to think I’ll spend most of my time with a newborn at home?

[Jemisphere]

I wondered how much people tended to get out and out with their baby before the 12 week point?

Context is I’m due a baby in December. Especially given covid and weather I think I’ll be spending most of January and February at home in my pyjamas trying to figure out how to care for a new born and watching box sets.
I didn’t think we would be making many plans as I’m planning to EBF, I figured they would spend a lot of time feeding at irregular times, and given I’m good at napping thought I would literally try and sleep when baby does.
I do see from social media that some people I know who have had summer babies have seemed to be out at the pub and at picnics pretty much straight away. It has also been voiced by a family member that of course I’ll want people around everything weekend and to drive the baby out as I’ll be so bored. The response when I said about trying to BF was if I’m a chilled out mum I’ll have a chilled out baby and I can always give them a bottle.
I wondered what others experience was? Is it very dependant on the temperament of the baby?

I was out most days. It would totally depress me staying at home all the time.

Non covid times but went out for a walk about 3 days after having DS and took him to a restaurant when he was 5 days old. He was also a December baby.

You will go mad in the house for 12 weeks. Can understand you not wanting to socialise much with baby or thinking you won’t. But a brisk walk in the fresh is fab for mum and baby as soon as you feel up to it.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

It’s not people “jumping” on threads
They are directly responding to the OP’s question about the early days

Don’t overthink it. With your first baby you have the luxury to do things at your own pace. I didn’t stay in the house at all but was out for a walk most days. I rarely slept when the baby did as that was the time to get the housework and other household admin etc done. My mum came most days to help early on as I’d had a difficult birth though. I EBF all my babies. You don’t have to stay home for that. There’s no reason to give a bottle unless you want to.

I managed a week at home, this was in January after an emergency section. Of course I couldn't drive but I was itching to go out. Dh and I went out for meals, supermarket, visited family etc.

I was pretty much how you described. I just like being home and cuddling my baby and feeding. I did like setting visitors and showing my baby off though. You do what you feel like doing at the time. 12 weeks sounds like a long time but it flies!

My babies both seemed to be bored at home and screamed a lot. Out all the time which was exhausting

I've got a March born and a September born and both times was out and about straightaway, all over the place, would've been bored stiff stuck in for months! With my second I was back at work pretty quickly with her in a sling, and both were ebf (second never ever took a bottle!)

I think the main thing is go with the flow. Having a loose routine and structure will help you but don't have too many fixed ideas. You might just get one of those days where venturing out just doesn't work so you try again tomorrow.

Depends on your personality and your baby OP. None of mine have slept so I slept when they did so that I didn't go mad from sleep deprivation. My youngest is nearly 2 now and he still doesn't sleep well at night so I still nap with him in the day. If I didn't I would be an absolute write off. I'm also pretty anti-social and like to occupy myself. I hated baby groups with a passion so didn't bother with them, especially after my refluxy first spent an entire 4 week course of baby massage screaming her head off or feeding during class. Pointless. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 I also didn't want hoardes of people descending on me either, we were in hospital with my first for two weeks and the sheer volume of visitors drove me crazy. Never got a moment's peace and they all expected to be constantly holding her when she either needed feeding, I needed to express or she needed to be under the phototherapy lights. When we finally got home I didn't have visitors for 4 weeks. I went around to close families houses but for short periods and then I'd bugger off back home again.

So basically do what suits you and your baby. If you want to be out and about immediately then go for it. If you don't that's perfectly acceptable too. Just make sure people know your wishes and update them if they change. Best two things in the world for establishing breastfeeding- learning how to feed in a sling (find out if there's a sling library near you) and how to feed lying down. Both actual lifesavers. Read up on the fourth trimester and best of luck. X

I had a December baby, few days after Christmas. We were in hospital for 5 days, but nope once we were home we were out and about. I personally couldn't have coped sitting in my pyjamas watching TV all day. I can't do that now, unless I'm really ill, which is rare. However I don't think YABU if you want to chill out and get to grips with your new baby. Don't assume you won't be able to get out and about. We have some lovely sunny days in January. Just wrap the baby up warm.

