to think I’ll spend most of my time with a newborn at home?

[Jemisphere]

I wondered how much people tended to get out and out with their baby before the 12 week point?

Context is I’m due a baby in December. Especially given covid and weather I think I’ll be spending most of January and February at home in my pyjamas trying to figure out how to care for a new born and watching box sets.
I didn’t think we would be making many plans as I’m planning to EBF, I figured they would spend a lot of time feeding at irregular times, and given I’m good at napping thought I would literally try and sleep when baby does.
I do see from social media that some people I know who have had summer babies have seemed to be out at the pub and at picnics pretty much straight away. It has also been voiced by a family member that of course I’ll want people around everything weekend and to drive the baby out as I’ll be so bored. The response when I said about trying to BF was if I’m a chilled out mum I’ll have a chilled out baby and I can always give them a bottle.
I wondered what others experience was? Is it very dependant on the temperament of the baby?

12 weeks is absolutely ages to spend in the house. Even with dc1-3, before I had school runs, I was out for a walk everyday. I used to get up, do a few bits of housework then go for a walk before lunch. I was doing school runs when dc4 then 5 came along so was up & out at 8:30 then again at 3pm every day come rain or shine. I'd see how you feel but I think after a couple of weeks of staying in you'll find it's nice to get out at least 2-3 times a week to stop you getting cabin fever.

Everyone will have an opinion on everything! You may as well get used to that!

Do what works for you and the baby. The key is to be flexible and not completely buy in to the picture perfect experience that you have in your head. Reality with a newborn is always different to how we imagined.

It’s fine to cocoon with box sets and it’s fine to join every group going. As long as you’re doing what feels right for you and not what you’ve been convinced you should do.

I was paragliding 30 minutes after my c section,
As everyone else should be

Thing is OP you need to get out and about for your mental health. And it’ll be good for the baby too. A daily walk, once you’re recovered from the birth, is a really good idea, even if just around the block. I’ve had a summer baby, an autumn baby and a winter baby, all breastfed, and I was out with each of them within the week. A walk, a cafe trip, a wander round the shops. Babies like a change of scene as much as we do, it’ll be good for both of you.

You don’t need to be partying at the pub by day 3, but 12 weeks of staying in, seeing no one and not getting dressed? Recipe for PND, misery and acute loneliness right there and chances are the baby will be miserable too. No one should stay in their PJs all day did week. Even new mothers. Daily shower and getting dressed from day 1 will make you feel better. Going out, even for half an hour, once you’re recovered from the birth, will make you feel better. Staying in, never getting dressed, is an absolute guarantee to make you feel like shit. Why do it?

You’ll find your balance, I’m sure, but chances are you will want some company, you will want to go out. You need a healthy balance of chilling and social time, even with a newborn.

See how you feel. I stayed home for about 2 weeks and then went out a bit more for the next 2. After the first month I went out once a day every day for my own sanity.

Everyone is different though so just do what feels natural to you.

@iamtheoneandonlyyy

I was paragliding 30 minutes after my c section, As everyone else should be

You waited 30 minutes? Lightweight.

The first month or so was hard work, lots if sleeping and feeding. By about 4 weeks I was out most days, but i hate being in! The limiting factor for me was c section recovery. I bottle fed my babies though, but bf didn’t seem to stop my antenatal class friends fro going out. We found a very mum/baby friendly cafe, and tended to meet there.

Eldest DC was Dec born - I’m not a particularly social or outdoorsy person, but definitely I needed to get out the house for my own mental health - it can be isolating being a new mum. I also had a baby who fought sleep, and as he got older would only nap in the pram on the move, so I had to schedule long walks around nap time.
I went to a few mums and baby’s group, and just used to walk around the local area, mooch round the shops, walk to the drop in weighing clinic etc. I don’t think we could have stayed indoors for 12 weeks.
I also couldn’t focus on a short tv programme, let alone a box set for the first few months - sleep deprivation and general new mum anxiety caused havoc with my concentration skills!

I got out a lot more with second born, they just have to fit in with the already established routine of your eldest!

