to think I’ll spend most of my time with a newborn at home?

[Jemisphere]

I wondered how much people tended to get out and out with their baby before the 12 week point?

Context is I’m due a baby in December. Especially given covid and weather I think I’ll be spending most of January and February at home in my pyjamas trying to figure out how to care for a new born and watching box sets.
I didn’t think we would be making many plans as I’m planning to EBF, I figured they would spend a lot of time feeding at irregular times, and given I’m good at napping thought I would literally try and sleep when baby does.
I do see from social media that some people I know who have had summer babies have seemed to be out at the pub and at picnics pretty much straight away. It has also been voiced by a family member that of course I’ll want people around everything weekend and to drive the baby out as I’ll be so bored. The response when I said about trying to BF was if I’m a chilled out mum I’ll have a chilled out baby and I can always give them a bottle.
I wondered what others experience was? Is it very dependant on the temperament of the baby?

I marvelled at people who could get downstairs before lunchtime with a new baby when I had my first! I would feed her, nap, feed, nap, nappy change, clothes change, then all of a sudden it was 2 in the afternoon. And I really loved it. I sometimes went for a bit of a walk but some days stayed in all day watching the newly introduced TiVo box. Lovely.

Dh was off for two weeks and then back to work so at that point I started with small trips out with my ante natal yoga group or just round to each other’s houses or going to bf group. In those early weeks getting out but in a context where everyone’s in the same boat with newborns was amazing. That’s why I’d strongly advise meeting other pregnant women while pregnant whether that’s at pregnancy yoga, aquanatal, birth classes whatever.

My baby would have been a bit older before I was relaxed socialising in mixed non-baby oriented company. Maybe 10-12 weeks. But I’d have gone mad if I’d mostly stayed home before that.

You'll need a walk everyday after the first couple of weeks, even a boring short one near where you live.
But otherwise it depends on how well you recover after the birth and how "easy" your baby is.
With my first I had a baby that was a nightmare to feed and pain for a couple of months after an EMCS, I could get to the shops but that was a big drama.

• iamtheoneandonlyyy I was paragliding 30 minutes after my c section, As everyone else should be Yep this thread is really giving off those vibes*

No it really isn’t, a trip round Tesco’s with a newborn or dropping your eldest at school is hardly excessive- we’re just pointing out that the OP won’t need to sit on a Lilly pad for 3 months.

I had a December born baby and he loved sleeping in his pram in the cold air, he still hates hot weather to this day.

I had an October baby and was out and about with him a couple of days after birth. Lots of legal things like registering baby with GP, sorting birth certificate, grocery shopping etc. I used a sling in the very early days. He wasn’t an easy baby but I had a good NCT group who encouraged me out for meet ups, baby massage, baby sensory, trips to coffee shops etc.

I think being at home all winter would get lonely.

I got used to baby crying in public and bf in public, people are more tolerant than you think when it’s a small baby.

OP - you do you. And there's no need to subscribe to a regime - if you want to take her on a 5 mile hike one day and binge-watch HUTH the next, that's fine too. I personally was out from Day 2 because that's me - I felt claustrophobic being at home and wanted to be out getting a coffee or doing a shop. Likewise for groups etc. But not everyone is like that and at age 4 (where my DD is now) I promise you can't tell the difference among the kids. I would say that a bit of fresh air will help them sleep from 10+ weeks once they tend to be a bit more alert, but again you can have a go and develop a routine that works for you.

Depends on the baby and you. I chiiled out with my first. Don't rush getting out if you don't want to. My only piece of advice is to knock the plans of the family member who wants to be around every night holding the baby right on the head! Last thing you need is having to entertain. A very firm no to this is required.

Do exactly what you want is my top tip.
With dd3, I spent a glorious year just pootling around. Watched loadsa judge Judy.

