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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to death of being told I look young

333 replies

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:11

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

OP posts:
BobsBurgersisthebest · 16/09/2021 21:13

You'll be thanking your genetics when you're 50 Grin

Mischance · 16/09/2021 21:13

One day you will be glad if people say that!

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:15

Yes I’m sure you’re right, I should embrace it!
It’s just the stupid questions “So do you live with your parents?”

But I guess it’s the cute and the making assumptions about what music etc I like that’s more annoying.

OP posts:
MrsFin · 16/09/2021 21:15

That was me 30 years ago! I got away with childs fare on the bus in my 20s but also had to show ID until I was almost 30.
I'm now nearly 60, but people think I'm a lot younger.

Dita73 · 16/09/2021 21:17

If that’s all you’ve got to worry you then you’re living the dream

OttilieKnackered · 16/09/2021 21:17

Please tell us more about how hard it is looking so young and attractive.

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:17

Same, I got asked if it was a child’s fare on my 30th birthday funnily.

I’m sure I will enjoy it when I am older but I despise this fixation with looking younger, there’s nothing at all wrong with looking your age.

Maybe I’m just miserable but I do get irritated when these 20 year olds at his work refer to me like I’m some sort of puppy.

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 16/09/2021 21:17

Yeah I used to hate it. Now I’m mid-40s and no one ever says it anymore. Would just love it if someone even said I don’t look my age (never mind looking ‘young’).

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:18

I wish it was all I had to worry about!

I haven’t mentioned ‘attractive’ anywhere. I don’t really want to be mistaken for a teenager, I get some people do but it isn’t for everyone.

OP posts:
LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy · 16/09/2021 21:18

You sound like you have issues concerning your partners female work colleagues. I'd deal with those first and then everything else might not bother you as much.

Blue4YOU · 16/09/2021 21:19

I sort of understand OP.
Before my hair started turning WHITE in places I’ve been told by 30 year old guys I look like I’m 24 (when they’d already talked down to me), been generally talked down to for much of my life (especially out of work when they get to know me).
I’m 46. I still get people guessing I’m 30.
And that’s because I’m a gobby cow. Not because I “look” an age.
People are idiots.
I’m guessing you are very petite which is why you get condescending comments, I expect.
Tell them to shut the cunting fuck up once or twice. They’ll reconsider

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:19

I don’t really know them at all I mean I’ve never had a conversation. I just find them a bit patronising and I hate the whole ‘awww she’s so cute’ thing.
I shouldn’t care what they say though

OP posts:
CoffeeRunner · 16/09/2021 21:20

Yeah I'm 46. The annoyance at being ID'd has long since been replaced by a slight confidence boost whenever someone is surprised by my age.

Grin
RandomMess · 16/09/2021 21:20

Sadly you will hit 45 and suddenly look older Sad

I've found it hard going from always looking young to suddenly looking my age.

DrSbaitso · 16/09/2021 21:21

Have a child and drink lots of alcohol.

OttilieKnackered · 16/09/2021 21:22

Well apparently people think you’re cute and adorable which suggests attractive. And you’ve recognised in a subsequent post that people value youth.

So you’re saying that you’re what everyone wants to be and yet it’s SO ANNOYING.

I mean I’m sorry you have to bear this cross.

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:23

I’m sorry if you are offended by this thread. It’s not what everyone wants to be, I don’t think everybody values youth, it’s that I don’t want to be mistaken for a teenager. Or for people to make comments assuming things about me.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/09/2021 21:24

I'd recommend alcohol, smoking and sub beds. You're welcome.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/09/2021 21:24

*sun

purpleme12 · 16/09/2021 21:25

Yes I get it
Cos I always had it like you.
Not so much anymore
But eg when I was late 20s a man in the village tried to strike up conversation with me saying 'not going to school today then'
I just laughed it off saying I finished school quite a few years ago!
It used to really bother me growing up but by the time I'd got older I was so used to it I just laughed it all off

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:25

I’m not wanting to make myself look older, I know I should take it as a compliment but it’s just getting a bit much hearing it 24/7.

OP posts:
BlueFrog21 · 16/09/2021 21:25

I understand. I’m sure I’ll be happier when I’m 50! But right now it’s very annoying. Most people think I’m 20-25 and I get asked for ID all the time.

I’m 38 and I have a 14 year old, when people find out I have a 14 year old I can see them mentally trying to do the maths. There have even been occasions where people have thought my son is my brother but to be fair he looks older than an average 14 year old.

I have also been mistaken as my husband’s daughter before! He’s 40.

I don’t personally think I look very young, I think wearing a mask makes me look younger as my eyes are younger looking than my mouth. I worry people just think I’m immature. It makes it hard to be taken seriously.

Ellavaday · 16/09/2021 21:25

I will try to just laugh it off and not care so much

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 16/09/2021 21:26

@Ellavaday ignore comments who don't understand
I've seen another thread about this with many comments from people in the same situation who understood
But many comments like a PP above. A lot of people completely don't get it

careerchangeperhaps · 16/09/2021 21:27

This was me 10 years ago. I'm now 40-something and my grey hairs and wrinkles give my game away. Enjoy it while it lasts!

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