You might well feel like going out, but just don’t do what I did when dd1 was about 10 days old - left her in her pram in Boots, having completely forgotten that I had her….😱

Luckily I was meeting my DM very soon afterwards so her appalled, ‘Where’s the baby??’ sent me scooting back in a panic, no harm done.

It was early March BTW, it snowed on the way home. Dd slept peacefully through it all.

It depends on both you and the baby, every situation is different and you can't really plan ahead. Personally I tended to go out for a walk most days just for a change of scene.

Do what works for you. It is a lot of hassle dressing a newborn baby for going outside in winter.

With my first I had a home birth and didn't leave the house for two weeks as I firmly established breastfeeding. People did come to me though. Once I was confident with bf I was out every morning throughout maternity leave, at various different baby classes and coffee mornings and then, from 3 months, baby swimming lessons.

Breastfeeding can be tricky at first. I only know personally one woman who found it easy straight away. I felt a lot more comfortable having a totally exposed boob at home, sometimes both , while i got good at establishing latch and having a milk drip catcher on the other so not to waste a drop, than I would have in a café!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with largely staying home for weeks on end with a newborn baby if that’s what you want and works for you and your baby. After my first (EMCS) I didn’t get dressed most days, I sat in my bed or in my armchair and watched boxsets while breastfeeding, I napped when she napped, I just looked at her and talked to her. We went out for a walk if we fancied but didn’t put pressure on ourselves. I wasn’t lonely or climbing the walls as I quite enjoy my own company and enjoyed hers. She was a brilliant baby and a great sleeper, totally chill. She’s now an amazing little 4.5 year old who has always slept like a dream and loves to potter about the house with me but equally loves to go out adventuring in the woods in the rain, she’s very easily pleased. I would do it all again, I don’t regret that time. It’s very different the second time around as you absolutely do not have that option!

You do what suits you when the baby is here.

If ever there was a time to be fucking assertive about what YOU need it is when you are immediately post-partum. There is no unreasonable or selfish for those 3 months IMO.

I have a question for the elcs mums, I am due my baby in Jan and have requested elcs. I have had 2 vaginal deliveries before resulting in bad birth injuries which require eventual surgical repair. I know a c-sec is major surgery, for those of you who were out walking soon after surgery how far did you walk? My living son's school is 1 mile away so would 4 miles per day be too much during the recovery period? Also how soon were you able to drive again?

To the op with my son I took him out for short walks around 1-1.5 miles every day from a few days old but didnt go to any baby groups/activities until after he had his 1st vaccinations. We just went to the free ones run by health visitors, baby massage and baby yoga. We took him to baby swimming and a baby music group around 4 months old. He was born right at the end of August so the weather was just turning autumnal shortly after he was born. I'm not sure how we will do things with our baby due in January, covid makes me less keen to go to any groups, I guess it depends on whether there are any more lockdowns and how rife it is this winter. I don't think there is anything wrong with mostly staying home and bonding with your baby in the early weeks if that's what you want, especially if it's cold, wet and miserable outside.

New mothers are actually very often emotionally blackmailed into putting everyone else's wishes first using the taunt of being PFB, a mummy-martyr or insufficiently "chilled" - in fact it can be the most self reliant, relaxed, self assured thing to do to acknowledge that you genuinely want to stay home and watch box-sets with your baby and partner, and that whilst you will let people visit and go to visit people when you feel ready, you're not actually bored and will be doing that because others want you to, not because you're unhappy chilling out peacefully

Absolutely this!

Honestly I think just wait and see how you feel, either is fine! I had a long and difficult labour, an EMCS and baby and I both had sepsis, we were in hospital for a while and it took me about 10 days of being home to even feel well enough for a walk. But once we’d done that I felt immediately better.

I had a lockdown baby so didn’t have the option of visitors. A group did start when my baby was about 6 weeks old and ran under the ‘support group’ exemption and I was ready to go to that and really enjoyed it. I’d also meet a friend or my sister for walks with the pram.

