To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

Plenty have criticised men in similar positions. But its not as though Mick Jagger is a lone parent to a young child at that age, so not comparable. Presumably the mother of his child is alot younger than he is.

@Snog

Nobody seemed to be criticising Mick Jagger at age 77.

Shocking double standards here.

because he's not the one responsible for the child and the mother who is is in her early 30s.

Right now, I consider ANYONE having a baby to be selfish, or utterly unaware of the effects that Climate Crisis is going to have on this world fairly shortly. IF I were of child-bearing age (no matter what that age is), I would not do so. UNLESS we change radically, within the next 50 years, our children and grandchildren are going to be choking on unbreathable air, and starving.

I am in my 60s now, never had children and have always questioned why anyone does. I think with younger people it could be taken as a more strong hormonal or 'natural' instinct. But with older women or men it seems to me to be an egotistical act - their genes must be carried on. Why? Are there not enough people in this world? I haven't read the details of this woman's circumstances, presumably she is better off and able to pay for medical and childcare help. As are many of the older famous fathers quoted. Isn't it increasingly thought that the quality of men's sperm does detiorate with age and cause more birth defects? I wonder if they ever consider that?

The father of my son died aged 36, my son was 3 years old.
it can happen at anytime so using death as a reason doesn't resonate with me

I could name dozens of high profile men who have had kids at that age and much older, and no body cares, it’s just women.

In all these cases, the child will have a younger mother who will be their main carer. In the case, while the child has a younger father, he does not even live with them, so while involved, he does not provide regular care. That is shared by the mum and nanny.

Personally, I think it is none of anyone else’s business.

She’s kind of made it her business by putting it in the public domain and writing a book about it.

No one knows how long we have but we are the only ones to understand we will die
This is such a pointless comment. Of course everyone can die at anytime and we can't stop our lives on this basis. It's about statistics. What should come up in the decision is the risk level of the child ending up with no-one close to look after them and/or the child being raised by an unhealthy parent whose condition hold them back being a good parent.

At 30, the risk is low. At 60+, it is high. Someone posted the average age of health life being in their 60s. That means a high chance that this mother will suffer from a chronic condition, and everyone suffering from one know how hard it is to raise a child with one. Add that there is no father to take over, nor grand parents, then the risk that this child will be raised by an unhealthy mum or a stranger are high. That's what make it such a selfish decision compared to a 30 and eve 40yo.

@tomorrowalready

I am in my 60s now, never had children and have always questioned why anyone does. I think with younger people it could be taken as a more strong hormonal or 'natural' instinct. But with older women or men it seems to me to be an egotistical act - their genes must be carried on. Why? Are there not enough people in this world? I haven't read the details of this woman's circumstances, presumably she is better off and able to pay for medical and childcare help. As are many of the older famous fathers quoted. Isn't it increasingly thought that the quality of men's sperm does detiorate with age and cause more birth defects? I wonder if they ever consider that?

This is what baffles me. Im old enough to have lived alongside friends grieving the chance to be a mother but they both accepted and have let that go and are fulfilled and busy and happy.

It's like this woman was stuck feeling the feelings you'd completely understand in a 42 year old but TWO DECADES LATER she still felt those feelings.

She spent more than 2 decades deliberating and agonising - to me that doesnt sound like motherhood was something she desperately wanted. Considering she was financially stable, and not relying on her own fertility, I cant understand how there wasnt another acceptable time between the ages of 40 ish and 64 that she thought able to start a family.

I think it is selfish because clearly she has had little to do with the advent of this child: not her eggs, not her gestation… it was basically a purchase. And documenting their “journey” - cements for me that the child was the missing accessory for her.

I think most surrogacies are ethically dubious anyway, as the logical conclusion is that any person with whatever proclivities could “buy” a child for their own use. Adoption is so well regulated, yet sling some money at a foreign clinic and hey presto - a baby with no questions asked.

I wonder if she considered adoption?

Yes, it's awful - just as its awful that so many kids get geriatric fathers - but they don't the bashing do they, even though they cause birth defects, never mind being more like grandads than fathers - but hey, men can do whatever they like in this world

Those dads generally don’t look after the kids though so they - the mums will be younger, or they will be doing it via a surrogate and be in a position to hire help. The child will more than likely be nurtured by a woman, not the older dad.

ready made free carer, child will feel obligated to look after her at the expense of their own life oppurtunities

I had BabyMibs unplanned at 42..... with no help..... at 64, not for me but who are we to decide someone elses life, we all have the right to choose what we do and when to a degree, I daresay its not a decision she took lightly nor did the doc simply say yeah I'll book you in for that next week love. Not our right to judge, and to me the only thing to be said is the same as for any new mother, congrats!

@Mummybearroars

Yabu to say 'mother' instead of parent. Why is it okay for a man not a woman?

Because when older men do it, it’s usually with a younger woman who will still be around to care for the child.

Yes it is selfish, but it is far less selfish compared to the millions of people who are not capable of raising a child properly but still having them because they don’t know any better.

Her child will still be better off than the children dealing with hunger, children that are homeless, children that needs to work or beg at a very young age, children who cannot get access to education, children who don’t even have clean water to drink… There are many children suffering in this world and having an elderly mother is not a big deal if one has enough funds and support system, compared to them.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. No thought given to the child... Having children at that age whether or not the person is male or female is very selfish.

@ItWearsTheBatteriesOut

Parenthood is selfish, I struggle to get upset about this, see the thread about one bedroom flat and pregnant with the third, that's no less selfish. Having children is selfish

How is having children selfish? What about if you have a nice home with plenty of room and only have one child or two? Is it selfish to give someone a life?