to think I’ll spend most of my time with a newborn at home?

[Jemisphere]

I wondered how much people tended to get out and out with their baby before the 12 week point?

Context is I’m due a baby in December. Especially given covid and weather I think I’ll be spending most of January and February at home in my pyjamas trying to figure out how to care for a new born and watching box sets.
I didn’t think we would be making many plans as I’m planning to EBF, I figured they would spend a lot of time feeding at irregular times, and given I’m good at napping thought I would literally try and sleep when baby does.
I do see from social media that some people I know who have had summer babies have seemed to be out at the pub and at picnics pretty much straight away. It has also been voiced by a family member that of course I’ll want people around everything weekend and to drive the baby out as I’ll be so bored. The response when I said about trying to BF was if I’m a chilled out mum I’ll have a chilled out baby and I can always give them a bottle.
I wondered what others experience was? Is it very dependant on the temperament of the baby?

When I had my baby, after the first couple of weeks, I made an effort to start attending baby groups. I went to one everyday, made friends and went out afternoons. Babies can be boring and you will want company, support and cake to get through it.

[quote PjsOn]@Moonwatcher1234 what do you mean "EBF and I would find a quiet place in a cafe or somewhere where the owner would let me do it." Please do not lead the poster to think you have to ask permission to feed your baby!!! I'm on baby 3 ebf, I've spent the past 5 1/2 years (with a bit of time off between babies) feeding and never have I asked the owner of a cafe or anywhere I happen to be if I can feed my baby!!! Your baby needs feeding, you feed them. You don't need to seek approval from others around you like you are doing something wrong.[/quote]
I took that to mean asking if a cafe owner wouldn't mind you taking up a seat when you weren't planning on buying anything. I was happy to BF anywhere and everywhere but if I was just using the space without using their service I would ask. Same as if I was a paying customer I would just use the loo, if I wasn't buying anything but needed the loo I would ask.

I stayed at home and went for a walk everyday but didn't do that much else I just wanted to get used to looking after a baby and I was 😍😍😍 and totally happy

I'm someone that is normally out and about everywhere 😀

I stayed at home for 4-6 weeks with mine. It's a very previous time.

@DappledThings ahh yes good point they could have meant that! I'm a tea drinker so I've always just paid for a brew to sit down.

Having had my first baby in lockdown, earlier in the year, nothing was open so the only chance we could go out was for a walk or to go to my parents who we'd bubbled with. Once my husband went back to work and I wasn't at my parents/they weren't at ours it can get quite lonely and boring (ngl). But do whatever is right for you, I wish things like a cafe was open when my son was born as it would've given me a change of scenery.

[quote PjsOn]@DappledThings ahh yes good point they could have meant that! I'm a tea drinker so I've always just paid for a brew to sit down.[/quote]
If that isn't what they meant then I'm totally with you. I always was happy to buy a cup of tea too. And some cake. So much cake in those early days. Happy times!

I went out every day for a walk, but that's all I could do because of lockdowns. That said, if it weren't for Covid, any plans that I made I would have for my own house because I was also EBF and it's just easier to be at home.

I watched a lot of tv in the early days.

I've never had a child but I know from friends who have that back in the 80s and 90s, the HV used to chide them big time if they didn't go out every day for a walk in the fresh air at least!

I struggled to get out and about with my baby. Cluster feeding can really stop you going out. And my Little one used to be more nocturnal than most. It really depends on you and the baby.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

We went out at everyday, at least for a walk. The fresh air helped them sleep.

How many did you have in one go?!!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Thank you that was a very reassuring post and got to the heart of the issue really!

I’m not planning on literally not leaving the house so sorry if that didn’t come across in the OP- we have a nice row of shops and a park with a lake etc so was thinking I’d toddle about by myself if I’m up to it, however I’m very reluctant to sign up to any plans or classes and currently feeling very under pressure from family members to be escorting baby to them/ planning days out early on.
I am going to antenatal yoga and have NCT booked but tbh find it a bit awkward so far- maybe that will change.
I haven’t gone around telling people that I’m staying in the house for 3 months but I suppose that’s the ‘4th trimester’ which is which I wrote 12 weeks - and my deflecting response to people trying to make plans with me after having the baby has been ‘I’ll probably be at home perpetually topless haha’

@Marikali I have also seen the stats about pandemic helping establish breastfeeding!

