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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:
Port1aCastis · 16/09/2021 18:12

I'm hoping this is a wind up or are folks really this selfish and entitled

Fraine · 16/09/2021 18:16

@SoupDragon possibly. But these witch hunts just drone OPs away.

Crankley · 16/09/2021 18:59

I'm shocked you only take your child to your parents on a Sunday afternoon. If you took him/her on Saturday afternoon, you would only have to look after them for half a day a week. Hmm

WTF makes you think they should spend their lives looking after YOUR child?

What are you going to do when your in laws get sick of being treated like mugs and say no to doing three days a week?

You're entitled CFs.

Eralos · 16/09/2021 19:19

You get an child free night every week? Wow you’re so lucky!!! I don’t really know anyone with the amount of support you get and your complaining that it’s not fair that you get back later! 😂 umm ok..

BudrosBudrosGalli · 16/09/2021 19:33

Among of the very few OPs I have ever reported. Sounds like a total wind-up, one hit and run post. The level of entitlement and shitty attitude surely cannot be real.

Erwhatno · 16/09/2021 19:39

Guys, come on now.

lynntheyresexpeople · 16/09/2021 19:42

Why are you dropping him off so early on Sunday?? You're palming him off for half the day, expecting them to have him all day Monday - and are actually whining about it?
This must be a wind up

HalzTangz · 16/09/2021 19:46

So all they are asking is you take him at tea time not lunch time, I don't think they are being unreasonable. The journey is only an hour, you leave at 3 arrive at 4, stay for your hour catch up til 5 and back home by 6. Hardly a late time for you to be getting back home

ThinWomansBrain · 16/09/2021 19:52

you chose to have children - just because your in-laws don't object to providing free childcare is no reason to assume that your parents are happy to do the same and dump your offspring on them.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/09/2021 19:58

OP asked WWYD - pay for childcare and don't have any more children if you can't be arsed to look after them.

Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 16/09/2021 19:58

YABVU Taking the absolute piss. I pay for four day a week childcare for two and have no help. Grandparents do everything for siblings and it's quite unfair. I think you are taking the piss asking thinking that from 3pm on Sunday is reasonable. I'm genuinely wondering if this post is a joke!!

BurntO · 16/09/2021 19:59

YABVU. I’d feel so cheeky dropping my child off at 2pm for the next day!!! I’d be taking them in their pjs ready for bed ideally. They are literally saving you hundreds of pounds in child care. Yes the juggling is fucking hard (same stage for me right now but one at school to sort too) but it won’t be forever. If you don’t like that then put them in nursery 2 days but don’t tell yourself it’s because your parents are unaccommodating when it’s actually you being a CF.

You are beyond lucky your in-laws do three days a week FYI, don’t take them for granted the same way you are your parents

mamamalt · 16/09/2021 20:16

I would literally chop off an arm to have grandparents that would have my child over night or for a day ever let alone every week!!! You are so lucky.
2pm is so early, 5 or 6 is reasonable (in an amazingly reasonable situation!)

DixonD · 17/09/2021 00:21

Why do you only spend one full day a week with your child?

Nanny0gg · 17/09/2021 00:47

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

You will (deservedly)

You can look after your own fucking kids with that attitude.

We’ve done our time (with no grandparent help in my case)

ellyeth · 17/09/2021 01:03

They have the right to say it is too much for them. You seem to think you are doing them a favour, rather than the other way round. If you convey that attitude to them, it must be quite annoying for them.

It's probably better if you use a nursery.

Chilesstanton · 17/09/2021 04:50
Confused
LoislovesStewie · 17/09/2021 05:39

Who are the 17% who think the OP is NOT being unreasonable?

DarceyDashwood · 17/09/2021 06:20

If you’re lucky enough to have grandparents who are happy to have your child on Mondays I wouldn’t be taking the p**s and expecting them to have him for half of Sunday as well!!! They are entitled to their weekend!

Temple29 · 17/09/2021 06:35

I would put him in nursery from now on. Or I would call over at 6pm on Sunday and put him to bed myself at 7pm in your parents house to save them the hassle then drive home.

Saves you the drive Monday morning and they aren’t providing childcare on Sunday too.

isitweds9thseptyet · 17/09/2021 07:06

If i was in the arrangement id be dropping off in pjs and fed at 6.30-7. Still home in plenty time to watch a movie with DH and get an early night.

But. Its not working for any of you. So you do right to change it.

I think you should discuss it with them. Option a) stay as we are. Option b) he goes to nursery and they arrange to have gp time once a month or similar. Option c) you drop him Sunday evening and they take him to nursery for a half day on Mondays afternoon.

echt · 17/09/2021 07:14

@SoupDragon possibly. But these witch hunts just drone OPs away

  1. Not a witch hunt.
  2. They don't drive OPs away; there'll be another one along soon.
KaycePollard · 17/09/2021 07:17

YABU to complain. And also to use time with your DS as a way of controlling your parents by deciding that if they won’t do the hours you want, they can’t look after him at all.

Dee1975 · 17/09/2021 07:32

You both work full time, child in care 5 days a week, and of the 2 days you have off, you drop child off to parents for half of the Sunday.

And dropping child off later is an inconvenience for you?

Don’t you want to spend time with your child?

SoupDragon · 17/09/2021 08:40

[quote Fraine]@SoupDragon possibly. But these witch hunts just drone OPs away.[/quote]
What witch hunt?

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