To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

Does it really matter that people think you're something you're not

Sounds horrific.

I worked with a woman who was 36 and genuinely looked 14. Customers were always making comments about it, she found it incredibly patronising.
Nothing to do with clothing as we all had the same uniform but she was definitely a shy type and not very assertive so some of it was due to how she carried herself.

I used to look younger than my age and would get a half bus fare in my 20s and still got ID'd in early thirties. I'm also fairly short and slim build.
It was in first glance only type of thing, never in workplace or conversation as I'm a bit of a gobshite and not meek at all. (Unlike previous colleague who got all the patronising chat)
Mid 40s I don't get mistaken for younger now which doesn't bother me.

@garlictwist

I used to look really young and also hated it. I worked in school in France in my mid twenties and got told off for going into the staff room by someone as they thought I was a pupil. This school only went up to age 15!

It all went to shit when I hit about 38 and now I look all gaunt and haggard so make the most of it.

Me too.

OP I get it. It's frustrating. But may too hit you at some point.

Then you will wistfully recall those comments about looking young and laugh

I understand that feeling of wanting to be taken seriously and that a lot of people never listened properly to a word I said until I was at least 25. It happens to women a lot more.

But now I'm 46, I have to say everyone under 30 looks like they are still in school or just out of school to me! I could mistake several of DDs' secondary school teachers for the pupils, and am not very good at distinguishing ages at all.

So I can see both sides, but I hope I don't go around patronising people.

I can't believe a change of clothes or hair style or make up wouldn't make you look older.

Supertree
I had this until fairly recently and it is incredibly annoying and patronising. It has nothing to do with people thinking that you are attractive and everything to do with people not believing you are on the same ‘level’ as them or worthy of respect because you’re young and inexperienced.

Quite. I used to get this all the time. Sometimes it felt like a compliment, other times it was bloody patronising and disrespectful. Depends who is saying it and how they say it.

For me, it tailed off after I hit mid 30s, had 2 kids, put on weight and felt more confident in the world. Now in my 40s if someone said I looked young they could only mean it as a compliment I think, so it would be nice.

I get it, because dd2 gets this a lot and it is patronising. However, it could be so much worse, so just like its not worth a short person or a tall person getting a chip on their shoulder about people mentioning it but just continue being themselves and carry themselves well (because new people always will mention), you might as well embrace it (you can't change every new person you meet). We are all different and these minor things people notice about you are highly valued by society (youthful and appealing). You could do things at work with formal introductions like say 'I have x years experience of y' or 'my partner of 10 years' just phrases that give clues. Just don't react, stay neutral so people 'read' that its not something you want to discuss.

I had this up until I had kids
Then i had kids and aged about 5 - 10 years very quickly.
Never happened after that! Enjoy while it lasts in case it doesn't!
Learn to be less impacted by what others think and their daft assumptions.

As a fellow 30 year old who looks 17 at a push I completely agree with you OP, and I hate when people says "you'll be glad when your 50" or "you'll miss it when your 60" I won't. I won't ever miss not being taken seriously in work or being out with my 5 year old and getting ID'd, going for my wedding dress fitting and being asked or patronising comments of people who don't understand how humiliating it can be at times. And no I think like most people I don't want to look 50, but to if the pay off was looking my age now I'd swap in a heart beat.

I agree that you might be able to help yourself with how you present yourself.

I’m seeing the opposite effect at the moment, having had a career change I am surprisingly old for my role. I think people are treating me as if I’m more senior than I am.

I’ve also seen your situation with a colleague. I though she was about 22 until she made a reference something which dates her age. As well as a young face I think the way she styled herself didn’t help, quite casual, short flippy jersey skirts etc. No makeup usually. I think you could maybe look at that a bit.

Get its annoying .I have always looked younger than my age as well. Quite good now got mistaken for 10 years younger a couple of times!

Should have said, colleague was actually 31.

If it makes you any better, I was at a outdoor event earlier this year. One of the people there running a stall actually assumed I was a child at first until I corrected him. The trick is to not to think about it.

