WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

[WalkingDead02]

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

There’s a really odd entitlement here. I assume this is a joke or a reverse?

So in a nutshell:

• they provide free childcare on Monday
• they take the child on Sunday afternoon and keep him overnight to save you the journey on Monday morning
• they have asked you to take him at 4pm instead of 2pm on Sunday?

Unless there is some massive drip feed this is a diamond shoes problem.

Pay for nursery if you don't want to take him at 4pm and keep your free evening.

If you drop him at 3pm on a sunday and you work full time mon-fri your child must hardly see you? Poor thing.

Put him in nursery on a monday and make the most of your sundays together

Reverse. Has to be.

This has got to be a reverse or a troll. Otherwise you’re unbelievably grasping of your parents’ time and seemingly oblivious of the massive favour they’re doing for you. Put your child in nursery and let your parents enjoy their free time.

Your parents are providing free child care for what, 24 hours, even with new arrangement, 6pm Sunday to 6pm Monday? And you're complaining they won't take DC for longer? I don't know any parents that get a night off from the DC every single week, that's a big commitment from your parents. YABVU and entitled, DC is your child, not theirs. If paid childcare suits you better do that, otherwise I'd say thanks for the night off every week and accept their generous help gracefully.

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

You either have to put him in nursery or suck it up and change to the time that suits them, even if you're not home as early as you would like. They are the ones doing you the favour. If money isn't an issue I would go with a nursery as it sounds like they'd rather not be providing childcare

0/10

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

Well, it's their time to do as they like with anyway but also I would guess that if they've said that 'all they do is look after grandkids' this isn't the only one they provide care for.

Reverse, troll or you are really spoilt.

Wow! How entitled and selfish are you OP!

No wonder your parents feel put upon, you are taking the piss big time.

2 year olds are hard work and you seem to rarely ahve yours apart from one whole day on a Saturday. Your poor child!.

My mum used to look after my child at night, I'd drop him off at 7pm ready for bed. I'm literally flabergasted that you are moaning about your parents tbh!!

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

What an unpleasant comment. Says a lot about you.

Taking him at 2pm on a Sunday is far too early. You are taking them for mugs.

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

They look after OPs only child but OP mentioned grandkids. Plural. We have no idea how often they are looking after other grandkids. (If this is even true).

Why on earth are you expecting them to have him for half a day on the Sunday? That isn't fair at all. Doing an overnight every week is a huge favour and they understandably think you are taking the mickey!

Paying for nursery is a good plan. If you don't want to do that then you owe your dp am apology, and to change plans to drop before work on Monday and collect straight after.

2pm is an absolute piss take. You are basically getting a nice Sunday evening to yourself whilst your parents look after your child for you. Pay for nursery you chancer.

Your parents are effectively looking after him for 2 days.

For free.

Stop being a brat about it.

You're lucky you get 4.5 days free childcare.

Put him in nursery.

And maybe reconsider that asking the PILs to look after him for 3 days is maybe asking a bit too much as well?

I would put him in nursery, will probably help him if he is in more than once a week anyway and ask your parents if they would be willing to shift to being back up in case PIL are not free one of their three days. Once the 30 free hours kick in it won't feel quite as bad financially.

Expecting them to give up half of their weekend, every weekend as well as a monday is unreasonable.

Don't you want to spend as much time with him at the weekend as possible when you work ft?

Chances of OP coming back to the thread seem low...

@Soontobe60

I live 45 mins away from my dd, I go to their house on Monday mornings and look after my grandchildren there because that’s what suits me. I wouldn’t want to be tied up every Sunday from mid afternoon, even if it was with my lovely grandchildren. You are being really cheeky - your in laws and parents are saving you possibly up to £1000 a month in childcare costs!

We did similar for GC. Went Monday evening to look after GC on Tuesday.

I never spot a reverse but this must be one.

You drop off your child at 3ish on a Sunday for Monday childcare?

And now you don't think you should have to drop off at 5pm because it impacts your evening? Is that it?

Am now wondering if you drop child off with IL's for 3 nights too...

YABU but in your attitude to your parents. They are doing you a favour and it’s not one days childcare it is a Sunday afternoon/evening, overnight and the Monday daytime.

This routine curtails every Sunday for them. Aren’t they allowed a social life?

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

The thing with a 2pm Sunday handover is it has the potential to fuck up pretty much every weekend. You can make plans for a Saturday, sure. But you can't make plans for an entire weekend because you have to be back for 2 on Sunday. Everything then becomes this end point of 'must be back for 2 on Sunday'.

Tbh I'd wonder more about parents who are happy to dump their child elsewhere for an overnight stay every week. It's like some really weird access arrangement but with grandparents, not separated parents. I would think it's healthier for the grandparents to have a relationship with their daughter and their grandchild that doesn't involve something that's basically a business transaction.