To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

Yabu to say 'mother' instead of parent. Why is it okay for a man not a woman?

Because the child will have a younger mother (sometimes a much younger mother).

@Aroundtheworldin80moves She's clearly well off which helps but still doesn't make it right.

often these are people with significant resources who really wanted a child and are able to provide it with a stable and privileged life.

But there is a high chance statistically that she could be orphaned as a sibling-less teenager - I'm not sure that's a privilege.

It’s ridiculous, OP, YANBU.

I struggle with understanding why anyone would wait until their 60s to become a parent. It just seems a bit of an afterthought.

I'm equally bemused about how those drawings made it into a book

@WimpoleHat

Well, it’s obviously not ideal and this is a very extreme case. But I don’t get the angst generally about “older mothers” (ie in their 40s) generally; often these are people with significant resources who really wanted a child and are able to provide it with a stable and privileged life. It’s the teenagers giving birth that I worry about more; must be a real struggle all round.

A stable and privileged life is not always a happy one.

Having read the article, I think it’s wonderful. This woman has an abundance of love, energy and let’s face it - resources! to put into parenting. I think it’s a very slippery slope to say that some women shouldn’t be mothers because of a certain factor. Would we do the same for obesity? Poor health? Addicts? Teens? Poverty? Criminals?

What age do you think the cut off should be for mothers?

I think her previous career is relevant as head of an art gallery. I think this child is obviously very much wanted and loved, but is her latest acquisition to furnish her life. In the Saturday Times article from last week she doesn't discuss how the child came to be conceived and carried but it's a fair chance it was surrogacy, which I have ethical objections to for feminist reasons; it's always a commercial arrangement between a rich woman and a poorer one. This adds to my sense that this is an acquisition.
As for the point that we don't object to men having children in their 60s, many people do. Also, I imagine it's easier for a child to lose her elderly father than her single mother. We lost my ultra-fit 67 year old MIL this year, I mention it because this little girl could be orphaned before she starts school. I accept that 35 year old single mothers can be hit by a bus, but it's less common than 65-70 year olds dying of cancer.

A stable and privileged life is not always a happy one.

Well, no - but it’s a pretty good place to start, surely? And happiness isn’t directly related to the age of your parents either….

A stable and privileged life is not always a happy one.

No but an unhappy stable and privileged life is better than an unhappy chaotic and poor life.

I disagree. Its no more selfish than a lot of other decisions people make.

A woman could have a child in her 20s and still die.

It maybe selfish in that they won't be in their kids lives for years and years, but equally any one of us younger parents could die today and not be in our kids lives.

Maybe it's just selfish to have kids at any age?

Yes!! Super selfish!!!

@HalzTangz

A woman could have a child in her 20s and still die.

It maybe selfish in that they won't be in their kids lives for years and years, but equally any one of us younger parents could die today and not be in our kids lives.

Maybe it's just selfish to have kids at any age?

It's more than a bit disingenuous to pretend that the odds of a 30 yr old dying are the same as the odds of a 60-70 yr old dying. There is a reason life insurance gets mote expensive when you're older.

Parents who have children this late in life know full well that they are likely to die when the child is young. Even if they are fit and healthy for their age, a 70 or 80 yr old is not going to have the level of energy it takes to actively parent young children and teens.

It is wrong, and it is also wrong when men do it. Those who says it's okay because the people who have children this late in life are usually very well off have spectacularly missed the point. Money cannot make up for losing a parent when you're very young.

Would we do the same for obesity? Poor health? Addicts? Teens? Poverty? Criminals

But we do. We do say people who fit into one of the above categories shouldn’t have children. I say ‘we’ as a collective society. Women especially have always been judged for choosing to bring children into the world in less than perfect circumstances. This is no different.

As someone in their 60’s I think she must be insane! You just don’t have the energy you have in your 20s/30s/40s. That’s despite the fact that I have lived an extremely healthy lifestyle.

I don't think it's the height of selfishness- but it's unethical on the part of the doctor.

I think a child conceived naturally by a 48 yea old mother and a 63 year old father is a very different case.

I actually think it's more selfish to bring a child into poverty, whatever your age.

I do think it's rather selfish, but not for the reasons you give. I think that it is medically risky for the baby (and the mother, but that's her choice). I'm assuming that she's using egg donation, but she's still carrying the baby in her uterus at an age when it wasn't designed for the purpose.

For the rest: it's hardly rare to be brought up by an older woman: many children are brought up mainly or solely by their grandparents. The mother in this case has a big responsibility to ensure that there are other people who can assist if she becomes ill or dies; but if she does, I don't know that her actions are more selfish in this respect than many other things that parents do.

People judge everything a woman does. Have a kid at 17? Irresponsible and not able to give the kid the life it deserves. Have a kid at 45? Selfish and irresponsible. I would love a world where we just accepted people and their choices as they are (as long as they aren't deliberately causing other people harm).

Very selfish and I say that as someone who's father died when he was 43.

What gets me is that she left it until her late 50s to make the once and for all decision as to whether or not to pursue motherhood. Talk about leaving it late.

I saw that article and was also shocked by the selfishness. I totally agree with you.