I was out and about pretty early on, nothing too strenuous just walks with baby in the pram and the shops if we needed anything etc. But as you said I had a July baby so maybe the weather made it easier, I'm not too sure as I haven't had a winter baby

I'd say just take it a day at a time, if you want to stay in and watch TV in your pj's then do it, if but if you want to go out and do something then do that. I wouldn't unilaterally decide you're staying in for the first 12 weeks at this point, as you don't know how you'll feel until baby arrives

Staying at home because you want to breastfeed sounds more uptight than chilled out to me. The beauty of babies that small are that they are portable and you can go about your life - going for coffee, going for walks, shopping etc. You’ll probably also find the baby sleeps better in a pram than sat on the couch. It takes a bit of practice but breastfeeding in public is pretty easy as long as you’ve got the right clothes on (well I like to do it subtly but you are of course entitled to whack your whole boob out if you like) and have somewhere to sit (if I’m not sure there will be I just stick a picnic blanket in the bottom of the pram so I can sit on the floor. IME the sooner you get out and about and practice this the better.

I also had to take him with me to all the post partum physio appointments, on buses and also for walks to help him sleep. They need fresh air even in winter.

I had a November baby and a December baby. I went out every day with both. I met friends in their homes, went shopping, and had lovely long wintry walks. I would have gone mad cooped up at home for weeks and the fresh air was great for the DC. They always slept well out in there prams.

With DC1 I did groups and what I thought I should. With DC2 I obviously had to go out due to DC1 but did not join any groups and just enjoyed our time together. No need to plan now, see how you feel.

I was out and about loads with my newborn (gently at first after csection)
We had antenatal meet ups, baby classes, visiting friends.
It made me feel sane after a shit nights sleep to chuck some clothes on, have a walk (even to the shop for fresh bread for lunch!) or to pop round to another new mums house to drink coffee and have a moan.
Of course I had some days when I watched (interrupted) box sets and sat in pjs. But I couldn’t have stayed in all day, everyday.

I had a winter baby and got loads of pressure from well meaning friends and family (mostly family) about getting out being so important for my mental health. It created enormous anxiety in me and I did a lot of things I wasn’t ready to do. I’m not someone who goes mad with boredom or loneliness at home. I’m a quiet, introverted person with low energy levels and I love box sets and books and podcasts. I do like to take a walk, wrap up and sit in the garden and get fresh air every day but I look back on that precious newborn time and regret that I allowed people to push me out to cafes and days out when I found it stressful. My mum is a huge advocate of being busy all the time but I’m the opposite. She thought she was protecting me against PND but honestly, I still look back and feel a flutter of fear when I remember hauling my pram around on buses and taking my tiny precious baby around everywhere when I didn’t want to do it at all.

I also found the demands of cluster feeding etc very unpredictable and I was just happiest at home relaxing with my baby. People are different and you aren’t wrong if that’s how you feel.

Entirely your choice, however there is no reason to sit at home for 3 months. I went out every day even just for 1 hour walk in any weather even in the first week. It is not good for your mental health to be locked at home

*Jemisphere do what works for you.

Peoplealways jump on threads like these to say that they were out doing the school run whilst delivering the placenta, or left the baby with grandparents and went back to the office before checking whether it was a boy or a girl, or were so bored by their newborns that they catered for 20 extended family members by cooking a three course all the trimmings Christmas dinner when their twins were six hours old, etc etc.

The truth is obviously that everyone feels different, some people have a significant physical recovery to deal with regardless of having a newborn, some newborns sleep all the time but others most certainly do not and need to be held by a parent 24/7, some people are content in their own company and that of their partner and baby and not remotely bored, others need constant social contact, most are somewhere between the two poles.

A lot of the time when people tell you to be "chilled out" they actually mean you should do what they want you to do (host visitors, drive around the place bringing your baby to them, use bittles so they can "play" at feeding the baby, hand the baby around for the amusement of extended family/ acquaintances not actually for your or the baby's benefit) and not what you actually want to do.