I’m very much in favour of sitting on your bum in front of Netflix whenever you can. I struggled with feeding and had a baby who would only contact nap so sleeping when baby slept was never really an option so there was LOADS of time for sitting, and in a weird way I do miss it, but I was also ready to get out and about a bit well before 12 weeks. Just wait and see what suits you and baby at the time xx

You won't know how you will feel until it happens.
EBF is great as you can be out and about very easity withoour faffing around with bottles.
I am not sure what the "12 week point" is- never heard of that.
I was out and about within a few days after the birth of my first baby, when I had my second I did a big tesco shop the next day, drove there on my own, with a two year old and a baby, 24 hours after delivering my infant.

@iamtheoneandonlyyy

I was paragliding 30 minutes after my c section, As everyone else should be

Yep this thread is really giving off those vibes.

I'm coming to the end of my second maternity leave and have honestly watched no day time TV and no box sets (although have sat on MN when breastfeeding). Both babies exclusively breastfed til 6 months and I continued breastfeeding as they weaned. Even in lockdown I was out for a substantial walk with a friend every day (as that was all that was allowed) and later meeting at cafes / friend's houses. I can imagine nothing worse than staying in, but it's just down to personality. Once breastfeeding is established, it's much easier to breastfeed a 8 week old baby in public than a wriggling, distracted 7 months old. 12 weeks is a long time, after about 6 you'll probably be very confident with your baby and not be able to imagine life without them - you won't still be in the establishing life with a baby stage.

I'm surprised you think that's what you'd have to do.

Of course if that's what you want to do then it's fine but I would think it would be quite difficult.

EBF babes are actually very portable. Your breasts come everywhere with you so so does dinner! You can still feed on demand - but that does require you to be comfortable with feeding whilst not at home and some people aren't comfortable with this.

It's great to go for walks. Meet others for coffee. Go to the supermarket. Maybe some baby classes or library sessions which provide contacts with other parents.

When my ds was 6 weeks old we flew back to the UK to visit family and he went miles around the country!

It very much depends on you and your baby. There's no right or wrong thing to do, just do whatever works for you.

My son was really ill when he was first born so even when we got out of hospital we were back pretty much every day for tests and appointments etc. So we got out and about a lot pretty early on. However, when I did have a day we didn't need to go out I loved nothing more than snuggling up on the sofa together and watching boxsets/napping (obvs not both on the sofa)/establishing bf etc.

As for feeding, it does depend on how comfortable you are with it, but a baby can, realistically, be fed anywhere. If you're not comfortable whipping a boob out just anywhere, though, there's lots of places that can offer private spaces. (Cubicles in shops with changing rooms, John Lewis and M&S near me have feeding rooms, as does the shopping centre etc.) Worth trying to find a few now in case you want to feed in private when you're out and about, though

Personally, I look back on those snuggly days with fond memories - definitely don't get the chance to just sit and chill like that now he's a toddler!

Honestly just do what you want when the time comes. Don’t plan it or overthink it too much. Ignore:

Unsolicited advice
What I did back in 1956 stories from your Aunt Gladys
If you are/do X then baby will be Y (utter nonsense they all have their own personalities and will do as they please)

There’s a multitude of factors here; your birth recovery, the babies sleeping pattern, how well breastfeeding is going and getting your confidence up feeding in public.

I always got out but in the early days I just wanted a little fresh air and a walk. I didn’t want to be at picnics and bbqs because I was bloody exhausted.

I'd say a bit of both! There's a lot of time so you can do the vast majority of the time chilling/box sets/feeding etc with the odd walk then maybe a little pub trip or whatever with your DP at the weekend. I actually found it best to take baby out of the house rather than to have people round as it gives you a change of scene and you can always leave if they are having a screechy day!

People telling you to "chill" so you'll have a chilled out baby is not true! I am a very calm person and my first was anything but! Second is much more so though. Also, maybe your route to being chilled IS to relax at home.