Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

[Cosmos123]

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

Each to their own, I think its absolute madness and I wouldn't offer any financial support etc if they're going to be so ridiculous.

So you are not a parent of either of them @Cosmos123?

Are you a relative then? An aunt, cousin, sibling?

They must have a close relationship with you to ask for something as serious as being a guarantor.

Presumably their own parents have refused!
Why did you need to ask on a forum?

They are clearly living in cloud cuckoo land and are high risk with a low credit score, hence the need for a guarantor.

I wonder if they have debts as well?

@bobandhisburgers

Maybe they can't get a mortgage at the moment or for a good few years?!

I get the feeling you're related to one of them so I think it's very unkind to deny them moving to a new home just because you don't like the way they have spent their own savings. They are clearly able to save up a substantial amount, so will be able to do it again when they need to.

I don’t think you’ve read all the updates?

OP isn’t stopping them doing anything, hence the ridiculous splurge on the costs of the wedding.

Refusing to act as a guarantor for a property rental is extremely prudent given they only managed to save this sum because they’ve not paid a penny in rent, bills, food etc. for a few years by living for free with their parents.

OP also mentioned that the costs were spiralling because they’re keen to not look cheap and keep up with the Jones’s/ Insta mob.

Once they move into their own place and have to pay all their own bills, they’ll need to start living within a tight budget especially given their earnings will be fairly low to start with.

At what point are they going to admit to themselves that trying to maintain a champagne lifestyle on a tea budget isn’t realistic. How much debt will they accumulate before they get their ‘ah ha’ moment, if they ever do?

I don’t think OP should act as guarantor but I do think they should ask the couple to work out what their actual budget for everything will be when they move into rented accommodation on the premise that they’re thinking about it.

If the couple have never paid a penny in bills and rent, they are probably completely clueless about how much these things actually cost.

I actually feel sorry for the couple as once financial reality hits, they’re going to be very unhappy.

OP have they considered the cost of living when they will have to pay for everything for themselves? Has nobody pointed that out to them?

I can see them getting into debt very quickly, when they discover that they will have to pay rent, council tax, gas, electricity, water, phone/internet, food, household goods, travel/commute, etc etc out their own pockets and they have no savings to fall back on.

It's not your responsibility obviously, but an appointment with an IFA would probably be an eye-opener if they genuinely have not thought about how they will fund themselves going forward.

DH and I had foreign wedding which was cheaper than a comparable UK wedding at the time, but we both owned our own houses and had jobs and savings. Flash wedding would have been way down the priority list if we didn't have jobs or properties already...

Weirdly enough, I would have no problem if they spent 3K on the wedding and 43K on the honeymoon.

Are you a relative then? An aunt, cousin, sibling?

They must have a close relationship with you to ask for something as serious as being a guarantor

.Presumably their own parents have refused.

Or they could make equally foolish decisions about money, have a bad credit history and wouldn't be accepted as Guarantors. Even more reason to say no in that case.

Agree @ejhhhhh. Not only will they get a reality check they will also then bang on about how unfair it is that they can't buy a property. Conveniently forgetting the obscene amount they blew on their "dream" wedding. Unfortunately life is about choices.

@Cosmos123 Completely ridiculous to spend everything saved under very easy circumstances over the last 8/9 years on one day. Madness even. They could still have a really nice day on half that amount, surely?
Or a fraction of it for that matter. Then have a decent chunk to get themselves on the housing ladder for their future?

It is their choice, but it’s a bizarre one. Very odd values.

I wouldn’t be guarantor either for this couple.

Why is the 'bride' unemployed? (Or is she working but wants to be a nursery nurse?)

Nursery nurses don't earn much anyway - a bit more than a TA but far less than a teacher. She's likely to hit a ceiling of around £20K unless she gets a snr role in a nursery (and it's not clear if she even has any qualifications as a nursery nurse or is just hoping to get a job in a nursery.)

