Organ donation

[Mumguilt12]

After a recent death in the family, Me and DH were chatting about our death and funeral plans etc. Cheery huh!

Anyway, I said the songs I wanted played at my funeral. And I am absolutely clear that if my organs can be donated, they should be. All of them.
If not, I’d like to donate my body to science. I’d like to be cremated.

He thinks organ donation is not nice. “I dont want them to cut me up etc” I am absolutely shocked by his negative feelings towards it.

I said if our kid needed a new heart, would he accept it and he said he would. Now I believe if you are willing to take, you should be willing to give.

He is certain that he finds it all a bit wrong and it’s not nice for the family left behind. I also said that I completely disagreed and I personally would find comfort in knowing my relative had saved a life.

I know it’s silly but a) if I go, I don’t trust him to follow my wishes b) I’m judging him. How can you not want to help a sick person?! I don’t get it.

He comes from a religious family although himself is not really into it (other than a general belief in god). Not sure if that’s part of his thoughts.

It’s really made me look at him in a different light. AIBU?

It’s times like these that I think we are really not compatible. I really value kindness and thinking of others and he… really doesn’t.

We don't know what happens after death or whether being hacked to pieces will harm us in the afterlife.

When organs are harvested the donor is treated with the utmost care and respect, they are not ‘hacked to pieces’. Probably even more so than the average surgery as everyone in the room appreciates the enormity of the decisions behind this and has the utmost respect.

I do and don’t disagree with your other point regarding cremation. Personally I believe the spirit (or whatever it is) ‘hangs around’ for roughly three days. It’s so hard to explain, but after a few days bodies change and I’m not talking about the natural decomposition process, it’s something else. It takes a while for the essence/spirit (whatever) to leave then the body is definitely a shell. Personally, I don’t believe that missing organs makes any difference at all to that mysterious element I struggle to describe. The afterlife though, if it exists, I have no idea. I think on the basis that if there is a good place/bad place and if you are not in ‘the good place’ because you gave your organs to enable someone’s life to continue then the decision maker must be quite a cunt and maybe ‘the bad place’ may be the better fit?

Should have added, I’m more than happy to be cremated. Personally, I would just want it to be after 3 days post death. What others believe or think is equally as valid though obviously.

@HarrietsChariot

No way would I want my organs harvested when I die. We don't know what happens after death or whether being hacked to pieces will harm us in the afterlife. There's a substantial school of unsubstiated thought that shows that cremation is bad enough, because it destroys the body too quickly and violently.

Obviously I'll happily accept a donor organ if I ever need one. It's not a contradictory thought process, the idea that I'll accept one but not give one, no more than saying I'll accept medical advice from a doctor but don't give out medical advice myself.

Fair enough but your a analogy is terrible. It's more like accepting free clothes when your completely down and out, but not wanting to donate your own old clothes.

Because you're not qualified to give out medical advice, but anyone is capable of donating an organ.

@HarrietsChariot

No way would I want my organs harvested when I die. We don't know what happens after death or whether being hacked to pieces will harm us in the afterlife. There's a substantial school of unsubstiated thought that shows that cremation is bad enough, because it destroys the body too quickly and violently.

Obviously I'll happily accept a donor organ if I ever need one. It's not a contradictory thought process, the idea that I'll accept one but not give one, no more than saying I'll accept medical advice from a doctor but don't give out medical advice myself.

I think that if you opt out of organ donation then you should also have to opt out of receiving an organ. Seems fair enough to me.

I think that if you opt out of organ donation then you should also have to opt out of receiving an organ. Seems fair enough to me.

How often must this facile and childish opinion be trotted out before people realise that's not how our NHS works and how dangerous it is?

@Lockheart

I think that if you opt out of organ donation then you should also have to opt out of receiving an organ. Seems fair enough to me.

How often must this facile and childish opinion be trotted out before people realise that's not how our NHS works and how dangerous it is?

So some crackpot like the PP thinks it's Ok to take an organ but wouldn't donate one and that's OK with you is it? I get that it's probably not possible but it's what I'd like to see, with obvious exceptions for those who are unable to donate for actual reasons not some afterlife bollocks. Get off your high horse.

I agree. It shouldn't be opt out- you get nothing.

Some people opt out of many things, still get them.

Healthcare should be in no way based on tit for tat and whoever would be happy with that should think long and hard about whether they really are these "good and kiiiind" people they claim to be

So some crackpot like the PP thinks it's Ok to take an organ but wouldn't donate one and that's OK with you is it? I get that it's probably not possible but it's what I'd like to see, with obvious exceptions for those who are unable to donate for actual reasons not some afterlife bollocks. Get off your high horse.

The NHS goes by clinical need, not moral conduct.

They can't present a hypothetical scenario to someone and make a judgement about their medical care based on them providing the acceptable answer.

Im happy to give mine.DH isn’t and won’t talk about serious stuff.

He hasn’t opted out so if he dies, ive decided they go to someone who needs them.

So some crackpot like the PP thinks it's Ok to take an organ but wouldn't donate one and that's OK with you is it? I get that it's probably not possible but it's what I'd like to see, with obvious exceptions for those who are unable to donate for actual reasons not some afterlife bollocks. Get off your high horse.

Of course it's ok!

1. the NHS treats on the basis of need, not on moral judgements. If you need an organ the most, you'll be top of the list, regardless if you're a donor yourself.

