AIBU to say it got damaged

[JAFS]

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

"Would you actually ask the person on a regular basis though?
That's obsessional and borderline stalkerish."

She asked in 2016, 2018 and again now in 2021.

OP went to Uni with her and I presume they are still 'friends' on sm as that is how this person contacts op.

It has no value according to op but she offers 'over and above' and asks if op is willing to sell it.

To me, contacting an old acquaintance via fb with a polite request three times in five years is not stalkerish, weird, harassment or cheeky fuckery as many on here assert.

She just doesn't want it to end up in landfill or resold to someone else and checks in every couple of years.

OP doesn't have to sell it but I find some of these responses really odd.

In fact I reckon if the other woman posted that she regretted selling something to an old friend and wanted to send a polite request/generous offer via fb, most people would be saying that's fine. MN is a weird place sometimes.

Just block her ffs

@frazzledasarock

What make is it?

I thought it was ‘first home’ but it turns out it’s janone - first home. The machine it’s self is really nothing special it’s all discoloured (presumably was once white) it’s very fiddly to thread etc but it works for me.

@JAFS

Your right. I think this is why I’ve asked the question. This is the third time she has asked and I honestly think she will ask forever until she gets what she wants!! I don’t want to lie but feels like it’s the only way I will get rid of her

Just message her back saying it's not for sale, then block her.

@pigsDOfly

Even if the OP took the advice of the pps saying give it back to her, there wouldn't be a lot a lot of point in giving it back to her now as the OP has painted it.

It's not really the same machine that she would have known growing up, if she's wants it for sentimental reasons.

And if she wants it for any possibility of selling it and making money out of it, the fact that it's been painted would render it completely worthless, even if it had been one of the very few machines of this type that are worth a few hundred pounds in their original state.

When I bought it she said she wanted to know it was going to someone who would use it. I did explain the intention to paint it and she was aware of this and said it looked good once done. Each time she messages she refers to the fact she knows it’s painted and that i put effort in to making it look how it looks today. She obviously didn’t have vision that it would ever fit into a modern home.

Tell her it’s not for sale and block her

To the posters who think that it’s worth money it’s going to be worth less than £100. Also it’s really unlikely to be that she is trying to get it back because it was mentioned in the will - the family will have known that her large possessions were disposed off prior to going into a home for the past several years so it makes no sense to go looking for it now. It clearly is sentimental to her and while the OP is under no obligation to sell it back to her it’s clear that she just doesn’t like the woman. It’s hardly intrusive to have 3 emails in 5 years reminding her if she wants to sell it that the woman will pay over the odds for it as she now has space for it. She even goes to lengths to flatter the OP. I feel a bit sorry for her.

Why stoop to the level of lying for a scenario like this?

With the number of times you’ve described the machine as “nothing special”, I’m surprised you’re not giving back something that holds such sentimental value for someone. She didn’t realise how precious it would be to her until her gran died.
I would give it back to her.

I hold on to stuff though so I’d be very unlikely to be in her position but I do feel for her. The fact that it’s still on her mind all these years later says it means something to her. She’s probably now recollecting memories she’s built with her gran around the machine.

In saying that 7 years is quite a while to have something and then have to give it back so tell her you’ll give her first dibs when you’re ready. And be honest.

It's irrelevant whether you painted it or not or that it is sentimental to you too

Your uni friend sold it to you. It's yours . She is harassing you over your belongings that she wants to buy. You don't want to sell it

So I would reply "hi uni friend. I Mrs sad to hear your grandma passed away.
I'm not selling my sewing table. I bought it from you years ago. Please stop texting me about it as my answer won't change and this is getting a bit much now.
I hope you are well"

I would find a new sewing machine that I liked the look of and tell her you need to replace the machine which will cost £150 or whatever the price is so that is what it will cost her to buy it back. Add on the cost of a suitable table if you need one. Also send a photo of it painted as she may not want it now it's been painted.

Re the racist comment I'd never heard that expression before and immediately thought it referred to people from the country the capital of which is Delhi.

