do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

[RetroMy]

Sometimes?

married young I mean 18-24 years old vs over 35 years old.

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

Anyone else?

I feel like I’m ready to start my life over again. Now. No longer together and happier.

DH and I started dating when I was 31, married at 33 and had DS at 34. I really wish I had met him a decade earlier. There is no right or wrong age it’s a right or wrong person issue.

nope, met my future husband when I was 14. Platonic till I was 17. We married when I was 21. We grew and developed together. He was my best friend as well as my lover. But I know I was amazingly lucky.

@Rozziie

I've travelled loads with other people, and it was great. But it was absolutely nowhere near the same level of learning and growth I got from solo travel.

That was YOU. Not everyone is YOU.

NEWSFLASH!! Not everyone is the same!!! As this thread proves (from the contributions of many posters,) many people including me, got as much growth and development and 'learning' from travelling with someone else - as they did travelling alone.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

a) You can, but most people don't, do they?

b) That's their choice, in most cases.

...wow.

When I left the country, I was absolutely penniless. Made redundant in the 2008 recession and had nothing. Nowhere to stay, no job, no savings. Nothing. I'm also autistic with a serious chronic illness. I could either go on the dole or I could take myself to the continent and take my chances there. Ended up being offered an au pair role and that's how I got started - the family I worked for paid my plane tickets.

So please spare me the 'wow'. The vast, vast majority of people in this country could have done exactly what I did, they just chose to prioritise other things. This idea that only rich Gap Yah type people get to travel is horseshit. The thing is most people wouldn't want to spent 10 hours on an overnight FlixBus to get around, or to sleep in hostel dorms every night, or have to wash dishes for 2 hours to earn their lunch.

Not me. I got married at 22 and wish I had married him the day we met, instead of waiting two years. He died two years ago and we would have been married for 20 years this year. Now being in my early 40s and suddenly on my own, I have no desire to find another partner or even a FWB. This is me, for however long I have left.

Nope.

I got married early 20s. Never for a second regretted it and if anything would expect my friends who are 8-10 years behind would be the jealous ones.

So many having a harder time TTC etc. And we're past the baby stage now and getting some freedom back.

Definitely very happy with how our marriage/parenting timings have gone.

I got married at 25 so just outside of your 'young' age. We have been together 20 years but no, I don't feel I missed out on experimentation. That was what university was for. By the time I graduated I was ready to be in a relationship.

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@Rozziie

I've travelled loads with other people, and it was great. But it was absolutely nowhere near the same level of learning and growth I got from solo travel.

That was YOU. Not everyone is YOU.

NEWSFLASH!! Not everyone is the same!!! As this thread proves (from the contributions of many posters,) many people including me, got as much growth and development and 'learning' from travelling with someone else - as they did travelling alone.[/quote]
Well, your comment was very telling - that you prefer to travel with others because solo travel is 'lonely'. That's kind of exactly my point about the growth and development - you learn to rely on yourself and enjoy your own company to the point you never feel lonely anymore.

@Annoyedanddissapointed

Does emigration count as extensive travel?🙈

It is a very different experience compared to wafting in with a backpack knowing that you will be moving on again.

Emigration means taking everything you have ever known about being a grownup and having to learn it again. It means finding a permanent home for yourself and any other family members coming with you. If you have DCs it means sorting schools. It means working out how the local health service works.

IMO emigration is a far bigger adventure than 'going travelling'.

I wouldn't consider aupair as a travel tbh... Also, it's not really traveling alone.when you live with a family who gives you safe base.

Interesting question. I got with DP at 34 after years of "bad" dating and always felt secretly envious of my peers who met their OH at a young age. Now in my 40s many of those couples have now split up and people are single/starting again/dating whereas DP and I are happily settled (I know you can never guarantee anything lasting!)

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@Rozziie

It's not remotely the same travelling alone as travelling with someone else. Absolutely nowhere near the same level of growth and learning.

