Organ donation

[Mumguilt12]

After a recent death in the family, Me and DH were chatting about our death and funeral plans etc. Cheery huh!

Anyway, I said the songs I wanted played at my funeral. And I am absolutely clear that if my organs can be donated, they should be. All of them.
If not, I’d like to donate my body to science. I’d like to be cremated.

He thinks organ donation is not nice. “I dont want them to cut me up etc” I am absolutely shocked by his negative feelings towards it.

I said if our kid needed a new heart, would he accept it and he said he would. Now I believe if you are willing to take, you should be willing to give.

He is certain that he finds it all a bit wrong and it’s not nice for the family left behind. I also said that I completely disagreed and I personally would find comfort in knowing my relative had saved a life.

I know it’s silly but a) if I go, I don’t trust him to follow my wishes b) I’m judging him. How can you not want to help a sick person?! I don’t get it.

He comes from a religious family although himself is not really into it (other than a general belief in god). Not sure if that’s part of his thoughts.

It’s really made me look at him in a different light. AIBU?

It’s times like these that I think we are really not compatible. I really value kindness and thinking of others and he… really doesn’t.

I have registered as an organ donor. I've had a donor card since I was about 18.

That still only tells your family that you were happy to be a donor. It isn’t legally binding. They still need to consent.

The purpose of the opt out is that it makes it easier for families to consent to donation. Someone who hasn’t opted out or told their family they didn’t want to donate most likely didn’t feel strongly that they didn’t want to be a donor

Disagree with this logic. That’s what campaigners for opt out want to believe.

In reality all that would tell me as a family member is that by loved one could never bear thinking about it and would leave me still not knowing what they wanted.
Opt in is much more certain.
A better way would be to have much more common advertising campaigns to get people to opt in by text or email or at least open conversations.

@blubberyboo

The purpose of the opt out is that it makes it easier for families to consent to donation. Someone who hasn’t opted out or told their family they didn’t want to donate most likely didn’t feel strongly that they didn’t want to be a donor

Disagree with this logic. That’s what campaigners for opt out want to believe.

In reality all that would tell me as a family member is that by loved one could never bear thinking about it and would leave me still not knowing what they wanted.
Opt in is much more certain.
A better way would be to have much more common advertising campaigns to get people to opt in by text or email or at least open conversations.

I agree with this.

@LowDecemberBackInB12. (Hope I remembered your posting name properly)7
OMG. I have just read your post about the staff playing music and holding your little one's hand.
Please ignore the attitude of the disgusting poster who seems to believe that they were entitled to the amazing gift that her family received.
It must have taken every bit of every bit of strength you had for you to allow this. I know that I could not of let that happen if it was my child.

I am totally in awe of you. You are an incredible woman.
I am so sorry for your loss 💐

@blubberyboo

The purpose of the opt out is that it makes it easier for families to consent to donation. Someone who hasn’t opted out or told their family they didn’t want to donate most likely didn’t feel strongly that they didn’t want to be a donor

Disagree with this logic. That’s what campaigners for opt out want to believe.

In reality all that would tell me as a family member is that by loved one could never bear thinking about it and would leave me still not knowing what they wanted.
Opt in is much more certain.
A better way would be to have much more common advertising campaigns to get people to opt in by text or email or at least open conversations.

I agree with you blubberyboo. It makes it harder for families to feel they can say no. Its a form of coercion rather than a free choice. Some people will feel they cannot be assertive or will be judged if they so no.

I have a general problem with any health care set up which forces you to feel you cannot say no or makes it more difficult to say no as it undermines the ethics of consent. That includes vaccines and screening.

I find it wholly unethical and wrong.

The assumption is that we are all donors until we object which comodifies our body parts and makes us a potential asset.

I do think it puts anyone who is vulnerable in a particularly difficult position especially if they have no one to advocate for them or they are under state care.

I think it a step too far. Even with all these reassurances.

With all the pressure to donate and the emotional manipulation of the subject I wonder what the next campaign will be. One to remove family consent? I do think it will happen in time regardless if what protests on this thread are because of the increase in demand for donations and the assumption that medical intervention should always be done even if its not necessarily in the interest of the patient.

I am firmly in the, just because you can do something doesn't mean you necessarily should, camp.

I don't object to organ donation on principle. I do object to a creep towards state ownership of the dead and a growing almost ghoulish feeling by some that they have the automatic moral right to other peoples organs and its 'selfish' not to give them up after death. That is a selfish notion in its own right which fails to recognise the emotional / spiritual side of death which is very real (and important to the mental health throughout life) to many.

How about forcible donation from someone who’s taken more than one life or terrorists, with no justification e.g. spur of the moment, jealousy, self defence etc.