Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

We are only in this situation where the are male gynaecologists than women because of social history, elitism and misogamy.

Well said @Feelingoktoday

I tend to prefer male doctors where possible and I actively try to avoid female massage therapists. I feel very exposed and like they are judging me for being so ugly in comparison to them.

I do see a male psychotherapist too and feel more comfortable talking to him about my csa than I do the female rape counsellor I was offered to see.

What I’m hearing is that a pregnant woman is stressed out (which is incredibly bad for the baby) because she’s been placed in a situation where a man’s feelings might be hurt by her needs.

Classic case of women’s needs being deprioritised for a man’s feelings (and btw he placed himself in this predictable and predicted situation).

Ffs. There are very few countries in the world where women are expected to allow strange men access to their private parts and very few times in history when it’s been seen as acceptable. Although the Victorians did have a law for a bit where a policeman could force an internal genital exam on any woman he chose from the street, in the name of sexual health - worth remembering what the British authorities have inflicted on women’s bodies in the name of health… I mention this because it is obvious that was wrong but it is less obviously - yet equally - wrong to bully a pregnant woman into letting strange men handle her genitals and do internal exams such as a sweep etc.

I personally think that as long as the person is trained it is wrong to specify the sex, after all many gynaecologists are male - would she refuse treatment?

She can, fine. I did. I even got a female consultant. But when things went wrong the team that saved my son’s life (and mine) were all male because men are more likely to go into surgical fields. Even the nurses / midwives were men. So she should be prepared for that.

I had an excellent male midwife looking after me after my dd’s difficult birth. He was brilliant and so respectful, kind and caring - I wouldn’t change him for anyone. The male doctor who helped deliver her was also great, and very compassionate when I had all sorts of issues with my catheter after the birth - a lot more so than some of the female doctors I also dealt with. I also saw a lovely male consultant during my pregnancy. Personally I really couldn’t care less about the sex of medical staff. I care about their competence and bedside manner. The male registrar spotted something early that may have saved my and my daughter’s lives and definitely prevented some serious complications. Why would I want to rule out half the doctors who could care for me and their knowledge and skills?

What situation has she "been placed in" @Skysblue? She lives in a country with free at the point of use medical care where she is entitled to request female only care. If she's stressed it's because other people (in this case a friend) has a different pov about her choices. That's the problem w friends, they have opinions and sometimes express them.

YANBU OP.

My sister had a male midwife who was great but the baby was coming out of the sun roof so slightly different situation than a natural labour.

@Feelingoktoday

Give it 20 years and there will be more females in female gynaecology then men. More women are going into medicine then men. We are only in this situation where the are male gynaecologists than women because of social history, elitism and misogamy.

Just ask a man on the street or in the pub what they think of male gynaecologists. Yet women are not allowed to choose the sex of a midwife.

The other year our entire cohort of obs/gynae reg were women. Not a single man. They normally outnumber the men and actually I think we only have one male consultant now.

Ah I love how in this day and age, women should be allowed to do any job a man can do, but not the other way around!

And if we were talking about a female changing your gear box, or a man making up a bouquet of flowers for you, then I’d agree. But we’re talking about giving someone of the opposite sex completely open access to your genitals at a time when you’re likely to be feeling extremely vulnerable. Irrespective of her reasons, she’s entitled to have her boundaries.

But we’re talking about giving someone of the opposite sex completely open access to your genitals at a time when you’re likely to be feeling extremely vulnerable. Irrespective of her reasons, she’s entitled to have her boundaries

Absolutely this. And i find it appalling that other women can’t see this !

Just because you are comfortable does not mean that other women are!

My DF was a nurse, (and something of a novelty still even until his retirement) and my DH is also a trained medical professional so I understand that men can be wonderful HCPs , but guess what - I would still request female HCPs for anything gynae related.