New mothers are actually very often emotionally blackmailed into putting everyone else's wishes first using the taunt of being PFB, a mummy-martyr or insufficiently "chilled" - in fact it can be the most self reliant, relaxed, self assured thing to do to acknowledge that you genuinely want to stay home and watch box-sets with your baby and partner, and that whilst you will let people visit and go to visit people when you feel ready, you're not actually bored and will be doing that because others want you to, not because you're unhappy chilling out peacefully*

I couldn't agree with this more. Op it's your life, your baby and you can pretty much do as you please.

It completely depends on how physically fit and emotionally fit you feel. I was a mess I really was after an EMCS and terrible lead up to labour. I think though after a month I wanted to go for a short walk, rather than just around the garden. I then did a weekly baby group from 8 weeks, started meeting other people mums for coffee at 10 weeks, 2 classes from three months, 3 classes from 4 months etc not particularly planned it like that I've just got more active as and when I felt ready. I now want to leave the house every day, DD is almost 5 months.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Jemisphere do what works for you.

Peoplealways jump on threads like these to say that they were out doing the school run whilst delivering the placenta, or left the baby with grandparents and went back to the office before checking whether it was a boy or a girl, or were so bored by their newborns that they catered for 20 extended family members by cooking a three course all the trimmings Christmas dinner when their twins were six hours old, etc etc.

The truth is obviously that everyone feels different, some people have a significant physical recovery to deal with regardless of having a newborn, some newborns sleep all the time but others most certainly do not and need to be held by a parent 24/7, some people are content in their own company and that of their partner and baby and not remotely bored, others need constant social contact, most are somewhere between the two poles.

A lot of the time when people tell you to be "chilled out" they actually mean you should do what they want you to do (host visitors, drive around the place bringing your baby to them, use bittles so they can "play" at feeding the baby, hand the baby around for the amusement of extended family/ acquaintances not actually for your or the baby's benefit) and not what you actually want to do.

New mothers are actually very often emotionally blackmailed into putting everyone else's wishes first using the taunt of being PFB, a mummy-martyr or insufficiently "chilled" - in fact it can be the most self reliant, relaxed, self assured thing to do to acknowledge that you genuinely want to stay home and watch box-sets with your baby and partner, and that whilst you will let people visit and go to visit people when you feel ready, you're not actually bored and will be doing that because others want you to, not because you're unhappy chilling out peacefully.

This is so true! I wish I'd been more 'protectionist' of our little family unit with our first because the people who expected to be accommodated in such a way just carried on being a bloody nightmare as she got older and haven't responded very well to when we finally had the confidence to push back.

I wish I'd managed expectations earlier on but in the fog of newborn life and all the "you shoulds" we got a bit swept up in it. Try to do what you think is going to work for you. If you find it isn't working, tweak it.
Also agree with what PP said about everyone will have an opinion- that's true (I do form opinions as well, it's human nature), just try to stick to people that have the manners to keep those opinions to themselves until they are asked for them!

I did this with mine - lots of box sets and napping. Feed, cuddle, nap. It was March so not even that cold. I gave myself proper time to heal and get my head in a good place. It will really depend on how you feel after and how you respond to losing sleep. I have a lovely bond with that child (now 4!) and some of that I think was down to our chilled start...

I would do whatever feels right to you. Until you’ve had your baby I think it’s very difficult to know what you’ll do once they’re born as you don’t know how you’re going to feel then. You might well end up being in most of the time as you thought you might or you might find you really want/need to get out more. Everyone is different so take it day by day.

And it doesn't depends on how sleep deprived you'll be and how you cope. I'm a great napper but not with a baby who is won't be put down and only sleeps in my arms. That was probably the major thing stopping me from wanting to do much in the early days as I wash knackered.

It does not doesn't

I have a December baby and we were cooped up for the first 12 weeks because of lockdown. We still made sure we got out for a walk every day but not much was open.

Chilly but fond memories of a particular bench I would breastfeed on.

If it were this December rather than last, I’d have appreciated going to a cafe & being able to keep warm.