To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

I get you. I’m 48 and it’s still happening to me. It’s very frustrating professionally to constantly get surprise at your age/position. There’s usually no coming back from it, as if they believe you they’re often embarrassed at the mistake and then there’s another barrier in place. I think it hit me recently with the return to more in-person things and suddenly I struggled to get in conversations and such whereas apparently I don’t look so young online :) I’m going to have to work on remembering my subtle openings that get across my seniority without sounding like I’m boasting. Ugh. Or maybe I could just zoom for the rest of my professional life.

I don’t really feel like going to this concert if I’m honest, I don’t drink which seems to also make these younger colleagues gasp, “She doesn’t drink?! So you’re the only one who gets drunk?!”

I just feel a bit uncomfortable going and like I’m going to be judged and laughed at.

Why cute? Is it because you have dimples,very petite?

I think they mean I come across as innocent, and ‘sweet’ apparently, shy and so on. I don’t think it’s a physical thing, more my demeanour.

I totally get you. This was me up until a few years ago (the children have aged me and I now look all of my 32 years). I'm a vet and everrrrry day was a struggle trying to get people to trust anything I said when they instantly thought I was a student - a school student at that! "You'll be thankful for it later" was the most annoying thing ever as it didn't help at all at the time - but I am indeed thankful for it now! Not much you can do OP. Just need to ride it out.

Yes I get that too sometimes.
Although I'm short as well

My friend sometimes has this. Someone said to her "oooo aren't you a bit young to be married?" She was 30.

I have the same at work OP and it drives me nuts. I’m a qualified architect managing construction projects worth many million and people’s minds are blown when they find out that I’m married and don’t live with my parents.

I find it undermining and worry that people don’t take me seriously in a professional sense.

I think that getting wound up by comments people make about your appearance is immature, really. The mature response is to answer a straightforward question in a straightforward way 'Do you live with your parents? No, because I'm 30.' and then move on to the important things.

The fact is, you are young.

I have been in this position and it is really hard OP. people always say oh you'll be so happy when you're older but fail to validate that it's actually really undermining to be treated as though you're a decade younger than you are. It affected my self esteem a lot.

My advice is:
Laugh it off where you can
Pay attention to your desire to control what other people think of you and instead notice that and let it go
Spend your energy on behaving as the competent woman you are and people will quickly revise their first thoughts
You can say things like, oh that's interesting you jumped to that conclusion about me. What made you make that judgement? Or, oh yes people often say that at first, before they get to know me. It's a bit tedious.
If someone crosses a boundary, calmly and assertively let them know that it's not ok - "I feel really belittled when you call me adorable, I'd rather you used a more appropriate word. Does that make sense?"

Yes I have this exact problem and have posted on here about it before, generally other posters don’t see the issue or see it as a stealth brag so don’t get it. I’m 29 but constantly mistaken for 17/18. It’s not attractive- I just have a full-on baby face and childish features. It’s hard to be taken seriously and I’ve experienced being spoken down to by people a few years younger. My friends who actually look like grown women in their late 20s are far more attractive. I have children and feel extremely self conscious when I’m out and about with them.

I totally understand. It's not a boast. I had this for a long time, in my 30s people asking if I lived with my parents, if I was at uni etc. It affected my work as when I got to a more senior level I always worried that people would think I was too young to manage their accounts and didn't know what I was doing.

I'm now mid 40s and still people are very surprised when they hear my age. However at least people don't think I'm still at uni anymore and that's something!

It can actually be really annoying when people constantly assume you're young.

I get it OP, honestly I do. I always looked a lot younger than I was. I felt it added to me being taken less seriously at work - it was something that bothered me for a long time. There were many instances in my career where I felt it affected me. When you have 10 years more experience under your belt than people presume you can find yourself constantly having to prove yourself, being challenged etc.

All that said, and I do understand it comes with issues when you're trying to be taken seriously, you will be happy about it in later life.

You're always being called cute and adorable?! Surely even people who are genuinely in their early twenties don't get this 🤔

Ignore the negative comments. I can completely understand how that’s a real pain in the arse.

I’m knocking on a bit now and constantly tell myself off for being surprised how young professional people look to me.

All you can do to counter it is to prove yourself at work.

Agree with other posters though, that you will be glad of it if it continues as you age.

@OttilieKnackered

Please tell us more about how hard it is looking so young and attractive.

Exactly !

So funny reading these comments from people who don't seem to be able to understand other people's situation

All the folk taking the piss her and telling you you're humble bragging have obviously never been in your situation. I totally understand what you're saying, its infantilising and patronising.

I think I do need to work on my assertiveness, and just be straight with them and say no, I’m 30, rather than just laughing nervously like I do.

I work supporting elderly and vulnerable people and some of them do question whether I have any experience or have ever done this before, so I do feel like it affects me work wise.

But thanks for all the advice, I’m just going to try and care less about it and be confident.

You can laugh it off at the same time as being assertive

Yes it’s really really not a brag I can’t stress that enough.

You won't convince certain people on here
No point trying
But yes try and be confident in yourself

I hate this too. I didn’t mind it so much until I was thirty or so, but you know. I’m 34 now and last week a bloke knocked on the door and asked me if my mum was in. When I get ID’ed they now laugh when I give them the ID, as if to say oh my GOD I’m SO sorry I asked this when actually you’re truly comically ancient!

#humblebrag

I don’t see how you can expect them to think you’re “friendly” etc when I don’t really know them at all I mean I’ve never had a conversation. they’re trying to be nice, but unlike you they ARE young.
It’s probably (but not necessarily) more to do with your behaviour and dress than actually looking shockingly young.
For example most older women would engage with their husbands younger coworkers and ask them about themselves etc. As for the drinking, loads of people don’t drink, it’s like being vegetarian, not particularly unusual.