Just sat outside in my car

[Memoriesofanoldlife]

No idea what to do.
Dd, 3, has started pre school a couple of weeks ago, she cries not to go, cries when she gets there, not too bad when I pick her up, still says she doesn’t like it there.
Today when getting her ready, she again said she didn’t want to go, she said she doesn’t like the teachers because they always shout at her. I asked her why they shout and she said because she won’t sit down and keeps blowing raspberries etc.
She’s really bright, but also a stubborn bugger and fights against doing anything she doesn’t want to. I’ve been struggling with her since around spring, when she became really strong.
She takes a long time to go to sleep and her tiredness definitely affects her behaviour.
She doesn’t understand why she has to sit down if she doesn’t want to and says she’s worried to do plasticine and activities etc at the table.
I feel really sad for her, but also being a teacher, understand the job they have to do and how she’s probably difficult for them.
I’m trying to be extra strict/firm with her.
Just sat here crying as no idea where I’ve gone wrong. My friends kids all started at different pre schools and they’re all loving the freedom, I’ve barely had any as pick her up early as know how things will have gone.
Do I persevere? Is she maybe too young and I try again next September? (Where we are they don’t start school until 6, so it would be pre school) I’m currently a Sahm so she doesn’t *Have to go or should I keep on.

A couple of weeks really is early days and some children need a bit longer to settle. Preschool really is good for young children’s PSED development. I’m sure she’s not expected to sit still for long periods, maybe to have a story/circle time/register taken and obviously at snack/lunch times. Early Years Professionals know that young children only have a limited time they can sit for. You need to speak to her key person before you make any big decisions imo.

@HikingforScenery Yes, I don’t display it to her, I keep things positive and light, but she’s been just randomly bringing bits up during the day about how she doesn’t want to go and why

@Robotcustard I know, that’s why I was sticking with it, but I almost feel like I’d be punishing her by continuing to do it much longer

She will be fine but from my experience, maybe nursery isn’t the right setting for her. Dd2&3 loved nursery but it wasn’t for dd1. Always follow your gut. People will have opinions and that’s fine but only you know your dc fully and you need to do what you feel is right. I still remember picking dd1 up from the cm on her first day and she was my happily little girl again. Honestly, I didn’t really gel with the cm myself but I could see she loved dd and dd loved her so it didn’t matter that we weren’t friends (possibly easier as it was a business arrangement).

Does it mean she’s worried about the teacher if she starts to cry when she sees her? That’s the moment she cries each time, it’s a soft, vulnerable cry 😢

Not many 3 year olds can sit still in their chairs and do tasks for long periods of time can they? So surely the teachers must be taking this into account when setting tasks? I haven't read the full thread but how about just sending her in 2 days a week to start with? Apologies if someone has already suggested this.

To be honest I'd persevere

6 is a way off and she needs to get used to the idea

Try to arrange a meeting with the staff to talk things thru

It's a long time since I had anything to do with any school system, but does she absolutely have to go to school "proper" at her age? Is there no such thing as nursery or play-school any more, where she wouldn't have to go full-time and might adapt better, @Memoriesofanoldlife? Or have I misunderstood you completely? If you happen to be in France, my advice would be to leave her be at home as long as you can, they are the most impossibly regimented, dictatorial, un-child-friendly disciplinarians I've ever had the misfortune to come across and I'd be constantly blowing raspberries if I were her (I'm 65).

@Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver Not France..she’s only in two mornings a week, I thought a small amount of time would be good for her, but it hasn’t been so far. Here they have pre school 3-5/6 then proper school starts. When I was 3 my mum took me to playgroup once a week I think just for a play and I started school at 4/5. I so wish they had similar where we are, but sadly they don’t.

im very biased as we home ed as im very agaist the school system and all it stand for
but why send her if you and her are unhappy?

she does "have to" ,trouble is people are so conditioned to think nursery at 3 school at 4 to 16 is a must or they have to do it lie it or not

there is another legal option of home education from any age

@TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY Yes, I’ve pondered it, being a teacher, but it’s the social side and I actually enjoyed school and hope it can be a positive experience for her.
She has play dates but I think she’ll need more as she gets older

[quote Coyoacan]@PumpkinsGalore

Why would it make parents feel insufficient and question themselves?

My dgd went to preschool and loved it. But certainly that was the reason given here in Mexico when preschool was made obligatory.

Do you really think this OP's little girl needs to be subjected to such daily stress?

The other thing I forgot to mention is that at my dgd's kinder, children got over crying and reluctance to enter after three days. None of them was crying weeks later[/quote]
I was t talking about OP's little girl nor the situation. I was referring to the ridiculous suggestion that pre school is only for neglected children! If you'd bothered to read my previous comments, you'll see that I strongly suggested she keep her off another year

Yes, of course you are right re Covid. I wasn’t thinking. The staff should speak to you though. I would give it another two weeks and then perhaps take her out for a while. In the meantime could you encouraged some role play and get her to model how to sit “ Like at Nursery”. Encourage her to sit for short periods. They will expect the children to sit still for snack, story time, before going outside. I have worked in private and attached to school nurseries and children are expected to sit for ten minutes. If she is a strong character she maybe reacting to the teacher because the teacher is in control and your DD finds that difficult. By practising she can work out what is expected of her and relax more. The teacher may be shouting across the room rather than shouting at her when near her.
I would want to speak to the staff member in charge by phone if necessary to find out how they think she is settling. Give her activities where she needs to sit still for short periods and role play for both of you. Let her be in charge sometimes and you be the nursery child while she is the teacher. I hope it works out for you.

