To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

Well youth is revered in our culture op. Age is not. Sad but true.

I haven’t spent any time with them, I’ve briefly met them so no we haven’t really spoken.
I am young too, but they are younger.
There are many ways to say someone seems nice without infantilising them.

I don’t think not drinking is unusual either, but I was referring to the shock from them that somebody doesn’t drink.

Mydogmylife

OttilieKnackered
Please tell us more about how hard it is looking so young and attractive.
Exactly !“

Have either of you experience of trying to make a serious, professional impression when you look extremely young?

I work supporting elderly and vulnerable people and some of them do question whether I have any experience or have ever done this before, so I do feel like it affects me work wise

Tell them how many years you've been doing the job, or tot up exactly how many clients you've had before them, and have a couple of funny stories ready to tell them about times you've been mistaken for younger. It's quite a nice conversation starter because you get to tell them a bit about yourself, but it's not really very personal.

It will only affect you if you receive it like a petulant teenager. If you make sure you keep ID on you, and you respond like an adult when people mistake your age, it won't affect you at all.

Is it the way you present yourself? So many people of all age groups dress the same, hoodies, trainers, hair in a ponytail, it’s a look that’s associated with youth, so if you dress like this and particularly if you are short, the initial impression you will give may be younger than your actual years?

That’s a good idea. I don’t have to like it but it’s how I deal with it I guess, I shouldn’t let it get to me.

I’m fairly tall but apparently have a ‘small face’ and a baby face really. I don’t wear make up often and quite casually dressed or in work clothes.

They are young. They describe each other as “cute”. They mean appealing not childlike and they are surprised you don’t drink because they are YOUNG and assume everyone is like them. I think you’re reading way too much into this. I have children in that age group, they describe my husband as “cute”. Perhaps you’re just too close to them in age or mindset. I would find it silly but inoffensive and take it in the spirit it’s meant.

That’s true I need to not take them too seriously, they’re irrelevant to me at the end of the day.
I do think they meant cute as in ‘aww, bless’ though. I shouldn’t give it another thought anyhow.

I used to get this all the time up until I was 35. I hated it. Now I hate it that I am no longer told this!

I had this for years and I hated it. Looking young (thanks to my mum’s genetics) and being short meant people would say I was cute or sweet and a doll ??!!)
And surprise at my actual age.
Being told I couldn’t use the gym as if was adults only (I was 30!!)

Yes it was annoying and frustrating.but started enjoying it at 40 and now i miss it.

I looked very young until my mid thirties. When you say that people always think it's a boast about being really attractive but in my case I'm short, round faced, always slightly chubby and with no air of sophistication or 'cool'.
It's fine, not a huge problem but it can become annoying. I was always asked for ID even when people a lot younger weren't. Even when I was justifiably annoyed I wasn't really taken seriously. I had two non-sleeping children within a couple of years and that solved the problem

I’ve always looked young for my age. Never had the sort of questions you have had though!

But don’t knock it. I love it thats i get mistaken for being 10 years younger!!

What I struggle with is how it affects workplace dynamics. I dont know if this feels familiar to you...but...

For example, if I'm working with people (especially women in this case) around my age and older...its hard to explain but it's almost as if they expect more reverence/respect, in a way, because I look young.

I mean, i talk to them the same as I would anyone (which I hope is respectful and warmly) But because I look young...its almost as if it's not what they expect - And they can get kinda arsey about it. As if I'm being rude or something. As if they think im ignoring some kind of hierarchy.

The nastier ones then might be drawn to bully me in order to... take me down a peg or two in their eyes I suppose. Because I'm talkin to them like a proper grown up instead of the 'wee girl's they see me as.

How about your posture do you take up your space? Maybe consider a martial art for a hobby?

Re work I would just come up with a stock response eg I'm not as young as I look unfortunately! Nicely but not having to laugh it off as such. I imagine everyone seems young (except your 99y old neighbour) when you're 80+ they're being nice really

Family member has this. Mid thirties but honestly looks 16/17. She could have wrote your post word for word and if she could take a pill to make her look more her age I know she would take it in an instant. So many humiliating moments and nobody ever takes her seriously or speaks to her like she is a grown woman as they just can't get past how young she looks. I really feel for her.

Don’t worry it’ll pass. 😂 Wait until you stop being asked for I.D, it’s downhill from there lol

Also what's your voice like? Does that sound young/not serious?

I sympathise but like pp it's all been downhill from about 45

Tbf you sound quite young as well.

I also don't get why people think looking young equals attractive. Not all teenagers are attractive right?
Very odd.

Yes it is odd isn't it
And yet you continually get it on threads like this

I had this until fairly recently and it is incredibly annoying and patronising. It has nothing to do with people thinking that you are attractive and everything to do with people not believing you are on the same ‘level’ as them or worthy of respect because you’re young and inexperienced. I’m in my early/mid thirties and married with two children. We own our home and my eldest child is a teenager. There is still someone at work who seems to believe that I’m a young girl living rent free with my parents. I’ve set him straight but it goes in one ear and out the other (probably because nothing I say is taken seriously due to being a ‘young girl’). I hate it. I mean, ffs, I’m an adult woman approaching middle age. I expect other adults to take me seriously.

Same. People assume my daughter is my sister and that I'm a teenager. I'm 32 and short. The most annoying is someone looking for an adult to address when I'm out with DD and my DM. They skip over me and speak to my DM as if she's DD's parent (she looks about 40 rather than late 50s). Its not a humble brag, it takes the piss after a certain point.

I get you OP! I'm 40 and I get told I look young all the time to the point I feel like some sort of imposter!
I recently started a new job at a large company that employs a lot of young people also. When people hear I have 2 school aged dc they act so surprised and someone even has said how can someone so young have two kids already 🙄
And the 20 something flirtatious boys feel super embarrassing.. I could be their mother!!
So yes.. It is uncomfortable. Its like having to reveal a secret every time. 27 is the most frequently guessed age.. People also don't give you the respect you'd hope for when you look like a bloody baby!

On some things you need to toughen up or lighten up, for example the fact people misjudge your age, or people older than you think you're younger than you are.

When people who know you or you're acquainted with make patronising gushing comments about how cute/sweet/adorable you are, you probably need to be more assertive as they're being rude and infantalising.