Dc1and dc4 used to feed a lot as newborns so I watched a lot of box sets with them (with dc4 it was mostly during the night as I had the older dc around during the day). It was a while before I ventured out with dc1 in the buggy as I had pnd and found getting out with the buggy on the bus really overwhelming. With dc2 I was out at baby/toddler groups from when dc2 was 10 days old as that's when dh went back to work.

@VickyEadieofThigh

I've never had a child but I know from friends who have that back in the 80s and 90s, the HV used to chide them big time if they didn't go out every day for a walk in the fresh air at least!

Blow the Health Visitor, I cannot imagine being so involved with one that they would be telling me what to do.

People go out when they feel like it and are ready to do so. There is fresh air in the back garden. A few weeks mainly staying at home will hurt no one, it's cosy and private. However some people love going out, it's up to the individual.

I'd be wary of the relatives wanting to come every weekend from the start (but that's maybe just me). I had my DD during lockdown and during the first weeks while recovering from the c section and trying to BF, I was frequently so glad we couldn't have visitors... I remember going about the house with all the curtains pulled, dressing gown open as I couldn't bear anything touching my nipples which felt like they'd been razor-bladed... and saying to my husband "imagine getting a knock on the door now and a random visitor... thank God for lockdown!" [ But I think it's generally the first 4-6 weeks you maybe feel like that (although lots of mums I know seemed to be out and about very quickly, so everyone's different). Getting out for walks was great though but I just couldn't have dealt with visitors very early on. On the other hand,they could be a help. A friend of mine had said she hated getting visitors in the first weeks while trying to establish EBF because she was busy entertaining them,making cups of tea etc and then nipping upstairs to feed whereas she felt she'd have been better just in PJs feeding whenever for the first 6 weeks. But if it was close family, they could be making you the tea and helping you in some way, which would be different.
But yeah I don't think you need to reserve 12 weeks to just be at home... I wouldn't make huge plans though. I remember feeling a lot better physically etc from about week 5.
Boxsets/netflix was a real godsend for nightfeeding, made me feel less alone when up with baba for hours in the middle of the night, I ended up quite enjoying it, got through the whole of Peaky Blinders 😀

We had a lockdown baby and did stay in for quite a long time. It wasn't bad. For weeks the only venturing out I did was to get grocerries and it was a good few weeks before he joined- and wearing him close when people were at the height of distancing.

Do what feels right for you and emerge when you are ready.

Yes OP I just read your last post. You're absolutely right. Stick to your guns. The line about probably going about the house topless is so true and a good thing to deflect people. Do what you're doing, avoid signing up to things and making concrete plans,prioritise establishing EBF, when you feel ready it's not hard to then meet up with people in whatever way you feel comfortable with, once you know you and your baby's routine (you will fall into one at some stage). During cluster feeding, trying to pump and getting mastitis etc, last thing I wanted was visitors or friend dates - except a friend who knew about breast feeding who was a lifesaver when my baby wouldn't feed etc. Thinking about it as the 4th trimester is best, definitely don't overcommit yourself. You'll be fine, just keep to those boundaries that you're establishing.

If you organise things, you can have a great 3 month period as EBF mum.
No bottles to make. I had a big pasmina that meant I could feed in a park or the car.
I sorted laundry as it arrived, always left a load washing as I walked out for the day.
Never leave a room empty handed. Putting 1 thing where it belongs, means less mess.
Meet friends, or go to groups, being alone is not good for you.

Depends on you and how your birth goes as well as the temperament of your baby. For instance my first was an emergency section, I don't drive so rested up a lot for the first 6 weeks and only went out after that. She was also on a strict feeding schedule and I was busy with that. With my second it was an elective, he was bottle fed and both he and I were more relaxed. I still rested up but went out at around 4 weeks to start baby groups. My current baby is 2 weeks old and I had am emergency section. I'm resting up yet but dh is taking baby to a class starting next week and I hope to catch a few of the classes by time I am 4-6 weeks postpartum hopefully. I think I would have made more of an effort to go out had I been driving as going via public transport where I live with a young baby always seemed more of a faff. I'm also quite a homebody anyway, for those who aren't I totally get that they need to escape the house.

DC1 was mid November and I really did embrace staying home / chilling / napping. He was a gloriously easy baby. Of course we went out, but possibly not everyday. We had regular visitors and lived close to family who had young children so we did lots of visiting.

