what’s it like to be married to an upper class (posh) man and how do you get with one?

[PlainPiano]

What’s it like being married to an old money, posh upper class man and how did you get with one?

By posh upper class man I mean:
Multiple generations of his family went to Eton, Harrow, Westminster etc.
Went to Oxford to read PPE, or Cambridge
Has family money going back generations
Works a big City job in finance or in politics etc.

What type of woman do they want, thin, blonde..?

In my yoof I knocked around with poshos and landed gentry ...friendly enough and up for fun and japes but definitely had an invisble barrier that you couldnt cross if you weren't one of them from birth . Plenty of vast cold houses where beans on toast was a regular meal but also skiing in elite resorts , winning 'Pluckiest Girl on the slopes ' sort of thing and marrying within the social circle . Almost impossible to crack if you not from their childhoid circle ..and yes to gimlet eyed godmothers arranging Balls and careers.
Going to Henley and Ascot etc is a revelation about the new money thing though ..plenty of plug ugly self made men with stunning thin blondes ...there's gold in there ok but not with old school tie types .

If you have to ask then it's not going to happen.

Can someone post a link if/when this ends up in the Daily mail?

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

My DH went to Marlborough college boarding school, which cost £30k per year 20 yeaes ago, and mixed with lots of these types. His dad is a banking millionaire, so new money. He played sports with Eton boys in fixtures. They were mainly twats. Lots of drug use, in fact one of his friends died after taking ketamine. DH himself is pretty normal.

DH went to a well-known boarding school then Oxford. The more I hear about it and about his peers the more amazed I am at how normal he is. Where normal = not emotionally stunted with weird sexual proclivities and not a sexist bastard. He is weirdly stingy with money though

I wouldn't know, I'd detest having to fit into that social scene as a woman.

@gibletjane

this will be catnip to some posters!

🍿

It is to me. I love nonsense about poshness on MN

I know loads of them
How do you meet them? Go to Cambridge (or Oxford) yourself
Maybe do land economy
You are welcome as far as I'm concerned. Not my thing at all.

My DH meets all of your criteria.

None of those things are in any way the most noteworthy or appealing things about him.

I’m not posh. Or glamorous. I teach in a special school. Our life is very financially comfortable but really quite normal.

We met at a mutual friend’s wedding. I was not out to meet someone new. It was coup de foudre.

My husband is awesome, by the way. And very, very funny (sometimes even intentionally).

In short, I’d say being married to a posh man is much like being married to a not posh man, but with more Labradors.

Actually, there’s a hint. Get into Labradors. They all bloody love Labradors.

Thanks @MsHedgehog!

By weird sexual proclivities I mean the sort of stuff that would get you a mention on Private Eye's funny old world.

@AngelicaElizaAndPeggy

Users have taken to the website Mumsnet to exchange experiences of how to ensnare Britain's wealthiest elite males.

There you go; I've saved you the job of having to write your daily mail headline once you've harvested a critical mass of vapid comments.

I think the actual headline might be a bit more low-rent, like

‘HELP ME BAG A POSHO!’ BEGS MUMSNET USER.

Don't mind me, just pulling up a pew. 🍿

Move to London, work in banking or other v high income job and have good contacts.

I know a couple of vair posh people and although they date anyone they like when it comes to marriage they always marry their own tribe.

Oh and have an odd attitude to money as in don't bat an eyelid at spending £1M on putting in an all weather arena for exercising a pony.
But hit the roof when a tradesman recommends replacing a worn out 30 year old boiler for £5k.
Rich people are rich because they don't spend it if at all possible.

The real question OP is what can you offer a titled man that he can't get within his own network? What makes you think they'd want to be with you?

My dad at least partly fitted your bill. Generations of his family went to Harrow (his brothers did but not him as he wasn’t bright enough). Dusty, rambling old house full of old family furniture and dogs. Incredibly mean financially- plenty in shares and in property but we always had to share a cheese board meant for one between four or five of us for pudding if we went out to eat. We are all members of one of the livery companies in London which means endless opportunities to socialise with other members (some of the family are very into it - I went on the day I was invested and have never been back!)
My mum and dad divorced when I was quite young but I see a fair bit of that part of my family, they are nice and kind but not of this world, muddy long walks are their absolute favourite activity. They have a strange contempt for rules (things like walking in private property) which can make them kind of embarrassing to be around. Some own a lot of land others not so much but they all share a big extended group of friends with names like Tozer and Binks (which are clearly not their real names but I have literally never heard them referred to by their actual names). My dad was hugely disappointed that I (the first born child of the eldest son of the family) was not a boy, he was obsessed with producing a male heir (although it wasn’t like there was anything particularly exciting to inherit).

That generation are all in their 60s now and we, their children, are much more of a mixed bag, some of us were privately educated, some not, some went to Oxford and Cambridge. We are a close family but not closed to outsiders, anyone is welcome but you would be very disappointed if you came looking for wealth and a jet setting lifestyle, you would spend far more time playing Victorian parlour games and listening to an endless stream of in-jokes.

If you can get a job doing something with horses in a posh rural area you will eventually meet one. But don’t be expected to get paid above minimum wage.

They usually make the same choices as everyone else. They marry someone who is from a similar background to themselves.

@HereForThis

They don’t try to make an impression, especially in their homes. Almost all the furniture is old and/or mismatched as it has often been passed through the generations.

I would say, on the whole, those in the middle classes with aspirations of climbing the social ladder (and “new money”) are far more arrogant and materialistic than any true upper class person that I have met.

Statements like this are all over MN and they always make me chuckle.

Me too. I'm married to a posh bloke, but I'm posher and got more money so there

He's a normal middle aged civil servant. Can be a bit Humphrey Appleby at times, but his colleagues take the piss out of him when he does that. He looks like a slightly shorter Chris Whitty so the leggy blonde goddesses don't really pay him any attention and he wouldn't be interested anyway as he's very happy to be shagging this fat ginger woman.

Our house is on my dads estate, I'll grant you that, and is currently shabby because we are slowly decorating it. The furniture is a mixture of Ikea, next and John Lewis. Anything old and uncomfortable gets thrown out sharpish.

He doesn't own any strange coloured trousers but does have an alarmingly bright yellow sweater that the kids are planning to disappear. He's not tight with money, but neither is he flash. He's anti blood sports so no hunting, shooting, fishing here and he is completely useless at being the country squire type.

As I said. Normal bloke. Or as normal as a civil servant can get - which isn't very.

Oh and he can't ride a horse if his life depended on it. Or a bike.

I’m interested that many people say that people marry from the same social background. I don’t think that’s as important for some than others.

DH and his 2 brothers ( Eton, H’Oxford, house by The Park etc.) variously married me ( very normal English girl, social worker’s daughter) , a Greek painter and a New Yorker who is now a liberal Rabbi.

The thing we all have in common is that we are funny, interesting and ballsy enough to square up to The Matriarch.

If a man ever showed an interest in me (a working class person) I’d think he’s taking the piss and trying to humiliate me.

No thanks mate.

If an upper class man ever showed an interest in me

Ha. This thread is peak Mumsnet nonsense. A load of people desperate to chime in that they once knew a posh person and gleefully profile them as a homogeneous group.

@PooWillyNameChange

Ha. This thread is peak Mumsnet nonsense. A load of people desperate to chime in that they once knew a posh person and gleefully profile them as a homogeneous group.

Sorry. Should have said currently know a lot of posh people and move in their social circles but didn't like to gloat. That better for you ??