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AIBU?

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Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
Allycott · 20/09/2021 18:48

@Cosmos123

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live. He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse. They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor. Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

WTF has it got to do with you? Butt out.
Iflyaway · 20/09/2021 18:48

Don't be a fool for other's wild dreams.

Unless you can lose the money.

Why the fuck are they asking YOU to sponsor their lifestyle which sounds totally crazy anyway

Better to put it into a pension. Your future. By that time they'll be divorced maybe and out of your life.

Remember, YOU owe YOURSELF a good life, not them.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 18:52

NO NO NO to being a guarantor...please don't.
If they're spending 43k ON A WEDDING what are you thinking of? 😲😱
Their thinking is seriously skewed.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 18:53

.. and so is yours if you agree to be a guarantor. Let them ask their parents. Not in a million years. You will regret it.

Boshmama · 20/09/2021 18:57

Their money their business. Why do you care?

Dfhugdhvdnjrs · 20/09/2021 18:58

They are morons

Youdoyoutoday · 20/09/2021 19:00

@Boshmama

Their money their business. Why do you care?
Because they have asked the OP to be a guarantor as she said in her opening post 🙄
DarkDarkNight · 20/09/2021 19:08

YANBU, It’s utterly ridiculous. An obscene amount of money to spend on one day to show off to other people. You can have a lovely wedding that doesn’t cost so much. YABU as with the wedding 6 weeks ago the money has gone, they will get very little back if they try to cancel things now.

They may come to regret wasting £43,000, that would be a 35% deposit on the house I’ve just bought and I know what I’d rather have. I have a cousin who is still paying off her first wedding which was financed through credit cards and remortgaging her house. She is now divorced and renting with her current partner paying off her wedding to her first husband.

Kaley3043 · 20/09/2021 19:11

I would normally say it has nothing to do with you what they spend but seeing as you are being asked to be a guarantor, you are right to be annoyed. I wouldn't do it op!

Spending so much on a wedding is insane. If it was me I'd much rather have a cheaper wedding. I've always told dp, I would be happy with a registry office wedding. Our kitchen needs replacing and I'd much rather got married cheaply and have a shiny new kitchen 👀

Standrewsschool · 20/09/2021 19:18

You do know that if you decide to be a guarantor, and they default on the rent payment, you’ll end up paying? So many people don’t seem to realise this and think they are just testifying to the (financial) good nature of the renter.

TractorAndHeadphones · 20/09/2021 19:19

Are you sure they aren’t planning on living on benefits - seeing as their parents are , despite having had a working adult in the house who managed to save at least 20K a year.

That equates to about £200 a month which is very doable when you don’t pay rent. However you said they don’t contribute to food and bills as well so in actual fact they’re terrible at saving! If I didn’t have to pay any living expenses I’d have £500 in the bank at least…

willstarttomorrow · 20/09/2021 19:20

OP- whilst I agree to some extent it is their decision, by asking you to be guarantor you are more than entitled to raise with them some of your opinions in regards to their financial planning. Being guarantor is not risk free and a huge thing to ask. They could have paid a year up front and still have had more than enough for a fancy wedding.

43K on a wedding with their current/financial income is insane. I have friends from various socio-economic groups and even those living mortgage free (with parental help) in the most expensive part of our city would not have blown this amount. In fact, those who are better off tend to be more financially savvy.

The wedding will go ahead and the money is probably now spent. What is really sad is that they view putting on a show on their wedding day above the financial security that makes a marriage so much easier. I also would not be surprised if they find, on reflection, the day is a bit of a let down. Throwing money at something does not make a better day but does raise expectations.

It is their decision to make but just be clear that it is not one you can support, considering that they have placed you in this position but then leave it at that. They may not be able to see your point of view now so do not get into an arguement. Just a no, why and also make sure they understand what a huge thing they are asking. Let them get on with it, I would be surprised if they do not regret their decisions when they look back.

