Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:

Iggly · 16/09/2021 07:22

Put him in nursery!

InaccurateDream · 16/09/2021 07:24

The Sunday night is too much for them (and they are offering free childcare). Either go very early on a Monday or put in nursery.

DysmalRadius · 16/09/2021 07:24

Clearly your parents are struggling and Nursery sounds like a better idea all round - why wouldn't you?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/09/2021 07:24

Yes, put him in nursery.
Begrudged 'help' is not nice.

bloodywhitecat · 16/09/2021 07:25

Nursery and allow the grandparents to be grandparents rather than childcare.

TheChild · 16/09/2021 07:25

If they are looking after your child for free, then I think you're being a bit mean to be complaining. Dropping him off at 2pm for a sleepover every Sunday night? I would be grateful they were happy to look after your child and have absolutely no problem dropping him off later.
I think it's best to put him in nursery.

carebearbaby · 16/09/2021 07:26

YABU. They are providing childcare. 4pm/5pm isn't late, its good enough they have him overnight as well as a full day for you.

DDiva · 16/09/2021 07:26

To be honest I don't really see the problem. 4/5 isn't that late and nursery will only be from the morning not overnight too....
But yes if you want to dictate times you need to pay for childcare.

EekGoesTheBaby · 16/09/2021 07:26

Am I missing something? They're doing you a favour, which has now become inconvenient for them. Putting him in nursery is the clear solution.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 16/09/2021 07:27

Well basically it’s two days as they have no chance of doing anything they want to do on a Sunday if you get there at two, no chance to meet up with friends for lunch or go anywhere.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 16/09/2021 07:27

It may just be that they want to be able to meet friends for a leisurely Sunday lunch. I don't see the problem with dropping DC there at 5pm or 6pm so they do bath, bed, and then have the next day. It's not as though you're doing this for your own respite, it's so you can work on the Monday.

Emelene · 16/09/2021 07:27

If it’s causing stress / resentment I would pay for a second nursery day.

Jjjjjjjjjjjjj84 · 16/09/2021 07:28

Are you serious? Why take him at 3pm on the Sunday for the Monday childcare? They are basically looking after your child the Sunday, the Sunday night and the Monday. You are probably preventing them from going out anywhere on the Sunday!
As lovely as it is you have grandparents support I think it's crazy how some grandparents provide so much child care, they are giving up their own lives for it!
Your child would be much better off in nursery for longer now and see the grandparents so silly instead

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/09/2021 07:29

If you took him to them at 5pm, left at 6pm then you'd be home for 7pm. It's not late.

I'd just take him that little bit later, you think its not fair on you but what about whats fair on them?

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2021 07:29

I'm not sure if this is a reverse - are you seriously complaining that someone looking after your child for a full 24 hours a week for free isn't willing to do it for even longer? And why would you want to send your child to be looked after by people who are telling you they find it too much - aren't you worried about your child's wellbeing?

Yes, use nursery, obviously. You aren't doing your parents the favour you think you are.

Macncheeseballs · 16/09/2021 07:29

They are your children, they are doing you a massive favour, but if they don't want to accept that gracefully

Halo1234 · 16/09/2021 07:29

They don't want to do it.
Be thankful they have him at all. Over 24 hours with a toddler is a lot for some grandparents. It doesn't take away their love for him. They just want to be grandparents and not care givers. Think u are a bit self centred putting you being home later before them not wanting to do a big chunk of Sunday's as well as Monday' childcare. Put him in nursery and still visit them on Sunday. He is your child. They are not obligated to have him.

TriciaMcMillan · 16/09/2021 07:30

If you drop him off at 5, wouldn't you get home by 6? That's not late. Unless I've misunderstood.

But yes, nursery sounds sensible, clearly what they are suggesting doesn't work for you.

BendingSpoons · 16/09/2021 07:30

They presumably have him from 3pm until at least 6pm. That's quite a long time. I don't think they are unreasonable to want you to drop him off later so it is almost bedtime. I understand you value the time to yourself but I don't think getting home at 7pm is particularly late.

If it's not working then use nursery. 2 days nursery, 3 with grandparents sounds a good balance anyway.

girlmom21 · 16/09/2021 07:30

You're expecting a lot from both sets of grandparents. You should definitely put him into nursery instead.

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2021 07:31

Put him in the nursery, it sounds like they don’t really want to do any childcare anymore

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 07:31

YABU and very entitled. Why do you lean on both your parents so much? Why does your son go to your parents Sunday afternoon? If they look after him on Mondays why don't you take him Monday mornings.

audweb · 16/09/2021 07:31

Yep either drop late (just before bedtime on the Sunday) or do nursery. You basically get two days worth of care. Any weekend plans they have are curtailed by the fact you seem to want every Sunday afternoon/evening childfree (and I can’t work out why, considering you work full time?) listen to them. You’re being a bit cheeky with this arrangement. They can’t even go out for a Sunday lunch, or if they do it has to be rushed.

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2021 07:32

Also - and I promise this isn't an attack on full-time working parents, I worked full-time when my eldest was a baby and toddler - if you work all week don't you and your partner want a full weekend with your child?

toomuchlaundry · 16/09/2021 07:32

Do they look after other grandchildren during the week too?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread