to think I’ll spend most of my time with a newborn at home?

[Jemisphere]

I wondered how much people tended to get out and out with their baby before the 12 week point?

Context is I’m due a baby in December. Especially given covid and weather I think I’ll be spending most of January and February at home in my pyjamas trying to figure out how to care for a new born and watching box sets.
I didn’t think we would be making many plans as I’m planning to EBF, I figured they would spend a lot of time feeding at irregular times, and given I’m good at napping thought I would literally try and sleep when baby does.
I do see from social media that some people I know who have had summer babies have seemed to be out at the pub and at picnics pretty much straight away. It has also been voiced by a family member that of course I’ll want people around everything weekend and to drive the baby out as I’ll be so bored. The response when I said about trying to BF was if I’m a chilled out mum I’ll have a chilled out baby and I can always give them a bottle.
I wondered what others experience was? Is it very dependant on the temperament of the baby?

It depends. I found it hard going and very lonely staying in. The winter weather just made it bleaker. I was doing the food shop within a week of having my DC and doing classes and visiting our local children's centre by the time my DC was a month old. But I suspect I may have had undiagnosed PND looking back and my DH was working very long hours at work so I needed the human company and reassurance to stay sane. Also my DC only slept in his pram in the early days. Your experience may be different... just plan to do what works for you.

Do whatever suits you. I loved getting out and about. I'd had preeclampsia and a difficult recovery so I was delighted to get back to normal. Also I was thrilled to be out rolling my new pram 😀😀😀. Mine was a premature baby born in late november. Fresh air and a walk will make you feel so much better and no reason why you can't wrap baby up and go out. Equally it's a lovely time to sit on your backside eating chocolate

I am very much a homely person, and envisaged staying home for around 2 weeks, resting, healing, breastfeeding and eating junk. I had a c section and a week later, I was desperate to get out and we started to go for short walks, to start building up my strength.

If YOU want to stay at home for 3 months, then you do that. You’re the one who has done all the hard work and will go through the biggest changes, so do whatever you need to. But be careful staying stuck at home for 3 months doesn’t lead to depression.

But you can breastfeed outside, you don’t need to be stuck at home for that. And unless you’re planning to sleep all the time, you can be outside with a sleeping a baby. We went out to restaurants and cafes, and DS slept in his pram, would wake up for a feed, be held for a bit and go back down again. If you’re worried about being outside in the cold, you can always go to shopping centres.

I didn't go out much for a couple of months after giving birth, I didn't want to, nothing to do with weather. It was cosy indoors, private, and I could just get on with what I wanted and slept at odd times with my baby during the day. If I had to go out I would, at the time I lived literally round the corner to essential shops, but was always glad to get back indoors.

EBF is tough going
EBF can be tough going not is. Yes it can be but can not be too. There are thousands of different experiences of EBF and the insistence that it is definitely is a nightmare early on is as unhelpful as the one that says it's all sweetness and light.

@PooWillyNameChange

Also 'chilled out mums have chilled out babies is largely bollocks'. I've had one of each and I know friends that have too. You get what you get, especially at that age

Agree with this.

I know some very chilled mothers who had very demanding babies.

OP, the most important thing IMO is not to put pressure on yourself.

Entertaining people every weekend would not be me.
I was tired so looking after others was not on my radar at all.

EBF can entail a lot of sitting around under a baby so the box sets will be handy.

Getting out for a bit of fresh air is great.
Meeting a friend for a walk or someone calling for a coffee.

Don't be put under pressure by ANYONE.

I stays home the first week, to get over the birth and get to grips with feeding the baby, sleeping and showering! Then I started getting into a routine of getting up/feeding/going for walk/going to bed. I went out every day for an hour's walk every day, it made me feel alot better.

@Marikali

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I believe there were studies done during the pandemic to show that more mothers were successfully breastfeeding their newborns. They attributed that to the uninterrupted bonding that enforced lockdown provided. In many cultures they have babymoons where the mum and baby/ family are left alone and are provided witheveything they need (how nice!). Whenever I had mastitis the root cause was normally that I was trying to do too many things and as a result not able to listen to cues etc of my babies. I think your instinct is spot on. Different people mother in different ways and it seems to me go be an excellent idea to hibernate a bit in those first months. If you go stir crazy there is nothing to stop you going for a walk. Congratulations!

Wow this is so interesting! If anyone has a link to these studies I'd love to have a look, I'll have a look on google too.

I completely agree that you just have to do what's right for you. Check in with yourself regularly and listen to yourself. Going out is helpful for lots of people's mental health, but that doesn't mean it will be helpful for yours. We're all different!

I'm pregnant right now and essentially isolating due to covid until the baby is here. I have absolutely no idea if after the baby is here whether I will want to get out as much as possible to make up for the time at home, or whether I will have gotten used to being a hermit 🤣 I do go for walks with my husband every day so I'm sure that will continue. But I doubt you'll get me down the pub anytime soon.

Hopefully you have a good support system who will want to support whatever is best for you. If any of my family start telling me what I should do to best suit them and their desire to fuss over my new baby, they'll soon be told where to get off 🤣

@Jemisphere ignore all the competitive posters saying that they were out doing hikes 6hrs post-partum. The most important thing is that you do exactly what feels right to you, and if that's staying at home for 12 weeks then all power to you. I think it's really unhelpful to feel pressure to go out and about if you can't face it, just take things at your own pace. You will probably find that after you've found your feet you will want to get outdoors for a walk or to meet other mums at baby groups, but it's totally up to you. There were some days when I had to cancel plans because it was just too hard - baby had multiple poonamis, was grouchy and I was dead on my feet, so in the end we both lay in bed and dozed together for the afternoon - I'm so pleased i gave myself permission to do that.
Also don't be pressured to be separated from baby or to give baby a bottle if that's not what you want. Go with your instincts and stand up for yourself if anyone tries to persuade you otherwise.

My dd was born in December. We went out straight away for walks to the local cafe.
Dd was wrapped up and out in the garden where she slept for hours in her pram at a couple of days old. Both my dd's we're outside in their prams in the garden straight away.

Depends on the mum and the baby, really.

I had a December baby just before Covid happened, and spent the first couple of weeks (until Christmas) cocooned at home. But when DH went back to work I wanted to get out or have someone round every day, or I just felt it got monotonous. I went to baby massage class and a breastfeeding support group, used to meet up with friends either on mat leave or who had days off work, and some days I just took the sleeping baby to a cafe in a pram where I could read/BF when he woke up. I also used to take him on long pram walks when the weather was OK, and he'd nap and I'd listen to podcasts.

However I wouldn't have wanted someone else to take the baby in the first 12 weeks for more than an hour or so. I just took him everywhere I went.

It's totally up to you, but sounds a bit like your relative is undermining how you want to parent and also how you want to feed your baby ("just give them a bottle") - which is a bit out of order I think.

Op, it’s your body and your baby. If you don’t want to go out and feel comfortable and happy at home, then stay in.

The pressure I felt to get out pushed me over the edge.
My child was incredibly fussy, screamed herself purple in her pram and just would not be put down.
I’m so glad I stayed inside and made everything less stressful for myself in the long run.

It does get easier and it does feel good to get out when you feel more comfortable, but honestly op. No pressure.

Why would you need to give the baby a bottle to go out? It's far easier to breastfeed out and about than bottle feed, the milk is right there ready to go whenever you need breastfeeding! I think you might be overthinking things at this point, your best bet would be to see how you feel at the time. I have 3 children, the first 2 a January baby and a June baby I felt completely fine as soon as I was out of hospital. The January baby I obviously couldn't do the same things as the summer one due to weather but I did still get out lots. I exclusively breastfed all my children. The third one was a March baby (this year) and I ended up with a terrible birth where I couldn't walk further than a 100 yards for around 2 months. I was very unwell. I couldn't really go out but it wasn't out of choice, I physically couldn't walk! I got serious cabin fever and would not recommend sitting in the house for 3 months, madness will set in!

See how you feel, if you want to go out/see people then do equally if you'd rather be left to it just say. Don't be told what you should or shouldn't be doing, it's your choice, hope it all goes well 😊

Interesting point OP, I did notice that with my spring babies we were up and out almost immediately. Bright sunny warm days just made it easier and more pleasant to get out. Less dressing of babies etc. Also EBF and I would find a quiet place in a cafe or somewhere where the owner would let me do it. My winter babies were a different story…going out was more of a chore and it was appealing to stay warm and cosy at home.

Sounds like you are in a good mind space. Take it as it comes, if you are bored you can do things!

i would have been driven mad staying inside for 12 weeks with mine, straight away i would be getting into baby groups and making friends with people who had babies the same age, Meeting up etc i would be looking for a group/meetup at least 2 or 3 times a week

Don't make any plans, prepare for both going out and staying in. Then go with whatever you need at the time.
I recall a difficult first few months with my eldest but more down to the birth and lack of sleep than the baby not being chilled. He slept for Britain.

There are no rules or expectations for your first baby. It's a bit different for your fourth with school runs!

Enjoy the journey, it's very special with your first. If you want to spend the day gazing at your sleeping baby you can!

Just do whatever you want to do at the time and try not to plan too much. Dd is almost 3 mo and I spend alot of time during the week at home but like to do things at weekends as I'm bored of staring at the same walls but she is my second. I just feed out and about or in the car.

I went out and about but overdid it tbh. Do whatever suits you!

Nope I would fear you'd go a bit bonkers if you didn't get out for a bit every day. Mine were out for a push in the pram as soon as we came home from hospital. Both summer babies yes, but I had dogs who needed walking and despite them both being EMCS births, I just had to get on with things as best I could. Rain covers on prams/pushchairs are great for keeping out the elements.

Think of the lockdowns where people were actively encouraged to spend some time outside every day for their mental health as much as anything else.

You need to get you and baby out for fresh air,stimulation,change of scenery
Go to local park,coffee shops and join baby groups to have some activities and met other parents.
Things like the park or a stroll with buggy become a simple and reassuring activity you go at your own pace and see it all with a different lens. How you view and interact with your locality changes as a parent you see and experience it differently

Congratulations on baby btw

@Moonwatcher1234 what do you mean "EBF and I would find a quiet place in a cafe or somewhere where the owner would let me do it." Please do not lead the poster to think you have to ask permission to feed your baby!!! I'm on baby 3 ebf, I've spent the past 5 1/2 years (with a bit of time off between babies) feeding and never have I asked the owner of a cafe or anywhere I happen to be if I can feed my baby!!! Your baby needs feeding, you feed them. You don't need to seek approval from others around you like you are doing something wrong.

YANBU. It took ages for us to be out much, and when we did it was generally for much less long than it might otherwise have been because like you say, feedings, nappy changes and naps made things a bit difficult. Plus, contrary to the flippant first comments here, I was not up and about after my CSection, there were complications and I wasn't back to normal for some time.

I had my baby during lockdown so our opportunities to leave the house were quite limited. I did find having a little baby much easier than my now toddler when it comes to leaving the house.

When lockdown lifted we joined baby groups straight away. We started swimming lessons, sing and sign and a music class at ten weeks.

It really depends.

With my first I was out and about a lot because a) my recovery was much quicker and b) my baby was eldest was a miserable baby and seemed less miserable outside than inside.

With my youngest however a) I didn’t recover as quickly and it took me a while to feel up to getting out there b) my youngest was a much more contented baby who was quite happy to just lay anywhere both asleep and awake.