Long term, a newly qualified nurse (him) and her (whatever she does) they are not going to earn shed loads.

Have they any realism about a mortgage application further down the line?

"It's their money" well yes, it is, but it's a shame no one has taught them the value of it. They've been living at home and saving for years to manage to get to this total and it's going to be chucked away in one day.

If this is the type of financial decision they're comfortable making, I'm glad you've decided not to be their guarantor.

Just make sure they don't ask your DPs, their DGPs, to be guarantors.

Some people will do this without a regard for their DGPs financial security

.Afterall there are 43,000 reasons not to be a guarantor for their rent.

Just realised you probably are the DGM OP.

In which case I'm glad you've said no to the loan for the Honeymoon and being guarantor.

I would offer her help to search for a job though. It's a shame she's not more worried about what people would think of her not having a job.

Dont be their guarantor then.

They probably think they will only get married once and can earn more money.

Spending anything over £500 on a wedding makes me uncomfortable but everyone is different- leave them to it.

Maybe it was wrong for me to be judgemental in their decisions to spend so much on one day as it is their money and their choice after all

Rubbish, everyone's being judgmental about that and quite rightly so.

You obviously care about them, OP, but you're right not to bail them out.

They can't afford that wedding, not when they also need to find money for a honeymoon and rent to live.

They will have to stay living at home for another few years. Lucky them!

Ridiculous amount of money to spend on one day when they don’t have a home to live in!

I’ve been to a few weddings where they have had the same attitude

We need to have this kind of wedding because…..
What will people think if we don’t……
I want it to be the best wedding ever. …… Etc etc etc

These are the friends and family who are now divorced or separated!

The ones who had non extravagant weddings are all still together!

Sounds like archetypal people who wan't a wedding and not a marriage or a life together. A single day designed to try and show off to impress their mates (and probably their social media accounts as well), who will probably secretly not care, and think they're both insane if they know the overall spend and the fact they're pushing on into their married 30's without a home to call their own, even a rented one.

With enough time I think anyone on here; without seeing it, could describe the wedding down to a tee, because it'll probably be chocked full of stereotypical Instagram wedding tropes.

Fuck being a guarantor for people like this. To put it in perspective I've just remortgaged my house after the deal ended and we're paying less than £500 a month mortgage now, they'll be paying at least that away in rent for the foreseeable future I think. Also in perspective, £43k in my postcode would buy a 2 bed flat outright, or be an over 50% deposit on a 2 bed terrace or a new build 2 bed flat.

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent

Are you a relative then? An aunt, cousin, sibling?

They must have a close relationship with you to ask for something as serious as being a guarantor

.Presumably their own parents have refused.

Or they could make equally foolish decisions about money, have a bad credit history and wouldn't be accepted as Guarantors. Even more reason to say no in that case.

Parents can support as they are on benefits.

Can't support

Don't be guilt tripped into being guarantor to these people. Have you already told them you won't or is that yet to come?

I wouldn't be a guarantor for them. I think it's crazy.

If their parents are on benefits then how honest are they letting them live there rent and bills free for years? That doesn't make sense.

It seems crazy and i do think a waste of their money

why care wnhat people think this is the generation of bloody influencers and its all gone too far

Im sure tghey'll find another mug to be gurantor

@RickySpanishhh

3. Yes they are related

To you? Not to each other?

To me. Lol Would be strange if to each other.

Well to conclude.
I hope that their marriage does work.
I am not prepared to be a guarantor.
Maybe I'm just old school and it sounds like too much money to spend on one day.

However apart from expressing my initial advice I did not interfere with their decision.
Life can be challenging at the best of time and it can be so much worse when you don't have money.

@RedHelenB

If you trust them to pay the rent then be their guarantor. Paying money they already have on a wedding is an irrelevance although it could easy pay almost half of a starter home where I live.

It’s not irrelevant because they could use that money to pay a years rent upfront, and they then wouldn’t need a guarantor.