Organ donation

[Mumguilt12]

After a recent death in the family, Me and DH were chatting about our death and funeral plans etc. Cheery huh!

Anyway, I said the songs I wanted played at my funeral. And I am absolutely clear that if my organs can be donated, they should be. All of them.
If not, I’d like to donate my body to science. I’d like to be cremated.

He thinks organ donation is not nice. “I dont want them to cut me up etc” I am absolutely shocked by his negative feelings towards it.

I said if our kid needed a new heart, would he accept it and he said he would. Now I believe if you are willing to take, you should be willing to give.

He is certain that he finds it all a bit wrong and it’s not nice for the family left behind. I also said that I completely disagreed and I personally would find comfort in knowing my relative had saved a life.

I know it’s silly but a) if I go, I don’t trust him to follow my wishes b) I’m judging him. How can you not want to help a sick person?! I don’t get it.

He comes from a religious family although himself is not really into it (other than a general belief in god). Not sure if that’s part of his thoughts.

It’s really made me look at him in a different light. AIBU?

It’s times like these that I think we are really not compatible. I really value kindness and thinking of others and he… really doesn’t.

@poolsidefashion arguably the most efficient way to save lives would be to NOT donate your organs but instead donate your body to a medical school or for research.

You'd be helping find cures for diseases or training the next generation of surgeons, both of which would mean you'd have positive impacts on thousands of lives, rather than the handful you would save through organ donation.

I think both are great choices, to be clear, but if your sole aim is to save as many lives as possible then you may wish to consider cadaver donation instead of organ donation.

I’m pretty sure deep down it’s just squeamish thoughts (80%) and a belief in afterlife (20%)

I guarantee if I go first, he would feel uncomfortable with letting go any or all of my organs. He’s made particular comments about they eyes/cornea donation.

[quote XenoBitch]@poolsidefashion

They are a ton of different ways to save lives than organ donation. They range from not voting Tory, to learning CPR.
But yeah, I am the devil incarnate for wanting to have a say over my own dead body.[/quote]
yes those things save lives, as does donating organs. I’m not sure what your point is?

I do also think it really doesn’t sit well with me that he would be so willing to accept a heart for himself or our kids.

I realise that’s not how the NHS works and totally agree. I can’t donate blood at the moment but would accept a blood transfusion.

But morally, it doesn’t sit well with me.

@poolsidefashion

What is your big problem with some people opting out of organ donation? I said I am, and that I wont be accepting organs either. So what is the issue?

I work in donation. Just to reassure anyone reading this thread- the opt out system doesn't mean that we will swoop in and take your organs and tissues if you haven't opted out at the time of your death. It just means that if you haven't opted out that we are able to have a conversation with potential donor families about donation- it's about widening the conversation pool and increasing donations that way rather than just taking! If the family does not consent- even for those who have registered their wish for their organs and tissues to be donated- then we simply do not proceed with donation.

Bare in mind that for organ donation to happen you have to have been on life support and declared brain dead- very, very few people have the right circumstances for beating heart organ donation. For tissue donation it's different and you can donate tissues within 6-72 hours of death depending on how your body has been stored. It's truly a gift and my colleagues and myself all treat it as such. The impact a donor and their family has on recipients is incredible.

Op. If you truly want to be an organ/ tissue donor then you really need to make sure that your partner understands that and will respect your wishes. I've seen numerous cases where family have been unable or unwilling to give consent to honour their loved ones wishes, it's understandable as grief affects us all differently. Typically we see more females consenting for their loved ones to be donors than males consenting. I genuinely think it's because we tend to be a bit more pragmatic.

[quote XenoBitch]@poolsidefashion

What is your big problem with some people opting out of organ donation? I said I am, and that I wont be accepting organs either. So what is the issue?[/quote]
as mentioned in my first post, my problem is that people could die because you’d rather your organs rot. children, mothers, friends, sons, teachers, nurses; who knows who’ll be unlucky enough to need an organ but there isn’t one available. hope that’s clear enough

@Teaandcakeordeath83

I work in donation. Just to reassure anyone reading this thread- the opt out system doesn't mean that we will swoop in and take your organs and tissues if you haven't opted out at the time of your death. It just means that if you haven't opted out that we are able to have a conversation with potential donor families about donation- it's about widening the conversation pool and increasing donations that way rather than just taking! If the family does not consent- even for those who have registered their wish for their organs and tissues to be donated- then we simply do not proceed with donation.

Bare in mind that for organ donation to happen you have to have been on life support and declared brain dead- very, very few people have the right circumstances for beating heart organ donation. For tissue donation it's different and you can donate tissues within 6-72 hours of death depending on how your body has been stored. It's truly a gift and my colleagues and myself all treat it as such. The impact a donor and their family has on recipients is incredible.

Op. If you truly want to be an organ/ tissue donor then you really need to make sure that your partner understands that and will respect your wishes. I've seen numerous cases where family have been unable or unwilling to give consent to honour their loved ones wishes, it's understandable as grief affects us all differently. Typically we see more females consenting for their loved ones to be donors than males consenting. I genuinely think it's because we tend to be a bit more pragmatic.