OP, there is a way to work out if she now wishes she’d not sold it, because of sentiment, or she is in trouble from other family members, perhaps someone it was left to in the grandmother’s will, OR whether she thinks she can make more money from it.
If what I actually wanted was a decent sewing machine and I wasn’t too bothered about this one, or would give it back to be kind, then I’d tell her that I need a machine and it would cost xx (price of new machine) to replace. If she’s sentimental about it or needs to pass it to a family member, she will probably pay it. If she’s trying to make more money out if it, she won’t.
But if you really love it now you’ve painted the table etc then you are not being unreasonable to keep it and just send a short message back as PP have suggested.

I have the exact same table which was my gran's. Honestly it's really nothing special.

I would sell it back to her. I’m biased and emotionally driven in my response because I have some things from my late grandparents and they’ve got immense sentimental value despite not being worth much. They remind me of my grandparents every day.

There was something my grandfather had stolen not long before his death and if I ever found it for sale I’d buy it in a heartbeat.

You don’t have to give any explanation for not selling an item you own to someone though. I don’t think you need to lie just say it’s not for sale.

OP, what is the tone of her messages? i.e. has she said anything to acknowledge that a) you bought it fair and square or b) it's a big ask for it back? Or is she more demanding?

To all those people saying she wants it back because it's worth a fortune now - I think she would be sadly disappointed! It's a white plastic Janome, a good reliable machine but not collectible like a vintage black and gold Singer.

I mentioned upthread that I recently sold my mum's old (white, plastic, Toyota) sewing machine because mum has moved to a retirement flat and we are clearing her house before the new owners complete. It is a 4 bedroom house stuffed to the rafters with 82 years worth of junk. Mum keeps telling me " such and such an item is really valuable' when the truth is that while the item might have been relatively expensive when she bought it it is now unsellable. And if I can't shift it with a 10 day, 99p starting price listing on eBay it's not going to be worth anything to a charity shop either. The sad truth is that most of her possessions are worth absolutely nothing to anyone but her and apart from a very few items of sentimental value they will probably end up on a skip.

Stick to your guns OP. She advertised this for sale. You bought it fair and square. Her asking for it back is like me contacting an eBay purchaser in 4 years time because I've decided I really like the item I didn't want previously.

Re my earlier comment about her thinking it may be worth something, maybe she's seen these on Ebay and thinks it is 😂

It didn't hold much sentimental value to the op's weird friend. It was the means to make some money... Maybe now she knows it's been jazzed up she thinks she can make more money selling it on yet again?

@Brollywasntneededafterall

It didn't hold much sentimental value to the op's weird friend. It was the means to make some money... Maybe now she knows it's been jazzed up she thinks she can make more money selling it on yet again?

true

There is possibly something of value (money?) stuffed into the machine's nether regions somewhere. LOL

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I find some of the responses to be very harsh.

Is it really so hard to empathise with someone who sold an item and now regrets it?

Unless she's threatening to come round with a baseball bat, she's just messaging an old Uni acquaintance to ask whether it's still in use or whether she could buy it back. It's a request, not a court order.

Whenever she has asked in the past, op has said no and she has disappeared for several years, so not really a huge burden on your time either.

The fact that she keeps coming back, regularly, every couple of years, just suggests that she really regrets the sale now she has a house to display it and maybe children of her own.

I get that you don't want to sell op and have no problem with you telling her that you're not ready to sell. But really where's the harm in her contacting you again in two years? I expect she's scared that you'll tire of it and get rid.

I agree with this.

Maybe tell her that you are using it as it is meant to be used and it has a good home. Vintage machines will last forever and sew a straight stitch better than most new machines and as for the button holers!
She wouldn't use it and eventually she would get rid of it.

@tempchecked

There is possibly something of value (money?) stuffed into the machine's nether regions somewhere. LOL

Derail apologies, but this reminded me that DP and I once took in a piano for a friend who was moving overseas. We had it tuned when it arrived and it stayed for some years. Neither of us us play but it was played a couple of times early in its stay by a pianist friend.

Some time after anyone had last played or touched it, I lifted the lid one day and there was a wad of notes under it About £70 IIRC.
Obviously hadn't been there when it was tuned or played.

We drew a blank and put the money in our 'stuff for the house' fund. Still have no idea where it came from.

I thought it would be a vintage Singer or Jones! Only a free arm featherweight would have much value 1000 quid or so.
The early New Homes still have a fabulous stitch. Presumably she was happy to take the cash back in the day.

@RantyAunty

Look carefully in the machine to make sure it doesn't contain hidden treasure worth millions.

bahaha I thought about that too