I’m definitely taking her out. She just mentioning things all the time about not wanting to go to nursery now, without the subject coming up. She also has wet herself and the bed a few times and didn’t do this previously.
I’ve talked to her and said perhaps when she’s a bit bigger she’ll be ready to pre school, school, she said she doesn’t want to go or do another one 🥲I don’t want it to ruin her experience of it all.
I’ll have to arrange a meeting for next week and tell them.
I’m hoping her memory of it all will game faded by next year/the year after?
She just keeps saying the teachers aren’t nice and shout at her to ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that’ she says it’s too noisy and she doesn’t understand and says she just wants to relax ? What does she mean by that

Aw poor you, it feels terrible when your child is upset.

I'm so glad you're taking her out.

I think she's communicated very well that nursery is not for her, clever girl.

I wouldn't over analyse what she's saying, just give her time to settle after this upset and to regain her confidence.

And she's right, nurseries are very noisy and the teachers do give a lot of instructions.

@Memoriesofanoldlife

I’m definitely taking her out. She just mentioning things all the time about not wanting to go to nursery now, without the subject coming up. She also has wet herself and the bed a few times and didn’t do this previously. I’ve talked to her and said perhaps when she’s a bit bigger she’ll be ready to pre school, school, she said she doesn’t want to go or do another one 🥲I don’t want it to ruin her experience of it all. I’ll have to arrange a meeting for next week and tell them. I’m hoping her memory of it all will game faded by next year/the year after? She just keeps saying the teachers aren’t nice and shout at her to ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that’ she says it’s too noisy and she doesn’t understand and says she just wants to relax ? What does she mean by that

I'm glad you have taken her out, Memories.

Your little individual is just not yet ready.

At three, such places should be staffed by kind people, not shouty.

I hope wherever she attends next year is more congenial. You have time to look around and, as you are a teacher, you can encourage her to learn at home.

Good luck to both of you.

@Plumtree391 @50ShadesOfCatholic Thank you 🙏 💐

Bless her. She's lucky to have such a caring and proactive mum!
Good idea taking her out. Just try again another year. Maybe a different building or school?

Do what's best for you

But all the other children seem to be able to

But she isn’t other children, she’s your DD and still very young.

I understand the advice to persevere, I did with my DD and it worked but I knew her personality would adjust to the environment. It doesn’t sound like your DD is ready and needs more time. You could try building in some preschool type expectations into your current routine.

Take a deep breath and resist the urge to compare her to other kids. It’s far to soon to be applying labels and jumping to conclusions.

[quote Memoriesofanoldlife]@TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY Yes, I’ve pondered it, being a teacher, but it’s the social side and I actually enjoyed school and hope it can be a positive experience for her.
She has play dates but I think she’ll need more as she gets older[/quote]
If she needs more social later then that's fine as she will enjoy it then.

I home schooled mine till 8, they were fine but my DD was a homebird, didn't want sleepovers even with her gran. She is 30 now, has travelled to North America, South America, Africa, North Africa, India, China, Australia, New Zealand, Russia and has done voluntary work in some of them.

Doing voluntary work she lived in the same accommodation as locals and as someone who phoned me from 200 miles away at uni having hysterics about a spider she coped with spiders, cockroaches and snakes. Oh did I mention my very fussy eater daughter who was threatened with hospital and tube feeding at 4 or 5 as she was so underweight and would only eat a very limited diet managed to survive 2 months living on potato curry as that was all the volunteers were offered.

It is early days, too soon to worry about it all. She will work it all out when the time is right and what is right for her. I spent too much time worrying and little did I know that I'd go from worrying about her never leaving my side to worrying about how she was surviving in some remote place. Just enjoy her for now and remember one day you will look back and remember all the fun you have with her being her first and most important teacher.

@Memoriesofanoldlife

Does it mean she’s worried about the teacher if she starts to cry when she sees her? That’s the moment she cries each time, it’s a soft, vulnerable cry 😢

Just realised that rings a bell with me. I went to my local Catholic school, our nuns seemed to defy the stereotype and were kind and patient. My parents moved for business reasons and I was put in the local school, I settled well but it was decided I was ahead of the children I was with and moved to another class, not sure if it was another year or just another class. Well I was 6 and I started to cry, I can remember it so well over 60 years later.

The more upset I got the less patience the teacher had, they decided the answer was to move me again, I think that teacher wanted to get rid of me. Well I cried more. I'm sure now I'd be getting some sort of psychological support but everyone just got more and more annoyed with me. I'd done a year and a term at my first school, half a term with the new teacher at the new school, half a term with the next teacher and then a term with the next teacher. So in two years I had two schools and 5 teachers, I think I was unsettled!

Eventually the year ended, six weeks of freedom and during that summer a place came up at the nearest Catholic school and my parents moved me. I think it was purely a religious decision and not because they thought Catholic schools were kinder and in fact this school was more the stereotype of a strict school where the nuns would cane us. But I was happy. It must have been the break and then a new place but I never cried at school again.

I hope a break has the same effect for your DD.