What an absolute pile of rot.[/quote]
I don't think it is rot. I've done both and did have a much more steep and intense growth and learning curve travelling alone and relying on my own wits and meeting friends in various countries than I did in the relative comfort and security of travelling with my partner.

@GnomeDePlume oooh that's very nicely described

[quote Rozziie]@Gorl I also usually find travel with others is more fun, but we're not talking about fun, are we? The most important travel experiences I've had have also been some of the hardest.[/quote]
Sure, I believe you. I’m just saying my experience was different - travelling with my husband was just as challenging and life changing as travelling on my own. I’m sure that having travelled so extensively yourself you’re able to understand that other people’s experiences might not be the same as yours but are nonetheless just as valid

@GnomeDePlume I've done both, both as a child and as an adult. They are not comparable. Yes, emigration means greater social challenges, like needing to fit in, organise things, etc. but that often also comes with advantages - expat groups, social groups, seeing the same people around and getting to know them and become friends with them. They're not remotely the same thing though.

I met DH at 18. I had DS1 at 20 and DS2 at 23. A decade later we are still very happy and have a great supportive marriage. He's my best friend. We have both finished our degrees and I have a career etc. Plus by the time I'm 41 my children will be adults. Absolutely no regrets!

Having said that friends who've met their partners later and have had children later seem just as happy on the whole. So I would say there is no right way of doing things. It depends on the person and the situation.

I knew DH was my soul mate at 18. I still know it now. Luckily he feels the same! No point waiting until we got to an acceptable age.

No. I did choose well and we've had a good life, so no regrets, but marrying young (and staying together) is a large part of why we were financially stable in our 30s and very comfortably off in our 40s.

Ok so we didn't do the travelling or have so many other adventures in our youth, but I didn't want them at the time and we had the money to do it well later.

23, and no, no regrets. More time with my best mate and lover.

I’d also like to point out that both of us are speaking from a position of massive privilege. Many people never get the opportunity to travel the world, solo or otherwise. That doesn’t mean they haven’t explored themselves or had important, life-changing experiences. Travel is one way to do that, but not the only way. I think we should be wary of falling into the trap of suggesting that travel is the only meaningful way to have life-developing experiences, when that’s quite a shuttered view.

No not at all, met DH when I was 18, married at 21. We've grown up together and he has encouraged me to do many things such as travel, studying, making time for my interests etc. We had two children by the time I was 25 and so now we're early 40s and our boys are adults so we're free to go on days out, on holiday etc and only ourselves to please.

For some people, married and kids before 25/30 would be ghastly. For others, waiting until mid-late 30s/early 40s for all that would be equally as ghastly. Everyone has different goals and wishes and what suits one won't necessarily suit another. I waited until mid-late 30s before settling down with kids; I said from a young age that's the way I wanted it and would have felt robbed of my youth and freedom otherwise. Friends of mine have planned and done the opposite of me and also have happy lives, just as I do. Horses for courses.

Meet at 16 fell pregnant at 17 married at 21 still happily married now make me smile everyday don't feel I missed out on anything

Grass is always greener.

Its a class thing. Most mc do your recommended pattern. A lot establish their career and buy their forever home before kids in late 30s or later.
But it comes with risks and trauma. And terminations.

This thread has a lot of early marriers on it which are skewing the narrative.

Then start having kids 36+ years old. (Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

Is this a joke? Are you trolling for a reaction here?

It's not a myth. Miscarriage, genetic issues, complicated births, stillbirth and fertility problems all get increasingly common through your thirties. Plenty of women might get pregnant in late thirties but plenty also miscarry & struggle to get pregnant too.

My first pregnancy was easy (age 31). 2and, 3rd and 4th (33, 33, 34) not so - miscarriage.... another miscarriage.... another miscarriage (all unexplained). 5th pregnancy very complicated and resulted in premature birth and various issues.

Biologically speaking (and statistically) women are far better off having children in their twenties.

I met DH when I was 21. No regrets.