DC2 was a January baby and she needed to go out daily. She was a difficult, unsettled baby and needed the pram to sleep. My poor then 2yo used to have to tag along on those cold, damp walks.

DC3 was also a January baby but spent her first few weeks in neonatal. She came home with a feeding tube but we were out and about from the beginning though as DC1 was then in reception and DC2 started nursery not long afterwards.

My baby wouldn't sleep unless he was on the move . I spent hours walking round the houses with him in the pram- or round the local supermarket if it was raining. Every weekend we went out for a long drive in the car so that both me and the baby could sleep at the same time .

He had colic, but also I think I didn't have enough milk and he was hungry . HV recommended I supplement with bottle feeds and he improved then.

I remember us going on holiday to Cornwall when he was 6 weeks and I was feeding both breast and bottle at that point.

I think it depends on both you and your baby. If you have friends who are at home on maternity leave or SAHM then you are more likely to go visiting with your friends.

You won't know until you have had the baby how you will feel.
I was out and about 3 days after emergency C-section with my twins and couldn't stand being cooped up in the house.
This was January 2018 and it was cold and snowing. I breastfed.
You'll know what feels right once the time comes. You just won't know at this stage.

I was made redundant just before my first daughter was born and even at the time, although I had concerns about work, money and the future - I knew I would end up valuing the time I had with my daughter - I am the father BTW. We had been involved with the NCT classes - my wfe worked for the NHS and was able to start work on very flexible arrangements - a couple of mornings a week then a day a and half - gradually built it up. My wife used to express in the mornings and I used to go to the NCT coffee mornings with all the other new mums - it was struggle to get all the paraphernalia together and get out of the house on time but it was well worth it - just to hear everyone else's mishaps, worries, insecurities coupled with a lot of laughter - even if you haven't been involved with the group I'd still see if you can go along and join in - I don't know why the NCT sometimes gets some bad press - we found it helpful. DD was born in April so having the god weather helped but 2nd DD was born in Sept when (by a stroke of luck) I was also out of work! I met people and made friends through the baby clinic at the GP's surgery - they are still friends now 28 years later. So even when the were very small I would take them in to town, walk through the park and there were some nice cafes with changing facilities I could visit - you soon work out where the best places are. At first I felt self conscious when she cried but there's only so many things it can be - nappy, trapped wind, hungry, too hot, uncomfortable, sore, tired, bored or needs a cuddle - you just have to stop and try and work out which one of those it is and attend to them where ever you are even if means sitting on someones wall (done that a few times walking in to town). Sometimes they just cry!

Try and sleep when the baby does - you hear this all the time and I think it's good advice but I think it's harder to do than you think - you'll always feel like there are things you could do - wash up or stick the dishwasher on, tidy and vacuum, put a clothes wash on, etc and before you know it - just as you decide to take a rest the baby wakes up and you haven't had a break - that's how the fatigue and irritation starts to set in. The first year was hard on many fronts. For balance - IMHO - the thing about listening to advice from everyone else is that some of it is very useful but I also think it can stop your own self confidence from growing if you start thinking everyone else is so much more intuitive and knowledgeable - you will make mistakes - 99% really won't matter IMHO - I would try and accept that it's a learning curve - your personal journey - your learning curve and try and enjoy the process - I found a lot to smile, laugh and love about it. I would consider it an achievement to get out of the house and do something with my DD - even if it's just a walk outside or a 10 min walk to the shop. My DD always used to be calmed by taking her for a drive in the car - I'm sure that's not uncommon. Friends with babies are your allies really - it's so much easier to go to the park or to town with someone else in the same boat. I certainly wouldn't stay in to watch boxed sets.

Your plan sounds good OP. I went for a walk everyday but other than that mostly stayed home, soaking it all in. I did meet my NCT group a few times but honestly found socialising with people I didn't know very well exhausting. DD was quite a screamy little thing so going out with her could be quite overwhelming.

Just see how it goes, you can sign up to baby classes at a later date, you don't need to decide now. Good luck 😊

I forgot to add I was stuck in for so much of the time as I wash permanently attached to a breast pump trying to increase my supply. It wasn't working for me so I have it up and started going out more. It was a battle trying to do everything and pump so I just stayed in a lot which is 100% more than fine as baby was so little an unaware of the world at that stage. All baby wanted was to be on mummy or feed.