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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
Annoyedanddissapointed · 19/09/2021 13:00

Agree with pps.

Yheir business, until they asked for a guarantor.

So I would not be a guarantor (tbh I wouldn't be anyway for anyone), and let them do as they wish

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 13:04

@Cosmos123

Can't support
So hang on,...their parents are on benefits, but they have been allowing their very adult DD or DS to live with them rent/food free for years and meanwhile the DS/DC saved over £43K ?

Why didn't they help their parents out instead of saving for a posh meal and a frock?

Nocutenamesleft · 19/09/2021 13:13

It’s their money

However. I wouldn’t be guarantor. To me this shows that they don’t budget well enough. So although if they went to spend that money on a wedding. That’s fine. It doesn’t make financial sense. So I’d refuse based on that really.

Biker47 · 19/09/2021 13:16

Life can be challenging at the best of time and it can be so much worse when you don't have money.

lol, they're about to find this out after the wedding.

1FootInTheRave · 19/09/2021 13:17

So glad our tax money has paid towards these fools being able to save 43k to blow on a fucking party.

AlandAnna · 19/09/2021 13:29

Did the OP ever come back?

nordicnorth · 19/09/2021 13:32

@HollowTalk

If their parents are on benefits then how honest are they letting them live there rent and bills free for years? That doesn't make sense.
Lots in this story doesn't make sense.
AlandAnna · 19/09/2021 13:33

Ok I caught up. All sounds odd to me so can’t advise further but glad OP has made some sense out of it all Hmm

RiotAtTheRodeo · 19/09/2021 13:44

Pair of nutters

user1471538283 · 19/09/2021 13:47

Dear god. Although I heard of a young couple spending £50k on credit cards and loans for their wedding. £50k! That was nearly as much as my mortgage.

I suppose their focus is the day. But I would be their guarantor.

HambletonSquare · 19/09/2021 13:56

You might be doing them a favour by not agreeing to be guarantor. Without your financial security and willingness to cover their possible unpaid rent, they may not be able to rent at all and have to rethink the £43k spend.

Biker47 · 19/09/2021 14:03

@HambletonSquare

You might be doing them a favour by not agreeing to be guarantor. Without your financial security and willingness to cover their possible unpaid rent, they may not be able to rent at all and have to rethink the £43k spend.
6 weeks to the wedding, I'd be surprised if majority of the money is not already locked in as unrecoverable, so it is all but spent by this point.
flippertyop · 19/09/2021 15:07

They are not careful enough with their money for you to agree to be a guarantor

RaspberrySchnapps · 19/09/2021 15:14

sorry assumed you were one of the parents OP, this gets worse and worse. And this couples finances were the OPs business as soon as they asked her to be guarantor, that can very seriously muck up your life if it goes wrong so it should never be done lightly. Glad you've said no, keep on saying no.

the80sweregreat · 19/09/2021 15:24

I cannot get my head around anyone wanting to waste that amount of cash getting married!
It's mind boggling ( and mostly for other people too !)

MargosKaftan · 19/09/2021 15:33

Yes but most "useless with money" people would have spent it along the way, a £2k holiday a year. A car for work "needs to be reliable and I can afford it without credit" - £10/15k easily without being fancy. A few big nights out a year, gig tickets, etc. If its been 9 years in the saving, that's less than £400 a month, you'd barely notice or £200 a month each. You'd barely notice most people "wasting" that. They set a target and saved for it. They haven't been silly with money throughout their 20s.

VestaTilley · 19/09/2021 15:41

YANBU. They are being ridiculous and insane.

Do not be the guarantor on their flat - they should have thought about that before they committed all their life savings to a wedding they can’t afford.

Most people don’t spend anywhere near this much - it’s madness! £43k is a house deposit!

User4378645 · 19/09/2021 15:45

I wouldn't be a guarantor, they are not even properly employed

User4378645 · 19/09/2021 15:47

Why would anyone spend that on a wedding when they haven't even got proper jobs

onlychildhamster · 19/09/2021 16:11

@the80sweregreat I just looked it up and average Asian British wedding is £50k in the UK- Sikh, Hindu etc. Average British Jewish wedding is in excess of 50k, no wonder my SIL thought she was being frugal at 33k! So if you have any Asian or Jewish friends, chances are half of them spent that much or even more on their weddings and they probably aren't all feckless either!

But these are huge family affairs. When I asked my DH if this was a huge sum for a wedding, he said no, it isn't, it's normal but it isn't a personal expense, that is a family expense. So parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles all pitch in. But he added that he would never spend that much as he doesn't have the whole family offering to help him pay. Which is why our wedding is budgeted to cost £10k (synagogue ceremony in London, banquet lunch in Singapore for my extended family of 50) and will probably happen 7 years after our civil registry ceremony (in part due to covid but also because we saved for and bought our flat before even thinking about a wedding).

Lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2021 16:20

@HollowTalk

If their parents are on benefits then how honest are they letting them live there rent and bills free for years? That doesn't make sense.
Agreed. Do the parents own their house then? Otherwise I think they’d have to charge as benefit wouldn’t cover it.

I remember that woman who lived in absolute poverty to save up her benefit. She was done for fraud for having too much in savings she hadn’t declared even though it was all her benefit money !

dayslikethese1 · 19/09/2021 16:44

They shouldn't have asked OP (or anyone) to be a guarantor. With that amount they could easily have paid 6 months rent upfront and not needed a guarantor. Or saved it for a deposit. That's more than enough for a deposit, even in London.

RedHelenB · 19/09/2021 22:12

But the money has already been spent, presumably before OP was asked to be guarantor. So, as I say an irrelevance. The only bit that concerns the OP us of she trusts them to pay the rent.And as people on mumsnet have no idea on this it's a decision the OP needs to come to for herself.

DangerMouse5 · 19/09/2021 23:18

@RedHelenB

But the money has already been spent, presumably before OP was asked to be guarantor. So, as I say an irrelevance. The only bit that concerns the OP us of she trusts them to pay the rent.And as people on mumsnet have no idea on this it's a decision the OP needs to come to for herself.
I think MN can

The couple had sufficient funds not to need a guarantor

They spent it recklessly and now want OP to help them out. Nope no and no

They are not an impoverished couple that have no chance of starting afresh they had £43 grand and decided to BLOW it!!

DangerMouse5 · 19/09/2021 23:20

No normal person would think oh this is a couple who are responsible with money so it isn't a risk for me to be guarantor for then. You'd think the opposite! The lady people you'd ever guarantee!!