To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

You got asked if it was a child's fare? To which I would've said absolutely! Thank you very much for the half price fare.

@5128gap

I don't understand why if someone says something that suggests they think you're younger, you can't just set them straight. Its very easy. I look younger than my age too but if it causes misunderstanding than I just tell the person how old i am. No need for all this angst surely? I think rather than worrying that your youthful appearance causes disrespect, its surely more pertinent to be concerned that people think its ok to treat young people disrespectfully.

Well it depends on the situation, doesn't it? Sometimes you don't really have an opportunity to talk about it, for example, in a job interview. I have in the past tried to shoehorn in things like 'in 2009, when I worked at X place' but honestly, sometimes the impression of you as 'young' is what sticks.

I don't think most people do treat young people disrespectfully. It's pretty self evident that older people have more life experience and therefore it's not unreasonable to expect not to be lectured to by someone a decade younger about something they know far less about.

It's just about context, really, isn't it and gauging your audience? If I'm talking to an 22-year-old, they're likely to know much more about running an Instagram account and gaining followers than I do, so I would defer to them on that. I wouldn't mind being given advice on that, or if they spoke a language I didn't speak or knew loads about somewhere I'd never been, fine. Someone that age giving me advice on relationships or finances, I'd find extremely obnoxious.

@Kanaloa

If you go to buy something and the shop assistant says "is that what Mummy sent you out to buy?" it is annoying.

How young are you being mistaken for ? That’s how I would speak to a 3 year old. I couldn’t imagine any shop worker saying that to a teenager.

I was thinking the exact same thing..some of the posts on here are hilarious

I think interpreting the posts as people talking about their "youthful beauty" is the problem. The vast majority, if not all, of the posters talking about their experiences with looking younger aren't equating it with beauty in the slightest
But then some of those posters somewhat undermine their own 'how terrible it is to look decades younger... I'm endlessly stopped by strangers who are stunned that I'm my age and it's awful' argument when they decide that other women are jealous, bitter, have difficulties understanding people might look in their 30s, are upset that strangers don't mistake them for being younger etc.

Up thread there was an interesting discussion where people were discussing that patronising people about how cute and adorable they are isn't something most people would do other than to puppies or young children, and people, including the OP, were discussing that behaviour and perceived lack of assertiveness etc can all factor into appearing younger/less experienced in the workplace.

Somehow we've gone from that to dozens of posters telling us that they can't go through life without conversations always coming round how stunningly young they appear and that other women must be bitter and jealous. It's that sort of attitude that many people think is bullshit.

Id have said the interview situation is rare. Generally in job interviews they know your age and experience from your application, and clearly they think you do have experience or they wouldn't have short listed you. In social situations you just tell them, they say the usual 'omg you look so young.. ya da ya da' You ignore it. Job done.
I think this is very similar to the 'I'm so pretty women hate me' thing. Yes (generic not personal) 'you' may be young looking and/or pretty but to put it down to this everytime someone doesn't take to you, give you a job etc, gets in the way of honest self assessment. Every issue is automatically assumed to be appearance related, when it could be about something else entirely.

@LolaSmiles

I think interpreting the posts as people talking about their "youthful beauty" is the problem. The vast majority, if not all, of the posters talking about their experiences with looking younger aren't equating it with beauty in the slightest But then some of those posters somewhat undermine their own 'how terrible it is to look decades younger... I'm endlessly stopped by strangers who are stunned that I'm my age and it's awful' argument when they decide that other women are jealous, bitter, have difficulties understanding people might look in their 30s, are upset that strangers don't mistake them for being younger etc.

Up thread there was an interesting discussion where people were discussing that patronising people about how cute and adorable they are isn't something most people would do other than to puppies or young children, and people, including the OP, were discussing that behaviour and perceived lack of assertiveness etc can all factor into appearing younger/less experienced in the workplace.

Somehow we've gone from that to dozens of posters telling us that they can't go through life without conversations always coming round how stunningly young they appear and that other women must be bitter and jealous. It's that sort of attitude that many people think is bullshit.

Because why else would anyone give a shit about someone else's experiences? It's rooted in insecurity and bitterness. Lots of posters have also openly admitted that they look old and haggard and said things like 'wait until you're 40 and it catches up with you' and have equated looking young to being beautiful and having an easy time of it. The jealousy just seeps through the posts. This is why those comments were made. Stop being so disingenuous.

@5128gap

Id have said the interview situation is rare. Generally in job interviews they know your age and experience from your application, and clearly they think you do have experience or they wouldn't have short listed you. In social situations you just tell them, they say the usual 'omg you look so young.. ya da ya da' You ignore it. Job done. I think this is very similar to the 'I'm so pretty women hate me' thing. Yes (generic not personal) 'you' may be young looking and/or pretty but to put it down to this everytime someone doesn't take to you, give you a job etc, gets in the way of honest self assessment. Every issue is automatically assumed to be appearance related, when it could be about something else entirely.