2. organ donation is a donation, it's not compulsory nor should it be expected. It is not a condition of receiving medical treatment, including receiving an organ.

3. who else do we deny treatment to on the basis that they don't "give" enough? Do we bump the rich to the top of the waiting lists on the basis that they pay more tax than the poor and therefore "give" more to the NHS?

4. even if you are on the register, the likelihood of your organs being used is tiny. There's nothing to feel particularly virtuous about.

@Lockheart

So some crackpot like the PP thinks it's Ok to take an organ but wouldn't donate one and that's OK with you is it? I get that it's probably not possible but it's what I'd like to see, with obvious exceptions for those who are unable to donate for actual reasons not some afterlife bollocks. Get off your high horse.

Of course it's ok!

1. the NHS treats on the basis of need, not on moral judgements. If you need an organ the most, you'll be top of the list, regardless if you're a donor yourself.

2. organ donation is a donation, it's not compulsory nor should it be expected. It is not a condition of receiving medical treatment, including receiving an organ.

3. who else do we deny treatment to on the basis that they don't "give" enough? Do we bump the rich to the top of the waiting lists on the basis that they pay more tax than the poor and therefore "give" more to the NHS?

4. even if you are on the register, the likelihood of your organs being used is tiny. There's nothing to feel particularly virtuous about.

You're right of course but as someone who's Dad is on the kidney transplant waiting list it's a bit of a touchy subject for me, sorry.

I'm donating my organs, so is my partner and my adult son.

@Mumguilt12

I’m pretty sure deep down it’s just squeamish thoughts (80%) and a belief in afterlife (20%)

I guarantee if I go first, he would feel uncomfortable with letting go any or all of my organs. He’s made particular comments about they eyes/cornea donation.

I have agreed to everything being donated but not eyes/corneal because I need to see where I'm going in the afterlife. I fully appreciate its stupid and my physical body won't be going with me but I can't get past it.

They do say eyes are windows into the soul. Thinking about it, yeah it feels weird to imagine someone else having their parts. Can it be because we see them, unlike other bits, so there is bigger attachment emotionally?
And aww at seeing where you going. I actually like that.

People choose not to donate for all sorts of reasons. I will be donating my organs, but it’s my choice, and I respect other people’s choices to not want to be a doner.

I always carried an organ donor card but I don't like the having to opt out now either, why should the assumption be that others can just take body parts unless you specificallysay no? I still think it should be the other way round.

I’d donate my body to medical science or a cadaver farm but not organ donation to others.

Am I kind or a selfish arsehole hmmm.

Dh doesn’t agree with me donating my body to science or the farm so I guess I’m keeping everything though unless he goes first.

My spiritual beliefs are that my soul won't leave my body until my heart stops and I am cold. So if they invent a way to harvest after that then that's cool with me, unfortunately as it is I have had to opt out for religious/spirituality needs.

@Horst

I’d donate my body to medical science or a cadaver farm but not organ donation to others.

Am I kind or a selfish arsehole hmmm.

Dh doesn’t agree with me donating my body to science or the farm so I guess I’m keeping everything though unless he goes first.

What on earth is your reasoning behind that?

@RedHelenB that is not the assumption at all. Nobody is going to take body parts because you have not opted out. What is the issue with people feeling they are being dictated to. It's ridiculous. Go onto the NHSBT website and educate yourself and then click on the link that takes 2 seconds and opt out.

To make it clear in the rare likelihood you are in a position to donate organs your family will be spoken to first and your end of life wishes established. To make it easy for your family to make that decision have the conversation and register your decision.

[quote Robgem81]@RedHelenB that is not the assumption at all. Nobody is going to take body parts because you have not opted out. What is the issue with people feeling they are being dictated to. It's ridiculous. Go onto the NHSBT website and educate yourself and then click on the link that takes 2 seconds and opt out.

To make it clear in the rare likelihood you are in a position to donate organs your family will be spoken to first and your end of life wishes established. To make it easy for your family to make that decision have the conversation and register your decision. [/quote]
The assumption now is that you are willing to be a donor unless you opt out or your family object. Previously it was the other way around and I still think it should be. As I said I carried a donor card.

The assumption now is that you are willing to be a donor unless you opt out or your family object.

The purpose of the opt out is that it makes it easier for families to consent to donation. Someone who hasn’t opted out or told their family they didn’t want to donate most likely didn’t feel strongly that they didn’t want to be a donor.

Buttons294749 My spiritual beliefs are that my soul won't leave my body until my heart stops and I am cold. So if they invent a way to harvest after that then that's cool with me, unfortunately as it is I have had to opt out for religious/spirituality needs.

I’m in no way having a go, genuinely curious. I don’t understand what you are saying, could you expand further? Is it that your soul wont leave your body if your organs in general are gone before your heart stops, or are you specifically referring to donating your heart in that your soul could never leave your dead body if your beating heart resides in another body? If it’s organs in general, how does that fit with things that are often taken out during life such as appendix and tonsils? Again, in no way disagreeing with you, would really like to understand what’s behind your beliefs.

@PurpleDaisies

I'm on the register so the opt out system doesn't affect me (but I am not that keen on it - I don't think consent should be assumed).

Sorry, I might be being slow-which register fo you mean?

I have registered as an organ donor. I've had a donor card since I was about 18.

(so what I meant was, I've opted in, so am not affected by an assumed opt in)