Just sat outside in my car

[Memoriesofanoldlife]

No idea what to do.
Dd, 3, has started pre school a couple of weeks ago, she cries not to go, cries when she gets there, not too bad when I pick her up, still says she doesn’t like it there.
Today when getting her ready, she again said she didn’t want to go, she said she doesn’t like the teachers because they always shout at her. I asked her why they shout and she said because she won’t sit down and keeps blowing raspberries etc.
She’s really bright, but also a stubborn bugger and fights against doing anything she doesn’t want to. I’ve been struggling with her since around spring, when she became really strong.
She takes a long time to go to sleep and her tiredness definitely affects her behaviour.
She doesn’t understand why she has to sit down if she doesn’t want to and says she’s worried to do plasticine and activities etc at the table.
I feel really sad for her, but also being a teacher, understand the job they have to do and how she’s probably difficult for them.
I’m trying to be extra strict/firm with her.
Just sat here crying as no idea where I’ve gone wrong. My friends kids all started at different pre schools and they’re all loving the freedom, I’ve barely had any as pick her up early as know how things will have gone.
Do I persevere? Is she maybe too young and I try again next September? (Where we are they don’t start school until 6, so it would be pre school) I’m currently a Sahm so she doesn’t *Have to go or should I keep on.

Its so hard as I don’t know if my girl, although brilliant and a lovely girl, is just badly behaved and would benefit from the discipline or is just being a strong willed 3 year old

I remember my dd crying and having to peel her off my leg when taking her to school.
It seems harsh now but I had no choice as I had to go to work.

She’s a well adjusted adult now, just finished university.

some possible early signs of adhd there as she's obviously bright but if she finds it difficult to follow instructions/sit still etc

Oh come on. Probable signs of being 3 years old. Let’s not worry the OP unnecessarily at this point. I bet most of us would see “probable early signs” of ADHD or ASD if we watched our toddlers closely enough. It is how they are wired.

@Memoriesofanoldlife you know your child best. Nobody should be shouting at your child in nursery. Before deciding whether to pull her out, have a chat with the staff, discuss what the issues are and how you can work as a team to see if they can be resolved. Not sitting down is one thing, but the blowing raspberries is just plain rude. No matter how bright and headstrong a child, that is not acceptable. A couple of weeks is a short time to be giving up.

Have you tried “playing nursery” at home?

I'd keep her at home a while longer OP, she's great how she is, school is all about fitting in and if she just is too young or for some other reason cannot fit in just yet, time with you is the best thing. Otherwise she might feel like there's something wrong with who she is, and there isn't. She just needs time.

@Redsquirrel5 They don’t give much feedback to be honest, I’ve said to please tell me if there’s any problems.
I can barely get through the doors because of covid regulations, not sure they’d let me sit in

Find a practitioner who has practices a more pedogogic, child centred approach.

and would benefit from the discipline or is just being a strong willed 3 year old

Even strong willed 3 year olds benefit from discipline!

There’s no point in pushing her she doesn’t sound ready or find her a more free flow easy going version.

'is just badly behaved and would benefit from the discipline'

No child, badly behaved or otherwise, will benefit from being put in a situation they can't cope with and then being shouted at when they fail to follow the rules/procedures.

She needs discipline yes, but it needs to be age and maturity level appropriate and constructive.

I agree the blowing raspberries is not allowed and we struggle so hard with this at home and have told her time and time again not to do it.
She told me she was just trying to make one of the other little girls laugh ☹️She’s seen it on Bluey or somewhere and started to do it all the time, we’re trying so hard to stop it.
She just said she was worried/nervous to sit at the table, she’s really bright so wouldn’t be worried to do plasticine, so I don’t understand it

OP take her out. She doesn’t need to be there and she is hating it.

You could try a forest school or local home education groups. The one where I am put on loads of activities for even nursery aged DC

@BoredZelda Yes, I agree on the shouting, they’re very strict where we are
I’m just so upset as don’t know if it’s just my child being a naughty (know we shouldn’t use that word) bugger and she needs discipline or if there are issues behind it or she’s simply just too young

I'd keep her at home with your for another year. Perhaps there is somewhere she can go once or twice a week before then, or mornings, but for the bulk of the time, she will benefit from being at with mum.

A year will make all the difference in the world.

I would look for a more play based pre school. We sent my daughter to an outdoor school. She learned to be in a group and follow a teacher’s instructions while literally making mud-pies in the outdoor kitchen.

@BoredZelda Of course she needs discipline and gets it from us, but on the other hand I don’t want her being scared to death/amicus and to be somewhere she’s really miserable

*anxious

Oh and if you can’t find a more relaxed school, take her out for a year and just do lots of activities including at least a couple that are teacher led like a gymnastics class.

Shouting at her is horrible. You only get one chance to create a positive first association with education and it’s incredibly hard to undo if it’s done badly. Take her out before she learns to hate school at 3 years old.

So many different opinions

Mine took about 8 weeks before he stopped crying and then stopped grumbling and loves it now.

He is similarly difficult about sitting still, the staff persevere and very very slowly he’s getting a tiny bit better. They don’t force him to be involved in the activities, but try to encourage him to join in. He doesn’t get disciplined for not joining in. Sometimes he does, sometimes wanders off and does his own thing. Your pre school possibly sounds abit strict and formal.

Maybe persevere abit longer and if things don’t improve look for another pre school with a different approach.

My answer has possibly changed depending where you are abroad. I know when I lived in a different country the expectations of young children to sit and behave was very old fashioned and different to the uk. Dd1 coped fine and it was inline with what they'd be expected to progress to if staying in that school system but not what we do here in the uk at all. There are suggestions such as forest school or Montessori but are these even available?

She says they just always tell her to sit down and shout at her to sit down
It’s strange as she says she doesn’t want to go as we’re going but doesn’t cry. She cries the minute she sees her teacher, but I’ve been told by friends she’s the nicest teacher in the nursery and she does seem very kind.
I’m not sure, my Dd hasn’t been being very ‘Nice’ since spring really 😢don’t know where I’m going wrong

She also said one day that she doesn’t want to be *Kind she was so lovely, she just changed

@liveforsummer Where were you if you don’t mind me asking?

@Memoriesofanoldlife Cyprus