‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Champagne and yes pointless cupcakes

Swimming. So much getting changed then getting wet then drying off and getting dressed again, hair drying, makeup back on, knickers all twisted up. Cold. No thanks

And big faffy afternoon teas. Pointless! Sugar overload, not a proper meal, loads of money

Love baths and martinis though, they can stay!!

Camping
Take Away's
Wearing heels
Sharing a bath
Work do's

Also massages, absolutely love the actual massaging, but:
Worried I will fart
Worried I haven't shaved enough
Worried I am too flabby
When they finish and tell you to come out when you are ready, worried what a respectable amount of time is (Out too soon means not relaxed and massage was bad? Out too late means taking the piss?)
Worried about if I'm supposed to leave a tip, and how much, and whether to leave it in the room, slip it to the masseuse, add to payment?

@fuzzymoomin

Also massages, absolutely love the actual massaging, but: Worried I will fart Worried I haven't shaved enough Worried I am too flabby When they finish and tell you to come out when you are ready, worried what a respectable amount of time is (Out too soon means not relaxed and massage was bad? Out too late means taking the piss?) Worried about if I'm supposed to leave a tip, and how much, and whether to leave it in the room, slip it to the masseuse, add to payment?

As a massage therapist, I can tell you that points 2 and 3 are irrelevant and do not matter at all. Point 1 - well so long as you acknowledge and apologise, that's fine - if it's noxious, then there might be a couple of minutes' delay (and some fanning!), but mostly we just get on with it. I wouldn't take more than 5 minutes to get dressed, if you can manage it ok in that time - usually there is another client waiting afterwards. If you have any kind of disability that makes dressing slow, then a bit longer would be ok. Tip? I had one client out of many who would tip me - she was a hairdresser, so took tips herself - I kept saying it was unnecessary, but she wanted to. I don't believe tips are expected for massages in a therapeutic setting - no idea about beauty salon types though. If you're insistent on tipping, then probably best to just give it to the masseuse (same as you would for a waiter)

@Squeakycatflap

Food sex.

What is that?

Do you mean doing it to yourself with a banana/cucumber etc?

Family hikes
board games
sports on tv
Watching any child play any sport at any time ever.
" " " " " " " musical instrument any time ever unless I am allowed to laugh out loud scornfully.
Looking at photos/slideshows/videos of pets/grandchildren/vacations.
Trying on bathing suits.

@WheelieBinPrincess

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

I hate breakfast in bed - burnt toast, not enough butter, eggs not as I'd like, tea too milky. I gave DH specific instructions for my birthday, and had to proclaim joy too as he was so enthusiastic

Sharing a romantic bath.

Sharing a romantic shower.

Receiving a bouquet of mixed flowers - - cue a week of desperately trying to keep them alive as long as possible, sweeping up fallen petals, picking off brown/slimy leaves, topping up/changing the water, pulling out the ones that die first - which disturbance causes loads of petals to fall from the others - adding the little packets of flower food...

When I have done all I can to keep them alive and they die anyway, It's honestly a relief to enclose all the stems in my hand and dump them in the kitchen bin.

Then there's the half an hour scrubbing the slime and water marks off the glass vase!

Krispy Kreme donuts

I ate my first (and definitely last!) one recently.
I have a sweet tooth but this was soooo cloyingly sugary that I'm surprised my pancreas didn't explode

@idontlikealdi

Baths Lobster Anything with kids that makes mess eg baking, play doh, fucking kinetic sand Restaurants with kids until they are old enough to be good company - I don't way to pay to sit there and colour in or do stickers. Spas Afternoon tea

"Fucking kinetic sand" this 💯

@BruceAndNosh

Krispy Kreme donuts

I ate my first (and definitely last!) one recently.
I have a sweet tooth but this was soooo cloyingly sugary that I'm surprised my pancreas didn't explode

Something on here I do actually like! The nutty chocolatta ones are divine.

Naps, or any daytime sleeping
Hotel rooms
Spa treatments

I love baths. I'm surprised so many people don't enjoy them.

Going to the hairdressers. My neck hurts in the wash basin, sometimes they just don't listen to what you say, anxiety about whether your new haircut will be decent or not

Any sort of wedding that involves hay bales

Parties, New Year’s Eve, unexpected visitors and camping are things I can’t stand but I love baths ( people who hate the Lush bath bombs should try a bubble bar, they’re amazing), massages and flowers 💐

Barbecues on the beach with my dd ! Always such a nice idea until the seagulls start to hover, the barbecue won't light and the sausages end up burnt or undercooked !

@DragonflyFairy

Champagne and Prosecco.

Love a fizzy drink but always disappointed by these.

I do like Cremant and Nyetimber though!

Nyetimber yes! 👏🏻

Wedding dress shopping. Way too much pressure very disappointing
Love Baths - just reading my kindle not getting clean
Day drinking when you hit the 3pm slump
Christmas
NYE
Hen parties

I agree with many of these but…the cup of tea in bed in the morning is absolutely necessary. I’m not getting up without it. We live by the rule that whoever gets up first makes it. Also…naps! I love a good nap and wake up feeling lots more energized. If I didn’t nap I would be in bed by 9pm!

Sourdough bread - if I wanted my bread to taste sour I would sprinkle some vinegar on my Hovis

@Maskless God yes, mixed bouquets are a pain in the arse. Sticking with one variety of flower is so much easier.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad Thanks for this reply, so kind and helpful! You may well have "saved" massages for me.

Thanks for all these I’m not sure there’s one I don’t agree with yet 😂

I started this thread yesterday to kill time while was waiting to go down for my c-section so I’m really enjoying catching up now