To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

@EmeraldShamrock

My husband is wonderful and so hands on with our children. But I was the only one who could calm them for weeks after Id given birth. Have you heard of the 4th trimester? You recognise the 4th trimester with your baby but deny a surrogate baby has a bond with their BM passed the exit.

EVERY CHILD BORN, IS BORN TO SELFISH MOTHER FUCKERS
Would you prefer if the human race died out? It is a very bitter outlook on life.
Personally I love family and human relationships I'm delighted to be here born to an unselfish DM.

Did you mean to quote me @EmeraldShamrock? I completely disagree with taking babies away from their mothers after the birth

JPJ has said that in time she will tell people how the baby came to be hers.

I agree it's a very unusual choice and not without its downside, for sure.

But in perspective, a lot worse things happen to children than losing a parent before they are 30-35.

She may live to be a 100 and if not, the odds are she will certainly live till her daughter is 18 or 21.

I think I might have felt differently if the mother in the article had always wanted children or had tried unsuccessfully for years....but it literally seems like she only started considering it in her 60s.

This was what jumped out at me. It was like she felt it would be something interesting to do with her retirement.

Yes of course it's selfish. For both men and women.

@CounsellorTroi

I think I might have felt differently if the mother in the article had always wanted children or had tried unsuccessfully for years....but it literally seems like she only started considering it in her 60s.

This was what jumped out at me. It was like she felt it would be something interesting to do with her retirement.

She states in the article it was:

something that I’d been deliberating and agonising over with Pia’s father for more than two decades

@milkyaqua but tellingly didn’t actually do it until she was in her 60s?!

Yes she may have 20 years with her daughter but staggeringly selfish to likely have lumbered her daughter with a doddery/infirm mother and elderly care at an extremely young age

@CounsellorTroi the child has father he could be 30 for all you know.

[quote Niffler92]@CounsellorTroi the child has father he could be 30 for all you know.[/quote]
Erm shes been debating with him for 20 years apparently so that would mean he would have been 10 when they got together …..

Maybe read the article?

I'm just correcting some incorrect 'facts' - if you're going to slag her off, at least read the article properly.

Another fact: She isn't 'in retirement' either. She didn't retire, get bored, and get a baby. She quit her fulltime job with having the baby in he rlife in mind, and is now working part-time.

[quote HermioneKipper]@milkyaqua but tellingly didn’t actually do it until she was in her 60s?!

Yes she may have 20 years with her daughter but staggeringly selfish to likely have lumbered her daughter with a doddery/infirm mother and elderly care at an extremely young age[/quote]
why do posters insist on these steroptypes of 'the elderly'?

@HermioneKipper You seem very ageist in your observations.

I have a friend in their early 80s. They swim 25 lengths at 7am every day.
They drive their granddaughter 150 miles to uni.
They travel the world to see their own daughter on the other side of the world.

Not all older people are doddery. And someone like JPJ has the money , friends, partner etc, to provide care for herself in her older age without her daughter having to do it.

You are assuming so much.

Elton John had children at this age. Is he selfish?

@welliesarefuntowear

Elton John had children at this age. Is he selfish?

Yes.

It’s not something I’d do. But I don’t think it’s the ‘height’ of selfishness. I can think of some commonplace male behaviours in relation to parenting that are infinitely more selfish.

@VladmirsPoutine

Yanbu. You're going to get a tonne of responses along the lines of "Well you could die at any age" and "Men can continue till their 70s and nobody criticises them" etc etc but you have to draw the line somewhere and it's waayyy before 64.

This. I would say it was way before 44, never mind 64!

In the article there is mentions of a Nanny, an Aunt and the child's father. So other family and carers around

that assumes they will remain alive for a long time. Is the Nanny a grandmother or a nanny? If the former, she must be in her 80s at least. If a nanny she can leave and find another job at any time. The aunt may also be quite old and could become inform or move away.

Grim... "rent a womb" in America by the sound of it. Great role model for her daughter although she probably won't live long enough to have too much influence on the poor child.

I’ve asked this before and got no answer. When is a woman definitively too old to obtain and bring up a newborn? There are a couple of cases in India of women doing this in their 70s. One gave birth to twins.

Elton John had children at this age. Is he selfish? yes another selfish twit exploiting a woman for another vanity project.

But the babies end up orphans and looked after by other people. The woman in Spain had twins at 64 (I think she went abroad and lied) and the babies were taken from her by social services - there seems to have been a history of neglect (I think she had had children

I read a long article about her the other day and had the same thoughts.
For me it’s more the triple whammy of being a) in her sixties b) choosing to do so as a single parent* and c) using a surrogate, so paying another woman to use her body. Individually I wouldn’t judge and none of us have children in the perfect situation but combined .. yes … I did judge
*Yes the Dad seems to be involved but the child very much only lives with the Mother.

(Pressed too soon) an older child had been taken into care before because she couldn’t take care of her. She has no family or support network. She was supposed to get 24hr support case. This was all about her and not the welfare of the children.

@HermioneKipper no sorry I wasn't meant to quote your post.

Just realised she didn’t actually carry it herself. Well at least that’s one good thing about this.

That's worse surely? She's even more selfish for (presumably) exploiting another woman's womb for her own gain and worse, causing her newborn trauma by taking her away from the familiar sounds and scent of her birth mother, just to cause her added trauma of being motherless young. It's abhorrent all round IMO. As a pp said - just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

I've asked this before and got no answer. When is a woman definitively too old to obtain and bring up a newborn?
Mother nature's clock is usually a good indicator. Imo 45/50.
Unless said child is already born and requires DGP to foster.

@EmeraldShamrock

I've asked this before and got no answer. When is a woman definitively too old to obtain and bring up a newborn? Mother nature's clock is usually a good indicator. Imo 45/50. Unless said child is already born and requires DGP to foster.

Yes there should be a distinction between what is desirable and what can work in an emergency situation.

If DH and I died, the Dc would go to my ILs and I am sure they would be ok. Do I think my ILs should choose to have their own children at this age however? No. Heck, I’m even sure my grandparents in their 80s would cope if they had to look after my DC for a period but it would in no way be desirable.

I’m in my sixties and grandparent to a 3 year old. Due to my daughter’s declining health, I’ve taken on most of the childcare for her child(single parent). I love both my daughter and granddaughter but it is exhausting. I worry constantly about my granddaughter’s future if I were to become to become ill myself.
I am sure the Mother in this case is healthy and financially secure but I can’t see this as anything other than a selfish action.