@Porcupineintherough

What situation has she "been placed in" *@Skysblue*? She lives in a country with free at the point of use medical care where she is entitled to request female only care. If she's stressed it's because other people (in this case a friend) has a different pov about her choices. That's the problem w friends, they have opinions and sometimes express them.

She's been placed in a situation by her friend, who has made her feel like her decision is not valid, and that she must consider the feelings of a hypothetical hcp over her own, as the patient. That situation.

With my first labour, I asked for only female midwives to be in the room unless there was an emergency then the prime minister and his uncle could be in there for all I cared.

As it happens ds was stuck and I needed a male doctor and a male paediatrician in to help deliver and save ds’s life. In fact there were about 15 people in the room during the delivery!

With my second labour I made no requests! 😂😂

@Sn0tnose

Ah I love how in this day and age, women should be allowed to do any job a man can do, but not the other way around!

And if we were talking about a female changing your gear box, or a man making up a bouquet of flowers for you, then I’d agree. But we’re talking about giving someone of the opposite sex completely open access to your genitals at a time when you’re likely to be feeling extremely vulnerable. Irrespective of her reasons, she’s entitled to have her boundaries.

Absolutely!! Quite happy for a man to fiddle in my gear box but not my front box thanks. However if I have no choice then so be it - but please do not take that choice away from me. It’s not your decision to do so.

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

Because the vast majority of men "given full access" are the partners of the women concerned, not a bloke she has never seen before! Women are not obliged to give unknown men "access" to their genitalia if they don't consent to it.
Of all the daft takes....

@RosesAndHellebores

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

WTF?

This thread has been a depressing read on the whole, but this is just... WTF?

I had a male doctor come in and turn DS. It didn't bother me but I can see why people would want only female.

She shouldn't care what her friends think of her.

@RosesAndHellebores

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

Funnily enough, I know the man I sleep with quite well. I don't know hcp's from Adam (literally).

Of all the people on this thread clutching at straws and trying desperately to have a valid form of input, your comment wins for being the most pathetic attempt.

@RosesAndHellebores

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

Astonishing that you have difficulty comprehending the ridiculous scenario you have constructed.

@RosesAndHellebores

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

You're joking right?

@RosesAndHellebores

What I have difficulty with here, is the fact that whilst a man was given full access to put the baby in there, a suitably qualified, professional man can't be given access to help said baby out.

I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.

This is possibly the most bizarre comment I have ever seen on MN.

I really hope this is a joke.

I doubt it is a joke. But it's a stunning example of lack of empathy..

I was consultant led (woman) she was brutal and completely lacking in empathy, my main midwife in hospital was female and the same, neither listened, both very dismissive and talked over me. She went on break and a male midwife came round, he was lovely, kind, reassuring, actually put in the request for an epidural that my midwife said she had whilst rolling her eyes, he also had a lovely friendly manner. I was disappointed when he was going and she was coming back. The consultant anaesthetist who botched my epidural was a woman as was the midwife who want listening when I was telling her it hasn't worked so I gave birth with just gas and air, fine if that's what you wanted but it wasn't for me. The surgeon who performed my emergency surgery and ventouse when DS got stuck and distressed was a man, very calm, non judgemental - I was pretty distressed by that point. The nurse who sewed me up and the midwife on the ward after were both lovely. So I had a mixed experience that had nothing to do with their sex.
However, I feel very strongly you should be able to request your own sex for medical issues if that's what you feel comfortable with, my dad has had some intimate medical issues and requested a male doctor. Absolutely fine.

@gogohm

I personally think that as long as the person is trained it is wrong to specify the sex, after all many gynaecologists are male - would she refuse treatment?

The fact that many gynaecologists are men doesn’t make it right. I hated that to be honest and hated being told by a man how to handle post birth injuries.

Women have the right to chose whether they want a male midwife or not. Childbirth is not a medical condition to be treated, it’s a natural part of the human experience to be supported. It needs “treatment” when it goes wrong, and putting a woman under stress will mean things are more likely to go wrong!!