AIBU to say it got damaged

[JAFS]

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

Also to add it's why she wants it back its the understanding that she has sold it and wantng it back means offering compensation

Another (horrible) possibility is that she sold it "accidentally" and didn't know the grandmother had left it to someone in her will.
Her family are asking"where's nana's Singer sewing machine table- it's worth a fortune and yer uncle Frank wants it." Uni acquaintance does not want to reveal she sold it straight away and put the money towards a plane ticket/ pom bears/ Lakeland heated airer.

This is pure conjecture. 😁
It's yours, you ain't selling, mesg and block.

Even if the OP took the advice of the pps saying give it back to her, there wouldn't be a lot a lot of point in giving it back to her now as the OP has painted it.

It's not really the same machine that she would have known growing up, if she's wants it for sentimental reasons.

And if she wants it for any possibility of selling it and making money out of it, the fact that it's been painted would render it completely worthless, even if it had been one of the very few machines of this type that are worth a few hundred pounds in their original state.

Just tell her you’ve painted it, if she only wants to sell it she’ll not be interested in pursuing it further

@JAFS Absolutely do NOT give it back. As has been said, she has probably realised it's worth quite a lot of money, and she's out for what she can get from it.

You could just take the easy way out and say 'sorry it's broke and I binned it' or just be honest and say 'no it's mine and I am never selling it' and then block her.

@BlackberryMuncher You are rude with the manipulative Be Kind bullshit and girl power rhetoric you're pushing. Stop trying to control women by coercing them to be kind.

@Tulipomania

I'm not. Whatever happened to #BeKind? In the OP's position I would give her friend the benefit of the doubt.

Most people have realised it has long lost its original point and is now being used as a way to shut down any criticism or dissent.

Just reply ‘it’s not for sale’

I bought some baby clothes on Facebook from a complete stranger, a desirable brand for quite cheap. She messaged me six months later to let me know she wanted them back because she was pregnant again and they were sentimental. I told her that I’d used them for nursery clothes so weren’t in a condition she’d want. They weren’t but I had bought them in good faith and if I returned them I’d have to pay three times the price for others. People shouldn’t sell sentimental things!

I do agree that some people really don't seem to understand what selling actually means - and that it isn't the same as lending or pawning. Once you've sold something, you've let it go - and if you aren't 100% certain that you're ready/prepared to let it go, don't sell it in the first place (but also don't benefit from the money)!

Thanks @Fraine

I'm just ignoring it. If people want to believe that my suggesting an understandable ignorance of a certain matter is as bad racism, let them.

Ok so I’ve checked some facts

So I bought it 7 years ago, I think it was actually £50 I paid. It’s not a singer and I really don’t imagine worth much in resale it’s a really obscure make and it wasn’t great wood. I do think the paint could easily be stripped back I didn’t sand it down or anything just applied chalk paint.

She wasn’t overly young at the point of selling - was mid/late 20’s but didn’t own her own home which I think is why she didn’t feel she could keep it. Whereas now she does.

When I have now checked my messages this is the third occasion she has asked for it back, in 2016, 2018 and now.

She’s offering to pay ‘above and beyond’ for it back and for a courier if I would prefer her not to collect in person.

Some of your observations are very right she is a CF and I think she is more than aware that I am inclined to be a people pleaser!!

Those that have said IABU is it more that I wanted to lie or that they think i should ‘give it back’? Not many have commented that I should return it but a fair amount of votes!

@JAFS

Ok so I’ve checked some facts

So I bought it 7 years ago, I think it was actually £50 I paid. It’s not a singer and I really don’t imagine worth much in resale it’s a really obscure make and it wasn’t great wood. I do think the paint could easily be stripped back I didn’t sand it down or anything just applied chalk paint.

She wasn’t overly young at the point of selling - was mid/late 20’s but didn’t own her own home which I think is why she didn’t feel she could keep it. Whereas now she does.

When I have now checked my messages this is the third occasion she has asked for it back, in 2016, 2018 and now.

She’s offering to pay ‘above and beyond’ for it back and for a courier if I would prefer her not to collect in person.

Some of your observations are very right she is a CF and I think she is more than aware that I am inclined to be a people pleaser!!

Those that have said IABU is it more that I wanted to lie or that they think i should ‘give it back’? Not many have commented that I should return it but a fair amount of votes!

I stand corrected - if she's offering to pay a hefty sum and for a courier it somewhat makes sense. However the desperation to get it back is odd. Something doesn't smell right. And why the 2 year intervals?

Also I'm now very intrigued! Any chance of sniffing around OP to see why she may want it back?

It’s like she’s checking in every two years to check her you still have it, like it’s in storage and now she’s ready to try claw it back m.

Your right. I think this is why I’ve asked the question. This is the third time she has asked and I honestly think she will ask forever until she gets what she wants!!
I don’t want to lie but feels like it’s the only way I will get rid of her

What make is it?

@ThorsLeftNut

It’s like she’s checking in every two years to check her you still have it, like it’s in storage and now she’s ready to try claw it back m.

I don't condone lying but you're well within your rights to say it was damaged and doesn't exist in its original form anymire

I think there’s diamonds in a secret drawer.

Thanks, yes this seems like the best of both worlds. I don’t want to be cruel but I also don’t want to ‘sell it back’. It’s my sewing machine!

I’d just tell her you’re sorry about her grandma but you don’t want to sell it. Tell her you’ve painted it and you love it, that it’s part of your home and family history too now. Tell her if you ever do decide to sell it you’ll let her know, but you doubt it.

‘I’m sorry for your loss. I still frequently use the sewing machine so am not interested in selling it on. If I ever am I will contact you.’

‘I’m sorry for your loss, sadly the machine broke down last year and I had to get rid of it.’

‘Dear CF. You sold me the machine, I’ve not just been keeping it in storage for you! I don’t want to sell, so stop asking.’

‘Dear CF, that’s fine, so that’s my money back plus storage fees for 7 years as you clearly only wanted a storage solution and were too cheap to pay. That’ll be XXX my bank details are xxx.’

Or any combination of the above, depending if you actually want to remain friends with the cheeky cow!

Honestly, she’s not going away. Just say gosh you sold it to me, I gave it to charity years ago, it was x shop on x street ( make it up ) and leave it there,

If her dgm had vision right now she would see her relative made a fast buck and you have used it lovingly.. Bet her dgm would be happy for you to keep it!!

REALLY!!?? Just give her the damn machine back. you can get a newer one if you plan on more sewing. Remind her you paid £25 for it and you expect that back from her.

Why don't you just say the table is mine, you sold it to me, I told you if I no longer wanted it you would have first refusal. I'm sorry but I'm not ready to pet with it yet. If it was sentimental you shouldn't have sold it