I think you're overestimating how much attention people pay to CVs, especially for internal positions when they already know you. I applied for a role I was qualified for and was almost immediately dismissed from the process without even an interview. My colleagues were all shocked and very unhappy and couldn't understand why. We were told that they were really looking for 'someone with more experience'. They ended up hiring externally, a man who was just two years older than me and didn't really have any more experience than I did when it came down to it. Several colleagues said they were sure it had to do with me looking so young, and I don't doubt it for a second. The woman in charge of hiring had me pegged as 'a couple of years out of uni' and didn't think my face fit for a position where I'd be leading a department.

Because why else would anyone give a shit about someone else's experiences? It's rooted in insecurity and bitterness. Lots of posters have also openly admitted that they look old and haggard and said things like 'wait until you're 40 and it catches up with you' and have equated looking young to being beautiful and having an easy time of it. The jealousy just seeps through the posts. This is why those comments were made. Stop being so disingenuous.

Still going at it with the jealousy, insecurity and bitterness thing there. I thought it was some terrible affliction so why would anyone be jealous?

Has it ever occurred to you that most people you encounter in life aren't thinking about your appearance as much as you seem to think they are?

It's a lot of effort to spend focusing on how the world is constantly thinking about your appearance and how young you look and how jealous they are of you.

@LolaSmiles

Because why else would anyone give a shit about someone else's experiences? It's rooted in insecurity and bitterness. Lots of posters have also openly admitted that they look old and haggard and said things like 'wait until you're 40 and it catches up with you' and have equated looking young to being beautiful and having an easy time of it. The jealousy just seeps through the posts. This is why those comments were made. Stop being so disingenuous.

Still going at it with the jealousy, insecurity and bitterness thing there. I thought it was some terrible affliction so why would anyone be jealous?

Has it ever occurred to you that most people you encounter in life aren't thinking about your appearance as much as you seem to think they are?

It's a lot of effort to spend focusing on how the world is constantly thinking about your appearance and how young you look and how jealous they are of you.

Why don't you read the posts, dear?

OP didn't once mention being attractive, and yet there's post after post from women being absolutely vile to her, mocking her 'first world problem', accusing her of humble bragging and doubting her.

Do you think people would have reacted this way if she'd posted about people mistreating her because she has an unsightly skin condition or is four feet tall? No, of course not. They would have been supportive. But because so many of these women seem to assume OP was on some sort of humble brag because of their own prejudices and hang ups, they were mean. This is bitterness and jealousy.

The entire point is that OP has a serious issue which is negativity impacting her life and many people are minimising it and acting as if it's a good thing to look young. It's truly incredible how little reading ability some people have.

Why don't you read the posts, dear?

I have read the posts, including lots of yours where you insist that women are bitter and jealous and insecure.

As I said up thread, there have been some interesting discussions about the issues, including assertiveness, behaviour, the workplace etc, and then the inevitable I'm always mistaken for a teenager, it's so hard going to the shops, nobody can believe my age, so many conversations in my life seem to revolve around people being amazed at how old I am... other women are obviously bitter and jealous crap kicks in.

Why would women be bitter and jealous about something you say is an utterly negative experience?
Equally, why are you obsessed with the idea that women must be jealous and bitter? (This crops up on here all the time, woman has different view on something: inevitable follow up jealous and bitter... they must be jealous...they're just jealous. It's a silly little way to shut women up).

In my experience people who go through life thinking everyone is bitter, insecure and jealous of them have so little self-awareness that it never crosses their mind that almost nobody thinks about them that much.

What's with the persistent silly use of 'dear' Rozziie?

It doesn't make you look enlightened or clever, especially when it's all wrapped up in endless posts about how women are bitter, jealous, insecure and now, even more bizarrely, apparently 'triggered'.

I think people struggle with this, as they do with the too pretty threads, because there are ways of minimising the impact. Youthfulness like attractiveness is a whole package of things, only some of which, face, and to an extent body size and shape, we can do little about. Its entirely possible to adapt your style to look a lot more mature or a lot less attractive, yet few people with these 'afflictions' seem to do so. I say this as someone regularly assumed to be younger and considered very attractive (so no jealousy here!) but know that should these things become a burden, with a different hairstyle and clothes I could look a lot nearer my age and/or less attractive if I wished.