I opted out... if my next of kin say they still want my organs donated, will that happen regardless of my wishes?

@poolsidefashion what makes you think you can put that on me... "People will die if I don't donate!" when chances are , even if I was an organ donor, it wont happen. Most people who offer to donate organs never actually do. TBH, my death is likely to be at the bottom of a car park in a big mush. No good to anyone. And I do not want to live on in anyone else as any organ at all. That is my belief.

[quote XenoBitch]@poolsidefashion what makes you think you can put that on me... "People will die if I don't donate!" when chances are , even if I was an organ donor, it wont happen. Most people who offer to donate organs never actually do. TBH, my death is likely to be at the bottom of a car park in a big mush. No good to anyone. And I do not want to live on in anyone else as any organ at all. That is my belief.[/quote]
I’m not ‘putting it on you’, you made the choice so you’re putting it on yourself. and your choice is selfish.

Xeno are you ok? Serious question. Do reach out to someone if you need to talk. X

@poolsidefashion even though I gave fuck knows how many hours of service to the NHS. Yeah, I am selfish.

Anyone can have any bits of me which might be useful. I’ve consented to organ donation since I was 17 (Scotland.) I won’t be using them, and as I want to be cremated, they’d burn anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I am genuinely interested in why people opt out - especially when they’d be willing to accept a transplant.

@Mumguilt12

Xeno are you ok? Serious question. Do reach out to someone if you need to talk. X

Thanks. Just a little fed up with the "selfish" narrative that seems to get peddled with most things nowadays. More so from people who call me selfish when they have apply that to the teeny 1% chance of organ donation from me when they have no idea what else the rest of my life is like.

your and @XenoBitch attitude to organ donation is embarrassingly childish. it annoyed you that the government put something in place to save more lives and your response to that annoyance is to do everything you can to prevent lives being saved. It’s like the dog in the manger. Utterly spiteful and selfish

Nonsense. I’m more than happy to donate all of my organs. All I ask is that somebody asks my DH for the gift of my organs and it isn’t presumed that they can be taken

Well xeno you’ve made me realise that my DH is “kind” in other ways. Thinking about it, our kindness and methods to help others is quite different.

[quote Annoyedanddissapointed]@poolsidefashion did you just make a profile to be a cunt to someone? You have no right to talk to someone like that over a decision about their body. Whether that's while they are alive or dead.[/quote]
no I name change regularly but how weird of you to search me

Not as weird as you think.

[quote XenoBitch]@poolsidefashion even though I gave fuck knows how many hours of service to the NHS. Yeah, I am selfish.[/quote]
you work for the NHS? your choice is even more bizarre in that case! did you never come across patients who died needlessly? presumably not

@Annoyedanddissapointed

Not as weird as you think.

well that’s me told

Life and death is complicated and emotional and if someone doesn’t like the thought of their body being taken apart and given to a stranger then I get that. It’s really a personal choice OP, it’s far too deep a topic to call someone selfish over.

@poolsidefashion

No, but I was there for "organ harvesting" as it is called. Lights low, and no one talked. There is something that goes against everything in your soul when you have someone on the operating table that you are letting die, and not trying to save.
I have my beliefs about things.. and I do not want to live on in anyway shape or form, be that in spirit or a kidney. Please respect that.

@XenoBitch To the very best of my knowledge your wishes would be upheld as you have opted out- I.e. you are in the system as not wishing to donate therefore in the event of your death your next of kin wouldn't be approached, if you were referred on by ward staff then a quick search of the register would show you had opted out and it would go no further. However it is always worth telling your family/ next of kin your wishes too and emphasising that they respect them.

To reassure yourself and make sure that your wishes are respected it's always best to ask the experts (I'm not directly involved in consenting) so you can email or call NHSBT to clarify the position of opt out. Here's the relevant page of the website for opt out. The phone number should be easily accessible from there.
www.organdonation.nhs.uk/helping-you-to-decide/about-organ-donation/get-the-facts/

You don't have to justify your decision to anyone on here. It's not selfish to determine what you do with your body. It's the very definition of autonomy. I'd hate to work and live in a society where people's donation wishes were not respected. I'm on the donation register- except for my eyes because I'm too squeamish for that. I know exactly how important eye donation is but they're my eyes, my decision and that's that. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's not selfish to exercise your bodily autonomy.

Xenobitch - It is not called organ harvesting anymore, it’s is called organ retrieval. Your account does not match with my experience. Donation only goes ahead when death has already been confirmed. There is no reason why you would be trying to ‘save’ an already deceased patient. The donation and retrieval teams are also purposefully separate to the medical teams who have looked after that patient. Everyone I know working in organ donation and transplantation has the utmost respect and gratitude for the gift those donors and their families give. I am sorry it sounds as if you have had a difficult/stressful experience.