WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

[WalkingDead02]

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

No - this is not real surely?

It's a reverse?

I never comment on Grandparent care threads as i usually have no feelings either way but in this case - if this is real - YABVU OP.

Yes, ''pull the plug'', let your parents have their life themselves, and use a nursery.

The grandparents have reared their kids (i.e. either you or your DH) and just want to be grandparents, i.e. dote on their grandchildren while they visit and wave them good bye at the end of the day as they leave.
You're WAY overstepping on the childcare here with them.

They may have been happy to do it at the start but it no longer suits THEM so you have to adjust to accommodate them.

Put your child(ren) into a creche/nursery/playschool/kindergarten and let the grandparents be grandparents.

Do you turn into a pumpkin after 7pm or something? I can't imagine an actual adult thinking 6pm was late to be getting back to their house, especially if you're having a child free night.

You're being a CF. Pay for nursery.

Wow. Entitled much.

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

Older people just get knackered easily, just that. They have done the childcare for their own kids and are expected to provide that service for their grandchildren, by the time they are free of all childcare responsibilities they could be frail or unwell and unable to ENJOY their own time. Is it too much to ask that they are given some slack to actually have a life??

@Immaculatemisconception

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids?

There are plenty of ways of having a relationship with grandchildren, that doesn’t include providing regular childcare. Looking after small children is bloody hard work when you are young. For grandparents, it’s so much harder. You should think about your attitude towards the older generation. They aren’t there just to look after your children. They have a life as well.

I suspect they can’t/won’t see DGC outside of this arrangement, but only OP can say.

Of course you’re being unreasonable!

Are they looking after other grandchildren too? Otherwise their comment "we never have time to do anything because we're always looking after grandchildren" seems a little dramatic, for Sunday evening and Monday.

That being said, even if they look after your child for an hour, it's free childcare, and just because it's their grandchild doesn't mean they're obligated too.

My parents will have DTwins whenever I like, but I think this is because I hardly ever ask. So it's something to look forward too. They wouldn't fancy two 1.5yr olds all day, every week. That's going from occasionally having fun with the grandchildren, to regular unpaid childcare.

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

And rightly so.

Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

What isn't fair is dropping you child there at 2 pm every Sunday! They obviously don't like it, stop doing it. I am not a grandparent yet, but can't see myself agreeing to that arrangement. Wow.

You are being ridiculously unreasonable. Accusing your parents of "moaning" because they don't want to take your child for a 1.5 days childcare and an overnight sleep every single week? Yet you consider it inconvenient to drop him off a few hours later to help your parents out? I honestly can't imagine any of this. If nursery is an option then yes put him in nursery an apologise/thank profusely your parents.

A full afternoon, evening, sleepover and then all the next day? I’m not surprised that’s too much for them! Yes use an extra day nursery instead.

@Immaculatemisconception

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids?

There are plenty of ways of having a relationship with grandchildren, that doesn’t include providing regular childcare. Looking after small children is bloody hard work when you are young. For grandparents, it’s so much harder. You should think about your attitude towards the older generation. They aren’t there just to look after your children. They have a life as well.

This….absolutely adore my grandchild but am exhausted once the child goes home 24 hrs later ! One big difference though ….I am 100% appreciated by my daughter !L

You said that they’re getting tired of looking after grandchildren- so does this mean they have other grandchildren on other days that you have not mentioned? Just take him at 5pm on a Sunday - what’s the big deal about that? YABU

"We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round."

You seem to be making such a fuss about being asked to drop him off a couple of hours later that it would seem to be the best thing.

I can't believe you're complaining about this. What isn't fair is that you're expecting your parents to give up their every Sunday afternoon and evening to look after your child. Pay for childcare if you're unhappy. They're doing you a massive favour.

You're being so unreasonable.

I wasnt sure with the voting, aibu to pull the plug or aibu asking for childcare?

Either way send him to nursery, it will relieve stress for everybody :)

You getting home for 7pm is late when your parents are providing free overnight and next day childcare??? You are unreasonable and self-centred.

Neither my parents nor my ILs have ever babysat for me for an hour, let alone overnight, let alone every week! YAB massively U and ungrateful.

so a 2 year old is away from their parents one night EVERY week??? that's a bit too much.

And he's there Monday too. I just can't believe how much of a cheeky fucker you sound.

* You getting home for 7pm is late when your parents are providing free overnight and next day childcare??? You are unreasonable and self-centred.*

^This

Wow just re read your post and see how entitled you come across

Your parents are providing free childcare but would like you to bring your child across later and it’s not fair!! YABVVVU

Whatever you do when you get home do before you go

If you dint want to do as they ask then pay to put him in the nursery

But stop being so childish with the it’s not fair mantra

4/5pm isn't late. I would have been taking 2 year old in pj and putting to bed on the sunday before you leave.

Put him in nursery if it doesnt suit

Anyone who thinks grandparents somehow owe you childcare - i hope you are thinking ahead to when YOUR kids are grown up? And trust me, time flies it wont be long ...

So they decide to have kids and hand them straight to you for x days a week and you'll be fine and dandy to give up days out of your week and go back to nappy changing, weaning, car seats, being stuck in the house (unless it's going to the park) toys all over the bloody place, and following all their rules and regs of how we do it ''nowadays'' because you obviously can't be trusted to do it your way anymore ...

All because you simply must do this to have a 'meaningful relationship' with them apparently ... nothing to do with saving them a few quid on childcare fees ... no, you must be over the moon and very very grateful