place and I am grateful I’ve been with him most of my adult life.

Lovely post. Same here. Married mid 20s.. Been happily married for nearly 30 year with 2 (grown) kids. Wouldn't change a thing.

@MyPatronusIsACat

I have done both, travelled alone AND with DH, and with friends, and with DH and the kids.

The experiences were exactly the same FOR ME. Full of challenges and excitement and new found experiences.

@Rozziie You have no right to dictate to me and tell me I am 'wrong.' I am posting about MY experiences - not yours - MINE. And I found travel with others just as enlightening and challenging as being on my own. How DARE you dismiss my experiences and views and opinions purely because YOURS were different?

How breathtakingly arrogant of you.

It's not arrogant to think that someone who states they don't much like solo travel because it's lonely has entirely missed the point of solo travel.

I didn't say you had to like it or that you should like it or that your experiences weren't enlightening.

No not at all.

I’m mid 40s with dc in their early 20s. I was married at 23 I think, maybe 24yo. Still together. I had a wild few years before I got with my now dh so plenty of time to develop my interests.

And to be honest we’ve never had a claustrophobic relationship. I’ve totally carried on developing as an individual even while married. I’ve never been busy pleasing another person. 🤷‍♀️ I went back to uni and did a second degree, trained in another career, career has taken off big time. I have my own hobbies, interests and friends and always have done.

I’m so pleased I had dc at a young age. Because I have no responsibilities as such now. I can do what I want, when I want every day.

I never really understand why people think marrying young/being in a relationship means you can't do things like travel, get an education, build a career etc.

DH and I met when we were 17, both went to uni, have travelled together and separately with our own friends, bought our first house at 21 and both have nicely established careers now. We got married at 24, now 28 and very happy, I don't regret anything

@Annoyedanddissapointed

Really curious where did Rosie travel that it was such an ecpeeience of lonliness and whatever.

We aren’t married but DP and I have been together since we were 21 (5 years ago) and I am really grateful that we met earlier in life than eg my parents, who didn’t meet until they were 29 and 31, because we get to enjoy those extra years together. We’ve developed just fine and got to enjoy experiences together like being a student, travel, festivals etc. I love sharing those experiences with my favourite person and having someone who knows me so well around is really supportive to my development when I’m having a career wobble or something like that. We definitely wouldn’t have been able to buy houses individually but we could afford it together, so it’s probably better financially as well!
I think you are making a false equivalence between committing yourself to a partner young and having children young when they definitely don’t have to go together. I’d like to have our first baby when I’m around 28 though.

I met my husband a18, we married when I was 25. I'm 48 now and absolutely adore him. Wouldn't change a thing.

@RetroMy

I feel like if I was going to advise someone, I’d say the best age to start dating would be 28+ years old. Then get married between 29 - 34. Then start having kids 36+ years old. (Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

I would tell them leave 26 and below for yourself, travel, education and establishing your career

I'm 36, and in peri-menopause. I have 1 DC, gave birth aged 32 after 3+ years trying and 3 lots of IVF. No siblings (we wanted 3 DC) despite trying 8 rounds of IVF at £7k a pop.

Fertility isn't a myth. DH and I married aged 26/27, we met aged 23/24 - we had our teens and university for meeting lots of people, falling in and out of love, learning how to do sex that worked for us.

You don't have to leave it really late to have life experience! Mind you, I think marrying your teenage boy/girlfriend could lead to FOMO/regret later.

@VienneseWhirligig

Not me. I got married at 22 and wish I had married him the day we met, instead of waiting two years. He died two years ago and we would have been married for 20 years this year. Now being in my early 40s and suddenly on my own, I have no desire to find another partner or even a FWB. This is me, for however long I have left.

me too. I had my husband for a bit longer but yes, that part of my life is ended.

Ugh. Just realised the shit typing. I am watching Head Count so paying half attention to typing😂

@mooloop indeed, I also have several friends who married in their 20s but waited years (or haven't yet had, nor indeed intend to) have children. People seem to be conflating the two.

Oh and I also managed to backpack round SEA on my own before get married. So really I think I’ve done it all. Totally had my cake and eaten it.

I feel like I’ve done worst of both worlds judging by this thread! Been with DH since I was 19 but we didn’t have DS until I was 36.

I sometimes wish I’d met my husband a bit later tbh. I feel like I’ve never had a period of my life where I could just be really selfish (if that’s the right word). I’ve never lived alone which I think is something I’d like to experience.

@mooloop

I never really understand why people think marrying young/being in a relationship means you can't do things like travel, get an education, build a career etc.

DH and I met when we were 17, both went to uni, have travelled together and separately with our own friends, bought our first house at 21 and both have nicely established careers now. We got married at 24, now 28 and very happy, I don't regret anything

It's bonkers innit? Some people have some verrrrrry strange ideas and thoughts.

I went backpacking alone shortly after I met DP but we hadn’t yet got together. It wasn’t life changing and I don’t feel like I learnt or developed from it at all I must have done it wrong… I do wish I’d had him with me so that those memories were shared though.

The reason I highlighted travel is that it puts you in a position of being truly, completely, physically alone in a way that not many other things do. Perhaps living on a remote Scottish island with nobody else on it would be a similar thing, but how many people do that?

Where were you travelling that you didn’t have access to youth hostels / bars / restaurants / tours etc? I travelled solo for 8 months and wasn’t ever really lonely because I made pals everywhere I went.

Did you travel exclusively in the middle of the Sahara? Svalbard? The Mongolian steppes?