Just sat outside in my car

[Memoriesofanoldlife]

No idea what to do.
Dd, 3, has started pre school a couple of weeks ago, she cries not to go, cries when she gets there, not too bad when I pick her up, still says she doesn’t like it there.
Today when getting her ready, she again said she didn’t want to go, she said she doesn’t like the teachers because they always shout at her. I asked her why they shout and she said because she won’t sit down and keeps blowing raspberries etc.
She’s really bright, but also a stubborn bugger and fights against doing anything she doesn’t want to. I’ve been struggling with her since around spring, when she became really strong.
She takes a long time to go to sleep and her tiredness definitely affects her behaviour.
She doesn’t understand why she has to sit down if she doesn’t want to and says she’s worried to do plasticine and activities etc at the table.
I feel really sad for her, but also being a teacher, understand the job they have to do and how she’s probably difficult for them.
I’m trying to be extra strict/firm with her.
Just sat here crying as no idea where I’ve gone wrong. My friends kids all started at different pre schools and they’re all loving the freedom, I’ve barely had any as pick her up early as know how things will have gone.
Do I persevere? Is she maybe too young and I try again next September? (Where we are they don’t start school until 6, so it would be pre school) I’m currently a Sahm so she doesn’t *Have to go or should I keep on.

[quote Memoriesofanoldlife]@lubeybooby What would I do in this case? The blowing raspberries etc just comes across as naughty, but it’s like she can’t stop it? Is that a sign?[/quote]
I wouldn't have thought so (blowing raspberries sounds quite sweet to me actually but I suppose it depends on context); try not to label your daughter too soon, she is herself.

Mine went to 'kindergarten' at three - he was four in the September. He only attended mornings for the first term and enjoyed that. I had previously tried him with a nursery for two days a week but he hated it, I was also not entirely happy with the place so took him out.

Playgroup for two mornings a week was OK.

I think putting a child into a school type setting all day aged three is a bit much though I've no doubt some take to it. Children are individuals.

Yes I do think there is a great difference between being three and four years old.

Carry on at home, your daughter can learn and have fun at home with you. This time next year she will be different.

Apologies if this has been recommended upthread, but the book 'How Toddlers Thrive' by Tovah Klein was a life saver for me and dealing with my independent minded todder. Relevant for helping for 2--5 years olds...

I think it's much too early to install a child of 3 into a school. All the things that they do there, can be done at home with a parent/parents.
By the time that they are five, they will have grown, and be more aware of having to go to school. and learn about having good behaviour, and following some rules within the school environment.

I wouldn't be comparing your child, to others at all, as that is a no no.

I’d take her out and try again next year. She’s so little and if you have great times together then do so! Young children’s bodies are not designed to sit still - they need to move and play as that’s how they learn about themselves and their environment.
It’s only around age 7 that they can comfortably sit and work for longer periods of time, and probably the reason they only start school at age 6 in your country. My home country is similar and my kids go to school here that is the same.
Please let her play!

@Memoriesofanoldlife - how did she do in her developmental check ups? Do you ever get the impression she is 'different' to other children?

I am not diagnosing at all but your situation does remind me of my little boy. Everyone I knew their DC settled into nursery very easily. My DS didn't at all. I took him out after 4 weeks as it was causing him so much distress. I tried another nursery but he struggled again. It turns out he is Autistic. This may very well not be the case for your DD but might just be something to keep an eye on.

since a little before turning 3, she’s become really strong and hard work, we have a battle of wills daily at the moment and I’m having to be stricter and stricter, so I can imagine she’s hard work there, hence the teachers being cross

I'm sorry but I would give it a bit longer. Teachers are perfectly placed to teach her these lessons. She sounds as it she is ready to learn them.

I'd concentrate on reminding her that they way to stop teachers shouting is to do what they ask the first time round.

Its so hard as I don’t know if my girl, although brilliant and a lovely girl, is just badly behaved and would benefit from the discipline or is just being a strong willed 3 year old

What is the difference between benefiting from the discipline and just being a strong willed 3 year old?

I'd guess teachers are better places at giving these lessons.

I suggest you wait another year and do not just increase discipline when she misbehaves either. Too much discipline just creates rebellion.

Pre-school is primarily designed to help children from deprived backgrounds who need the extra stimulation which does not apply to your child.

I was made to go rather than being kept back a year (birthday Aug 30) and whilst I loved infant & primary.... OMG I was a quivering mess in Year 7. I cried all day every day. Please keep her back a year.

Also I would've done a thousand times better academically had I have waited a year.

@Coyoacan

I suggest you wait another year and do not just increase discipline when she misbehaves either. Too much discipline just creates rebellion.

Pre-school is primarily designed to help children from deprived backgrounds who need the extra stimulation which does not apply to your child.

Pre-school is primarily designed to help children from deprived backgrounds who need the extra stimulation

What an absolute load of ridiculous tosh!!!!!!

Pre-school is to prepare ALL children for socialising with other children (besides their siblings) and to prepare them for the school day schedule.

