‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

A long, hot bath. I always feel really sweaty and restless after one. I worry about dropping my book, a glass of wine always turns really hot and to condensation within minutes, and the bubbles dissipate in a really disappointing way.

Roast dinner. Don't mind it too much if someone else has made it, but if I've cooked it, I'm sick of the sight of it by the time I sit down.

@Thewiseoneincognito

Cocktails. Paying an extortionate amount of money for something that tends to taste either extremely sweet or ‘botanical’ 🤢 which was ‘crafted’ by a wanky mixologist. Usually lasts all of three sips before you reach an iceberg of ice and some leaves. You then keep trying to drink the ice water for a few minutes hoping some infused juice comes through, followed by a heavy feeling you’ve been robbed and realising you’ll need to buy another drink so you don’t look tight.

So true, sucking through the straw for dear life.

Face masques of any sort
Bailey’s cheesecake
Oreos
Supermarket flowers that are already open and on their way out when you buy them.
Tea pigs tea
Lovely wooden toys that double as offensive weapons.
Golden retrievers which look beautiful but make your house smell.
Wet rooms

I used to hate baths but have recently really got into them, so this one can change!

Weekends

A day off work. I just waddle round the house finding shit jobs to do but can't be arsed doing them then before you know it the day is over, I've accomplished nothing but sinking a bottle of wine and now have to go back to work with a hangover

The beach on a hot day (lovely at any other time.)
Spending time with anyone in my family, apart from my lovely DD.

@SilverConvention

Dogs. They just stink, they slobber and shit everywhere, leave hair on everything, are energy drains, and cost a fortune. Picking up their shit. Not nice!

Agree! Yappy crappy things.

Breakfast in bed defo, I've had friends snap their breakfast in bed and all I can think was surely you need to go to the bathroom, and forget that what about all the crumbs going on the bed or accidentally spilling tea/juice? No thank you I would much rather prefer my breakfast at the table. Who even invented breakfast in bed, it's not a romantic sweet idea at all, I reckon they just make it look good on tv and people then try to imitate in real life and make them self like it.

Anything involving kids too! Lol. Cooking baking with them, no way, shopping, even eating with them I dislike. We had a bbq at the weekend, at the end of it I said to dh, next time we need to have a bbq just the two of us without the kids, because by the time we've ensured they have got their food eating, mine has gone cold, and the constant moaning and complaints coming from the kids,,,lord

And even on a day to day basis of eating together as a family, I can't deal as the kids will always mention something super gross and put me off my food!!

Coffee. How, HOW, can it smell so nice and taste so much like a fucking ashtray? And why, knowing this (and that it invariably gives me the jitters and a splitting headache) do I STILL occasionally get carried away with the lovely smell and order a latte? How people can drink it all day every day is beyond me. Give me team or give me death!

Cunnilingus. Either overstimulating to the point of discomfort or, well, lying there feeling vaguely awkward waiting for them to pack it in and move on to the actual shagging. I think I used to enjoy it when I was young, but when I was young I had an extremely high libido and you pretty much just had to look at me funny to turn me on. For whatever reason, post two kids, frankly it takes a lot to get me going and keep me interested, and lying on my back unable to really participate and being "pleasured" is just the most enormous buzzkill! If I want to "focus on my pleasure" I can do so far more efficiently on my own. If I want to have sex with someone I want to do it with them, not be 'done to'. B

Please don't everyone tell me "you just haven't had it done right!" I have, in the past, by my partner. He hasn't changed what he does, it just isn't doing it for me anymore!

Figs. Seem to be marketed as dead luxurious and exotic, actually texturally quite like eating pulverised beetles - fresh they're watery and flavourless, dried they're chewy and far too sweet.

Centre Parcs

Baths

Also yeeeees dogs. And cats! Bloody wastes of time and energy. We should never have domesticated them!

@LaBellina

Beach days with kids Sunday afternoons- I always dread the thought of monday morning coming up New Year’s Eve - I just want a relaxed evening and no pressure to make a fuss over the last evening of the year

We both hate NYE and always opt for an early night......until some stupid neighbour decides to wake up the entire neighbourhood with fireworks at 12.01am! Gets us every year.....

Clean sheets. I like them, but not stripping and making the sodding bastard bed.

Unpacking after a trip away.

Who ever said that was nice?

Food Festivals

See also: christmas markets.

A night out on the town. I look forward to it then find I have nothing to wear and feel like I look crap, then after being out for an hour feel like I want to go home as I'm sick of rowdy drunk people and feel out of place and awkward.

Bloody love a Premier Inn, me!

The one thing I have really missed during Covid is a premier inn breakfast. I’m not going back til they go back to buffets.

Scones

The horror of massages

Oh, I love a massage, I go every couple of weeks. If I don’t my muscles are really tight.

Facials, though? Definitely not. I had one once and thought “there are people starving in the world and I am paying someone to wash my face, then try to sell me all the “vitally important” and massively expensive products.” I couldn’t relax after that thought.

@LeafOfTruth

Anything involving a spa. Spa Days honestly sound like torture days, to me.

If someone gave me the option of a spa day or a day cleaning the fat out the sewers, I'd take the latter

This!

The smell of cut grass - just gives me hayfever.
Watching TV with a home made hot choc at home. Rubbish. Never tastes as nice as if it had come from Costa. Can never stir it enough so it's just like drinking warm water with sludge left at the bottom.
Holidays with kids. Love my kids but it's hard work
Getting a new car. Too much paperwork and faff sorting insurance
A three or four part drama that everyone's talking about . Record it then never get round to watching it.
Takeaways seems a good idea at the time then I get ibs the next day!
Manicures. Too boring just sitting there for so long.
Getting purses or jewellery as presents. Nine times out of ten it's not what you would have picked yourself!

Also just thought of another. Houseplants. Clutter the place up and then have to water the dam things. My life is busy enough without that!

S’mores or any sort of melted marshmallow concoction..sounds delish, roasted marshmallow over a fire… reality is a vile sticky mess.. even my kids think they’re horrible..