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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:
shockthemonkey · 16/09/2021 08:30

4pm is not "night". You've worded your OP in a way that minimises their effort.

It sounds as if they look after other GCs too, but you have not made that at all clear.

Either way, you really need to listen to them and cough up for another nursery day. You would probably welcome seeing more of your child anyway.

GalaPie · 16/09/2021 08:31

I think you've got used to having 4pm onwards on Sunday night as your time. But with dc that age, and a full time job, many of us will agree there is no 'me time'. It's a slog.
But you being at your parents to drop your child at 2pm (and then sparing them 1 HR of your company) means that they effectively have no Sunday - no leisurely walk round the garden centre, no lunch with friends, no roast dinner at the pub, no watching the Gand prix or slobbing on the sofa all afternoon. You dropping g your dc doesn't even involve a nice family meal. Just a quick cuppa and you're off again. I might be feeling resentful too.
I'd be dropping dc later, probably already bathed and in pjs, or staying and dealing with bedtime myself, or even earlier and having a family activity or meal out together. Depends on what works best for the people doing me the favour.

LowbrowVictoriana · 16/09/2021 08:32

Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair

Not fair??? It won’t be late, and you’ll have the evening to yourself, too. Do you think they should collect him?

I do get the impression from “always looking after grandchildren” that they look after other DGC too. Especially as OP only has one child!

LaurieFairyCake · 16/09/2021 08:32

You're using up too much of their weekend

Drop him off at 8pm asleep, you will be home by 9 - which is not late Confused

Dillydollydingdong · 16/09/2021 08:32

Small children are exhausting. I know. I've got grandchildren! And when you get older, with the best will in the world you just haven't got the energy you used to have, so it's not the best environment fior the dc. It sounds like you're taking advantage of both sets of dgp. Put your DC in nursery, OP.

Doggiedementia · 16/09/2021 08:34

Reverse?

Djifunrsn · 16/09/2021 08:36

If he’s dropped Sunday 2pm and they have him all day Monday, that is 2 days of childcare, not one.

CovidIsADick · 16/09/2021 08:36

YABVU. I also think it’s a bit weird forcing your toddler to sleep out once a week. You’re basically asking your parents to give up their Sundays indefinitely, that’s what’s unfair. Either get up early on a Monday and drive him there for the day or put him in nursery.

Djifunrsn · 16/09/2021 08:37

You could take him in his PJs at 8pm, sleep in car, straight to bed at your mum’s.

Lalliella · 16/09/2021 08:37

You are unbelievably entitled and unreasonable. Your parents are doing you a massive favour and you’re complaining about them. Jeez. This has got to be a reverse - surely no-one is that lacking in self-awareness?

vixeyann · 16/09/2021 08:39

Surely if you drop him that early on a Sunday it eats into the time you have with him that you don't have during the week? You are being unreasonable as grandparents have no obligation for childcare and you should fit in with their wishes as opposed to your own. I would be thrilled with what they were offering and if you are not, nursery is an option.

junebirthdaygirl · 16/09/2021 08:39

Until l became a grandparent at 50 l couldn't believe how tiring it is to take care of a toddler who is not your own. It's the responsibility. When you have your own dc they have a routine and everyone is at home . But with my gc l, literally, never took my eyes off her as l didn't want anything to happen on my watch. After 3 to 4vhours l was wrecked. My friends all agree with this.
So dropping your dc at 2pm on Sunday is on a new level of cheek..wow!
Could the GPS mind him in your home on Mondays so they would have a complete free Sunday and you would get to have your wee pet for the whole day!

Lobelian · 16/09/2021 08:39

OP, if this is a reverse ffs come back and put us out of our collective misery.

Fixerupper500 · 16/09/2021 08:40

YABVU, self centred and entitled.

I also think, expecting the other grandparents to have a 2 year old for 3 days a week is too much.

Why should they spend their retirement as your free childcare? Put the 2 year old in nursery and let them enjoy being grandparents.

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 16/09/2021 08:40

Wow, you get free childcare 4 days a week and are getting fed up of the moaning? You sound massively entitled. Most of us have zero help with childcare and just have to put them in nursery and suck up the bills 🤷🏼‍♀️
Your parents are speaking loud and clear really (maybe not in the exact words) but it is clear to see they do not want the responsibility of childcare on a Monday. Just put him in nursery. I'm being very judgmental here but 3pm on a Sunday because you live an hour away? I think that's very early to be dropping your child off when you only seem to have him on a weekend yourselves!? I don't understand why you getting home at 6-7pm on a Sunday night would be unfair really??? Your going home to a child free house so presumably you can relax/get an early night etc. You need to be more grateful I think in general. Harsh but you did ask

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2021 08:42

If this isn’t a reverse you have some cheek OP

Laiste · 16/09/2021 08:42

See - for me it's not even about the having enough energy thing (although that's true for some, obviously). I have adult DCs easily old enough to have children the same age, or older even, as my youngest DC (7).

They haven't had any kids yet as it happens, but when they do (and if they did), i'd resent them thinking ''oh mum can have 'em 3 days a week. She's not doing anything else much after all and would love to bond in that special way ...''

I mean ... Shock
No!

I'll love 'em, i'm sure. But i'm looking forward to loving them without all the hard work!

Booknooks · 16/09/2021 08:42

This must be a wind up. Of course listen to what they are saying and put him in nursery.

CanofCant · 16/09/2021 08:42

This must be a reverse.

BertramLacey · 16/09/2021 08:44

so it’s probable she knows grandparents will be annoyed by this.

Perhaps the OP could come back and clarify this point. Or any point at all, really.

CliffordMystery · 16/09/2021 08:45

Bullshit

JustHavinABreak · 16/09/2021 08:45

Seriously entitled behaviour on your part. They've done their childcare duties with their own kids. Anything they offer as grandparents is totally at their own discretion and you're being extremely rude and ungrateful. If one of my siblings were behaving to my parents as you are to yours, I'd be furious.

mrsbitaly · 16/09/2021 08:47

This post comes across as being ungrateful. They are older and it's probably harder for them and if they say it's getting too much you have to respect that. Let's face it They are doing you a favour helping out. If it's not working then put your child in for an extra day at nursery

pommedeterre · 16/09/2021 08:48

Nursery. Free childcare is a minefield.

steppingcarefully · 16/09/2021 08:48

@Wagglerock

Do you turn into a pumpkin after 7pm or something? I can't imagine an actual adult thinking 6pm was late to be getting back to their house, especially if you're having a child free night.

You're being a CF. Pay for nursery.

My thoughts exactly!

A 2 year old is hard work all afternoon Sunday, bedtime, overnight then all of the following day. Wow, you're not expecting much are you?! You are taking your parents for granted and they probably feel it's their duty to look after your child. Even getting there at 5pm will still impact on their weekend. It's not an arrangement I would want every week.