@Coyoacan Please don't peddle such pretentious nonsense. All it does is make mothers (& fathers) who are doing the best by their child, feel insufficient and question themselves

@PumpkinsGalore

Why would it make parents feel insufficient and question themselves?

My dgd went to preschool and loved it. But certainly that was the reason given here in Mexico when preschool was made obligatory.

Do you really think this OP's little girl needs to be subjected to such daily stress?

The other thing I forgot to mention is that at my dgd's kinder, children got over crying and reluctance to enter after three days. None of them was crying weeks later

I’m here with her now, and much as I adore her, I admit that’s she’s exhausting, deep down I was looking forward to just a small break. I can see why they’d get frustrated with her, she sometimes isn’t easy! She’s very intense, demands a lot of my time and never, ever stops talking. I love her and know how to be with her, I worry if the teachers don’t

Could you look into getting a nanny?

If you'd like the socialising aspect maybe look at a more relaxed setting.
My little boy goes to a curiosity approach nursery and it is so free flow, the kids can do what they're interested in and aren't asked to sit and do activities (although they are available and set out for them if they'd like to and lots of them do). My little boy would not sit at a table to do something for more than 10 minutes - he likes to run and spends the majority of his time in their garden! They have so long to sit at tables, I love the more relaxed approach and they really nurture their individual interests rather than trying to do a one size fits all

I forgot to say though, our setting does not shout! They encourage kind hands and words but they don't raise their voices. There are ways to discipline and reinforce correct behaviour without shouting. I don't shout at home and wouldn't accept shouting at nursery - to me it's a sign they've lost control.
(Obviously if he's about to do something ridiculously dangerous sometimes a shout is quickest way to stop in tracks)

[quote Coyoacan]@PumpkinsGalore

Why would it make parents feel insufficient and question themselves?

My dgd went to preschool and loved it. But certainly that was the reason given here in Mexico when preschool was made obligatory.

Do you really think this OP's little girl needs to be subjected to such daily stress?

The other thing I forgot to mention is that at my dgd's kinder, children got over crying and reluctance to enter after three days. None of them was crying weeks later[/quote]
And that is the reasoning behind giving 2 year olds from low income families free nursery places. It's not the only purpose of a nursery but it does have that function too.

@Memoriesofanoldlife

I’m here with her now, and much as I adore her, I admit that’s she’s exhausting, deep down I was looking forward to just a small break. I can see why they’d get frustrated with her, she sometimes isn’t easy! She’s very intense, demands a lot of my time and never, ever stops talking. I love her and know how to be with her, I worry if the teachers don’t

I can understand you wanting a break.

If you can find somewhere that suits her and will take her for a couple of days, that would help you.

@Rinoachicken

You posted about this recently.

I think tbh she’s not happy there, for whatever reason, and now has bad associations with nursery and you are also very anxious about her being in nursery, if she’s ready for it etc.

Just pull her out, have a break and perhaps try again after Christmas in a different setting.

yep, looks like we're going to be treated to the same thread every week with a different user name. Lets hope that at some stage the child learns to stop spitting at people "blowing raspberries" and either the threads will stop, or we're less likely to recognise that it's the same recycled thread as the week before.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4345519-Won-t-tell-me-what-happened

Trust your gut. Dd is now 13 but she cried so much at nursery that even in the photo they gave me saying “I had a great time at nursery” she was crying. I laugh at that now but at the time I couldn’t understand what happened to my happy, confident little girl. I pulled her out after 6 weeks (gave 4 weeks notice) and moved her to a cm. she absolutely flourished and went back to nursery a year later (a mix of cm and nursery until cm gave up as she had to move away). Even the setting with the best ofsted might not be the right place for your dc.

Looking at secondary schools 2 years ago I took dd to look around at about 6 and there was only one where her shoulders relaxed and she looked excited. I knew we had to follow her lead in making the choice even at this stage and despite others saying the other school is better (ofsted says so but based on a technicality rather than children’s happiness). She’s starting year 9 and I have no doubt it’s the right school for her.

Can't believe they are shouting at a 3 year old. Sounds awful - and the fact that she's worried about doing her craftwork at the table suggests it's affecting her confidence which is not good at all. I'd pull her out and investigate different options.

@ThinWomansBrain Sorry?

Yes I did post last week, is that ok? Am I allowed to ask for advice? Everyone’s advised me to try to keep her a few weeks in the hope that she’ll settle. So yes I did post last week.

What a horrible thing to write

@m0therofdragons Exactly the same here. They have an app we can follow with what they had for lunch, snack etc and a little of what they did that day. I was so upset at the photo of her as they were all sat around in a circle, she was looking down and just looked so very sad and like she’d been crying.
I sent it to my mum and she asked me how I thought Dd looked in the photo, mum said she’d never seen her sad before like that.

I’m taking her out.

I’m not sure how notice works, will have to have a meeting, but she won’t stay any longer. I paid a deposit and paid at the start of the month for September.

@Noodella18 I know 😢I feel really guilty for even putting her there now, I thought it would be fantastic, she was so excited to go

Just remember that children are good at picking up emotions. If she’s coming out to meet you anxious and waiting to hear how negative her day has been, that could contribute on some level, I think