I had my first in autumn and I went out quite a bit. Not so much to the pub but on little trips to the shopping centre, baby friendly cafes, that sort of thing. I actually had the best time walking around museums while baby snoozed in the sling. I exclusively breastfed and one of the things I loved about it was precisely how fuss free and, err, portable that was as a method. No need to worry about bottles or hot water, just whack a boob out in a quiet corner and pop baby on. That said, I was lucky to find bf pretty straightforward and I know that‘s not a universal experience. But in that case a bottle is perfectly viable too! One thing is for sure, I wouldn’t have wanted to be at home all the time, box sets or no box sets. I felt it really helped to have a change of scene, to get some gentle exercise, and to give baby a different set of noises and sights when he was awake.
You might be different, though, and that’s fine too. Sometimes I wish i’d spent more time in bed just cuddling him! I’d suggest you keep an open mind and (COVID and your recovery from birth permitting) give a couple of easy outings a try in the first couple of weeks. See how it feels and go from there. And don’t beat yourself up about whatever choices you end up making. There’s no right way of doing this other than loving your baby and keeping him or her fed and clean.

Are you naturally a home body?
Me cuss what you’ve described to me wasn’t my experience and it sounds depressing. Endless days inside watching box sets

My children are spring and summer born.

I loved being out and about every day with out fail.

Depends on the mum and the baby.

I personally found it easier to be out every day. No pubs or people visiting (I had shit all support) but walks, baby groups, mum-and-buggy type exercise groups, coffee. It broke up the day, the baby slept better in the buggy, I got to see other humans.

You can get sleeping bags / star blankets, blankets for the buggy and still go for walks even in really cold weather. You can BF outside - park or cafe - as long as you figure out feeding and have suitable clothes (personally I’m a fan of a BFing bra plus one up one down system with Tshirts). On the other hand, if you’d rather stay at home some or most days, go for it.

Either way YANBU and you should do what makes your life easier.

As soon as you are home (if not badly damaged) you should be getting dressed (showered preferably but feels like a huge task initially!) and taking the baby out for a walk at least once a day. You both need fresh air, exercise and you need a change of scenery. Sitting around in PJs doesn't help anybody. Get a nice routine going.
You'll feel in a daze/shocked, so don't expect to achieve much, but a trip to the post office or taking the baby to meet someone for a cup of tea - achieving one thing each day feels pretty good.
With the feeding, get those tops designed with special gaps so you can look nice but easily feed the baby wherever you are. Bottle feeding isn't more convenient at all - unless they meant that someone else could feed the baby, which is obviously true. Get a pump and some bottles if you think you might want to leave the baby for a couple of hours. The baby being able to feed from a bottle is a useful back up.
Don't plan for huge parties at weekends. With the first baby it's all about doing things nice and gently. The second baby has more of a rollercoaster ride!

I was out and about within a week with both of mine (both during covid too). Everyone is different and they can be tying but only if you let them, but if you make the effort to get out and about it's so worth it!

My first three were winter born babies, and I took them out everyday, right from the first week.

An advantage of breastfeeding is that your boobs are always with you, so you can go out quite spontaneously.

Why do you think you need to stay in for 12 weeks? Even in the old days, the lying in period was 10 days.

Depends on you and your baby.

I hated being stuck inside, had an awful post c section infection and couldn't physically leave the house for a week. As soon as I could, I walked to the end of the road and back. I was out every day after that. The infection didn't heal and I ended up with a machine attached to me for 2 weeks but still went out every day!

However I know people who stayed home for 6 weeks without any problems.

Depends if you get “out and about” normally? You don’t morph into someone else. It’s just the same you with a baby.

I was at toddler groups with 2nd from wk2. With first, coffee shops, shopping malls, museims, galleries, visiting.f&f.

Babies are better for your mental.health when out and about.

Can I just say that with my first she was born at the beginning of the hottest summer we had (a few years ago) and so I couldn’t take her out because it was far too hot to risk at such a new age. I wanted tk and had planned to go to baby groups. However, because I stayed in I lost confidence in taking her out at all. I didn’t foresee that happening but it did. We ended up staying in a lot and by the time I built up the confidence to take her places it Covid hit.

My poor child has spent so much time in doors and now having started nursery she xan finally interact with others.

I’ll admit in the early days it just about survival but do try to go out at least 1-2 times a week, sven to families houses. Don’t lose your confidence in going out because you’ve stayed in too long.

Also, you can’t actually plan what you are going to do anyway with a new baby; you never know what kind of baby they will be - they may not even sleep a lot!