One of my best friends experiences similar. She’s 5ft 2, size 3 shoe, v petite. She has people telling her she’s cute constantly. It’s patronising! She hates it and I can see why. The woman is 36 for God’s sake. She also gets ID’d all the time. It’s wearing. She says that people buy her gifts like socks with animals on them because they associate her with being childlike because she’s child sized.

There is absolutely nothing childlike about my friend, she’s an adult, with adult thoughts, feelings and emotions

I’m average height and would hate to have people constantly tell me how ‘adorable’ I am. Grown women want to be sexy, beautiful, intelligent, not bloody cute!

Urgh I hate it when people say you'll appreciate it etc. It sounds REALLY annoying to be constantly infantilised. Usually in these cases the person who looks young will suddenly age quickly at some point and catch up with their peers/age quicker because their baby face has no strong features, so no it's not a lifelong thing.

Yup I get you. It’s starting to wear off now I’m mid 30s but it was so annoying. I’m a junior dr and wear scrubs at work and I’m small and blonde and have a baby face. So everyone thinks I’m a student, not at work I can at least wear “mum” clothes to look older. I qualified 10 years ago ffs.

It’s not always easy to correct people.
“Are you a student?/when’s the doctor coming/you seem to know your stuff when do you qualify?”

“I’m the doctor, I’m older than I look”

“No way/pull the other one/yeah really”

“I qualified 10 years ago”

“Can’t be - how old are you really”

“I don’t want to discuss my personal details thank you”

“Alright no need to be so snippy about it”

It’s annoying and frustrating and people generally hate to be corrected and so get defensive.

I got pulled over by police once when driving and only after he had seen my lisence did he admit he had pulled me over because he thought I was a kid who had nicked my parents car. Also getting stopped in my 20 by security in a shopping centre who wanted to know why I wasn’t in school.

It’s not a stealth boast - think about it if you are constantly being mistaken for a teen do you really think the men who are attracted to tou are always the most savoury? I want a man who is attracted to women not girls…

I'm mid 40's and twice over the summer was mistaken for my DH's daughter - I'm 6 months older than him. I think it was just because I was wearing sun glasses though and so they couldn't see all the wrinkles round my eyes!

@Sciurus83

To be honest most of this can be addressed with how you dress and carry yourself if you want it to. The people I know who have this "issue" all dress very casual/teeny in trainers jeans hoodies t shirts. Not saying you have to change in any way, but if this is you and you WANT to change how you are perceived start wearing more grown up clothes and actively avoid things that are "young". Now this may be annoying and you don't have to at all, I wear jeans trainers and hoodies loads, but I don't have your notproblem! Shoes not trainers, blazers not hoodies, put together outfits with jewellery and handbag not backpack. Get your hair in a style not a pony or bun and do it every day, light makeup. This would solve it for the people I know, probably would for you too.

Unfortunately, if you do genuinely look very young, this can almost be worse - like a kid playing dress up. I got so many patronising comments when I dressed up a bit for work. "Oh is this your first job...so cute!" or asking me if I was there on work experience. It can look like trying too hard if you work in a place with casual dress, and then you get stupid comments about that too.

It's incredible how many women truly don't understand how annoying it is to be treated like a silly child when you're in your late twenties or thirties and well into your career.

Post your pic on here OP, I guarantee no one will be shocked by your age, say you are cute or adorable, or anything like that.

It's sad that the ignorance and bitterness on this thread doesn't surprise me

(from some posters)

@purpleme12

It's sad that the ignorance and bitterness on this thread doesn't surprise me

I can't believe such jealous and petty people even exist!

Looking younger definitely held me back professionally when I was younger.

When my eldest was in reception year, their teacher decided that my child probably had asthma based on a dry cough they had and told the childminder not me because I was quite young and might not take it seriously (Childminder did drop offs and I collected so it was 50:50). My wonderful childminder pointed out that I was 30 years old and a qualified paediatric nurse so had probably considered possible causes for the cough. It was just a cough.