Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:
BobsBurgersisthebest · 16/09/2021 07:33

YABU.

They are grandparents, not childcare. Pay for an extra day in Nursery.

Pottedpalm · 16/09/2021 07:33

Why not take him later, in his pjs ready got bed. He can go straight to bed after a drink and a story and the GPs will have their Sunday,

mummabubs · 16/09/2021 07:34

This is why my parents made it clear from before my sister or I were even pregnant that they didn't wish to provide regular childcare for their grandchildren. They don't want to be tied down every week and want to be grandparents rather than carers. They're both nearing retirement and want to be able to go away during the week /be flexible in how they spend their time. We fully support them in this (and to be honest it's how I'd feel if we became grandparents!) OP, the clear solution here is nursery for the Monday. You've been so lucky to save money having 4/5 days a week covered for free so far, but I think to stop resentment building and to not take advantage of your parents it's best to take on the extra day of paid childcare, especially as your son is presumably already settled in that nursery?

kaleidoscopeheartless · 16/09/2021 07:34

Definitely put him in nursery for the extra day.

TolkiensFallow · 16/09/2021 07:35

They’re basically telling you they can’t manage the amount of childcare you are asking then for. So use more nursery.

ditalini · 16/09/2021 07:36

They are not being unreasonable to want him later on the Sunday, and on the face of it you're blowing their request to be there a few hours later out of all proportion.

By all means put him in nursery. It sounds simpler all round, but it would also be simple to have him at your parents' for tea, do bath and bed and still be home in good time.

mummabubs · 16/09/2021 07:36

Meant to add YABU for complaining about them complaining. They've been doing you a huge favour and saving you a crap tonne of money OP! You're effectively expecting them to be "on duty" two days every week AND overnight! To take that for granted is what's really unfair here!

MadeOfStarStuff · 16/09/2021 07:37

Surely this is a reverse? I’d like to think no one can be this self centred and oblivious!

On the off chance it’s real then YABVU just pay for nursery. Your parents are doing you a huge favour and you’re being an entitled brat about it. Pay for your own bloody childcare

Assuming you’re actually the parents, stop pandering to this behaviour!

Spandang · 16/09/2021 07:37

2pm handover is really difficult - I had a custody agreement for a 2pm Sunday handover and it meant Saturday nights staying with friends was difficult, we always had to be back by 2 and the traffic is unpredictable. You can’t go out for lunch, even a trip to the shops or whatever feels rushed. So I don’t think they’re being unreasonable.

I think nursery is a better idea all round. Just be kind when you explain it to them otherwise they may take offence.

Giraffe888 · 16/09/2021 07:38

YABU. You're basically getting free childcare from 3pm on Sunday until Monday night when you’re only at work on the Monday!

No reason why you can’t take him later on the Sunday

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 16/09/2021 07:39

It's good that they are able to be honest about how much they can cope with. I don't think it's OK for you to be cross with them.

I wonder if you can take him for about 5pm and then stay until he is in bed - you can do meal, bath and bedtime rather than requiring them to. If you left theirs at 7:30 you'd still be home by 8:30 which is not late.

Then they only have 1 day to look after your child.

I'd do this or I'd use nursery.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 16/09/2021 07:41

Put the child in nursery if you can afford it.
Your parents don’t want to do it!

londonrach · 16/09/2021 07:41

Pop in nursery...easier for all as closer to you...

gogohm · 16/09/2021 07:41

2pm seems really early for a sleepover, means they can't do anything on Sundays. 5pm seems like a good compromise, even if you spend an hour there you can be home for 7. You are very very fortunate!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 16/09/2021 07:44

Book him into nursery on the Monday and spend some time with him yourself on a Sunday. They aren't coping with it so nip it in the bud.

Clymene · 16/09/2021 07:45

It's unfair that you don't get home until 6pm on a Sunday? Yes put him in nursery.

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 07:45

This does read like a reverse, surely no-one could be this lacking in self awareness. OP do your husbands parents relish the 3 days free childcare they give you or would they be reluctant to say if it was too much?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 16/09/2021 07:46

You leave him there at 3pm on a Sunday, every week?
Really?
Put him in nursery. Give your parents their weekends back. Jeez.

toomuchlaundry · 16/09/2021 07:47

I would have thought you would want to spend more time with your DC too at the weekend if you work FT during the week

Lockdownbear · 16/09/2021 07:50

Why do you want to drop him off so early on a Sunday, you must feel like you hardly see him?
However it's not working for your parents so go with an extra nursery day.

mofro · 16/09/2021 07:50

Massively entitled OP! Put kid in nursery and pay for it and take him to play and grandparents and enjoy spending time with them

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2021 07:50

I live 45 mins away from my dd, I go to their house on Monday mornings and look after my grandchildren there because that’s what suits me. I wouldn’t want to be tied up every Sunday from mid afternoon, even if it was with my lovely grandchildren.
You are being really cheeky - your in laws and parents are saving you possibly up to £1000 a month in childcare costs!

Carrierpigeon · 16/09/2021 07:51

If your parents agree to continue, could you take DS bathed, fed and in PJs for 7? 3pm sounds very restrictive for them.

Three days with your ILs is a lot as well. It is more days a week than you and your DH are with him, so you might not realise what a big ask this is (no judgement, just wondering how sustainable this will be in the long term).

Nursery is likely to be the best solution. Although of course it's expensive and might not be a realistic alternative for you.

Immaculatemisconception · 16/09/2021 07:53

Nursery, definitely. Looking after a small child is bloody hard work and your parents have told you they are struggling.

Milkbottlelegs · 16/09/2021 07:53

Hahahah. Thanks for the laughs OP.

This must be a reverse?!