My first was early October, we had a bad winter that year and it was at least 6 weeks before I took him out on my own. I had post birth complications so I just literally wasn't physically well enough to do so before then. We did take him to my parents house and stayed overnight with him at about 3 weeks (getting all meals and washing done for us on a weekend was great) and went for little walks. With the second we were up and about much quicker but he was a spring baby and I was fine.
Your plan sounds fine to me but I do think it's a good idea to go for little walks when you're ready as it gets your confidence up for taking the baby out. I breastfed both of mine and again it's good to get used to feeding in public. Plus a newborn is a lot more portable than an older baby who needs entertaining! Newborns feed sleep and cuddle!

OP do what feels right for you. Mother of a 5 month old baby here and first child.

I was in hospital for a few days and then partner on paternity leave for a further two weeks and in that time we only got out for a few walks. I did want to walk to help recovery.

I would say if I were you, you should try and get out and about within those 3 months as if will not help your mental health to stay in. I've suffered from PND and anxiety, and the best things I am now doing are getting out and about to combat the anxiety building. Just bear that in mind.

Also, if you don't want visitors straight away, don't feel inclined to. I've had friends that have babies and have said - oh sorry we're exhausted today, we've taken on too much - and they've cancelled on the day. That is absolutely fine. You're a new mum, do what is best for you.

Mine is Autumn born. I stayed in a lot, but I had PND and was not in a good place for a very long time.

Totally depends on the baby. I had a summer baby (last year, when lockdown had eased) and yet I barely went anywhere. I had a tear in my urinary tract which was pretty painful so I couldn't walk too far without irritating it. On top of that, my son had awful colic episodes for horus in which nothing could soothe him, I preferred to be at home for that. My husband was home for 2 months which was great. Despite the colic and tear, we spent a lot of time chilling at home, watching TV, we went for short walks with baby in the sling (I'd recommend a sling, they are great to get out and about!), we enjoyed getting to know our son and adjusting to life, ate lots of biscuits!

I started to dread days at home with nothing to do after DH was back at work and my visitors had left (mum and auntie had come but live abroad - due to covid, i haven't seen anyone since) so I started forcing myself to go out to baby classes. It was great getting out and having something to do, made the colic episodes more bearable!

So bottom line, do what works for you. Whether that is to stay home in your jammies or to get out, or a mix. Just do whatever works and don't feel pressured by anyone telling you what to do.

I was out every day multiple times a day with my first winter born baby. We have a dog so was out at least once a day walking the dog. Other times I'd go out for coffee with NCT friends etc.

Second winter born baby I didn't have a choice as I was also trying to entertain a toddler all day everyday so we were out to playgroups, the playground etc. Just wrap the kids up nice and warm!

Jemisphere do what works for you.

Peoplealways jump on threads like these to say that they were out doing the school run whilst delivering the placenta, or left the baby with grandparents and went back to the office before checking whether it was a boy or a girl, or were so bored by their newborns that they catered for 20 extended family members by cooking a three course all the trimmings Christmas dinner when their twins were six hours old, etc etc.

The truth is obviously that everyone feels different, some people have a significant physical recovery to deal with regardless of having a newborn, some newborns sleep all the time but others most certainly do not and need to be held by a parent 24/7, some people are content in their own company and that of their partner and baby and not remotely bored, others need constant social contact, most are somewhere between the two poles.

A lot of the time when people tell you to be "chilled out" they actually mean you should do what they want you to do (host visitors, drive around the place bringing your baby to them, use bittles so they can "play" at feeding the baby, hand the baby around for the amusement of extended family/ acquaintances not actually for your or the baby's benefit) and not what you actually want to do.

New mothers are actually very often emotionally blackmailed into putting everyone else's wishes first using the taunt of being PFB, a mummy-martyr or insufficiently "chilled" - in fact it can be the most self reliant, relaxed, self assured thing to do to acknowledge that you genuinely want to stay home and watch box-sets with your baby and partner, and that whilst you will let people visit and go to visit people when you feel ready, you're not actually bored and will be doing that because others want you to, not because you're unhappy chilling out peacefully.

I stayed home for about 8 weeks as I had PND and was doing everything alone. It nearly destroyed me. The minute I realised I could put her in a sling and walk to the coffee shop was a bit of a breakthrough moment.