@5128gap

I think people struggle with this, as they do with the too pretty threads, because there are ways of minimising the impact. Youthfulness like attractiveness is a whole package of things, only some of which, face, and to an extent body size and shape, we can do little about. Its entirely possible to adapt your style to look a lot more mature or a lot less attractive, yet few people with these 'afflictions' seem to do so. I say this as someone regularly assumed to be younger and considered very attractive (so no jealousy here!) but know that should these things become a burden, with a different hairstyle and clothes I could look a lot nearer my age and/or less attractive if I wished.

You can't really adapt your style to look older. This has already been addressed. If you genuinely do look very young, you look like a child playing dress up. I was never patronised more than I was in twenties when I worked on the front desk of a hotel, wearing a suit.

I've also addressed that part of the reason I think people assume I'm much younger is that I still have acne, caused my PCOS. You think I like having acne? You think I can just decide to get rid of it? You think someone who is very short and small framed can just get taller and stockier?

Of course I don't think you can change physical features. I said other than face and body in my post. Typically 16 year olds wear different styles of clothes and hair to 30 year olds, with some overlap. Avoiding teen styles and the overlap styles and steering towards a mature look would help many people. And no 30 year old would look like a dressed up child, that's too far for anyone's credulity.

I don't understand what you think these overlap clothes and hairstyles are? Most adult women and teenagers I know have mid length to long hair. What does dressing 'mature' mean?

Smoke and drink heavily..it works for me.

I'm only 18 but look about 80

@Rozziie

I don't understand what you think these overlap clothes and hairstyles are? Most adult women and teenagers I know have mid length to long hair. What does dressing 'mature' mean?

There are some clothes typically worn by teens and some that most teens wouldn't be seen wearing. Then there's a range of things that span age ranges, usually more casual clothes like hoodies, leggings, trainers. So for example, if I wanted to look older I might choose trousers over jeans, ballet pumps over trainers and a jacket instead of a hoodie. With hair, styles that are more 'done' with more elaborate cuts and highlights and are shorter, generally look more mature than long casual, minimally styled hair. You only need to Google what clothes and hair styles are 'aging' to get the idea.

@5128gap lots of older teens wear ballet flats and jackets, though! My typical 'uniform' (I have a minimalist capsule wardrobe because I live in a very small flat) is usually very dark jeans or 3/4 black trousers, ballet flats or black canvas slip ons, long grey top/jumper, leather jacket and a patterned scarf. I don't think that's particularly juvenile, it's pretty classic, but you'd probably find just as many teens in a sixth form college dressed that way as you would teens in hoodies and jeans, especially in London.

Genuinely don't think hairstyles make a difference if you're a 30-year-old who looks 20. What actual 30-year-old has a typical 'older women' haircut? It would just look weird. Maybe if you were an 'old looking' 39, then a Karen haircut or whatever would make you look 49, but if you look young with no wrinkles, you just look like a young person with a really bad haircut. The same way that a 50-year-old who dresses like a teenager going out to a club in a miniskirt and crop top doesn't look any younger, they just look like an old person trying to look young. That goes both ways.

I'll be honest, complaining about looking too young is a bit like complaining about being too thin or too rich or anything else highly valued in society, particularly in women. It may be a pain for the individual but people will think it is a stealth boast rather than a genuine complaint.

A Karen haircut... 🙄

@GreyhoundG1rl

A Karen haircut... 🙄

Oh, get over yourself, ffs, I was trying to give an example of an 'older woman' haircut that people would understand what I meant.

Feel free to contribute something of value instead of negative, pointless crap.

@Miseryl

I'll be honest, complaining about looking too young is a bit like complaining about being too thin or too rich or anything else highly valued in society, particularly in women. It may be a pain for the individual but people will think it is a stealth boast rather than a genuine complaint.

Yes, because as this thread shows, a lot of people are completely devoid of empathy and can't stand anyone being upset about a problem they don't personally have (but probably think they'd like to have).

It's not really the same as being too thin or too rich, is it? Nobody's career is affected by either of those. Nobody gets patronised and spoken down to for either of those.

If OP were to come back and say 'well I think the reason people think I'm young is that I have achondroplasia, so I'm only 4'1, and a learning disability that affects my speech' I'm sure most people who posted nasty things would (rightly) feel like absolute knobs. There's no reason that wouldn't be true, though. People have just made assumptions about what OP and others who have posted about the same problem look like based on their own prejudices and their petty little minds.

When I was younger (pre 30) make up looked ridiculous on me. So I never wore it. And likewise I doubt wearing older style clothes would have made a difference to how others would perceive me.
I once asked a bloke at a station if I could share the last cab with him From a train Station - I was running late. He said he thought I was a lot younger until I spoke. So since then I’ve endeavoured to at least sound mature.