Battlingongraciously · 20/09/2021 19:21

Ridiculous waste of money. Are they trying to look 'clever ' so many people are nowadays.

Sure they aren't just winding you up?

Attention seeking is top of the bill too nowadays.

I'd have laughed my head off if they'd have told me probably killed myself laughing at the guarantor balls!!!!!

TractorAndHeadphones · 20/09/2021 19:22

Also sorry if I’ve misread it - unsure whether they don’t contribute for food and bills.

It’s still not a very large amount to have saved given their circumstances

TractorAndHeadphones · 20/09/2021 19:22

*2K a year!
Sorry it’s been a long day…

2orangey · 20/09/2021 19:30

I'm so glad you decided not to be guarantor. Way too risky!

I really can't understand the 43000 wedding when they don't have anywhere to live. Really putting the cart before the horse!

My partner and I are on low wages and I'm sorry but we just couldn't spend that on what is only really a party. Its hard to save money, it needs to go on something worthwhile and lasting.

When I bought a place with my partner we had saved 20000 each so 40000 deposit. Our place was 120000 so that's a third of the property value. It felt like a good use of the money. In the 5 years since we've been overpaying like crazy (we pay 600-700 per month) and now only owing 55000.

We'll be marrying in a registry office with 2 witnesses early next year. Might spend 300-400 quid on a few extras to mark the day. No show-off social media pictures but at the end of the day it should be about the marriage, not the wedding!

Allinadayswork80 · 20/09/2021 19:30

Their money so up to them. IMO it’s absolutely ridiculous but it’s not up to you to tell someone how to spend their money.
That said however, I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable being their guarantor if they’re so frivolous with money and you don’t even make it sound as though they’re close friends? It could easily blow up in your face.

PurpleOkapi · 20/09/2021 19:41

YWBU if you agreed to be a guarantor for a couple you know to be so financially irresponsible. Aside from that, it's not really any of your business. Feel free to laugh at them later when they complain about being skint and ask for money.

Actually, a 43k wedding will probably have about a million guests, and many of them will give cash, so they'll probably be fine.

Battlingongraciously · 20/09/2021 19:43

Of course someone can tell anyone how to spend their money, freedom of speech!

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 20/09/2021 19:44

Yup, it's about the marriage and not the wedding

We had a lovely registry office ceremony, and reception in a restaurant in a village in Cornwall that we went to for years, and they opened for our wedding, just the wedding party. Was quite small, think 15 people and with amazing food, champagne ( we brought several cases ourselves) was around £1,000.

NewlyGranny · 20/09/2021 19:50

YABVVU if you guarantee their rent! Why would you? Could you afford to lost £500 pcm? Do you want to? Unless one of them is your PFB DC I wouldn't.

Nixster87 · 20/09/2021 19:56

I was under the impression a bursary was means tested? So 43K had obviously not been declared to those providing the training bursary.

Pixxie7 · 20/09/2021 19:59

As others have said I think it depends on how they got the money, if saved did they have different previous jobs? If they have genuinely saved it, they may be ok or are they spending it to get maximum benefits because with that level of savings they wouldn’t be entitled to any.
To my mind it is ridiculous either way, I certainly wouldn’t act as a guarantee for them. It

onlychildhamster · 20/09/2021 19:59

@ilovemydogandmrobama2 it sounds gorgeous but weddings are also family affairs. I have never heard of an Indian couple who got married with 15 people in a Cornwall restaurant. We are having 50 people at my wedding and my cousin's eyes nearly fell out of his head- average
for my family is 300 people (at 5 star hotel with at least 8 courses). I had to trim down the guest list to keep within budget for the 5 star hotel and 8 courses. Indians have thousands of people at their wedding, I don't think you can do that for £1000! £43k would be a cheap Indian wedding I think.

StoneofDestiny · 20/09/2021 20:03

Crikey - can't even imagine how you can spent that on a wedding! Genuinely would love to know.