To feel at a loss as to what to do about my DD’s bully?

[TheWindow]

They’re 13 and this has been going on for about 6 months. Bully and her two sidekicks took an instant dislike to my DD and seem to be waging some sort of campaign again her, and nobody seems able to stop them.

They constantly create fake profiles and call from withheld numbers to harass her online. We control DD’s social media and phone use quite heavily, she has parental controls and time limits, and the girls have all been blocked on their usual numbers/accounts. Yet still they continue and no sooner than the social media companies ban one account, another appears.

They spread stupid rumours about her (she’s mentally ill, she’s gay, she once stabbed someone?!) around school, and have threatened (verbally) to stab her, yet the police were useless first time they came round - spoke to ringleader’s parents, who clearly don’t give a shit - and said ‘there’s not much we can do as ‘she’s only a kid’.

Bully and some boys came to our house over the weekend and threw stones and eggs at our house, DH caught it on camera. Police didn’t even come out.

DD has to be driven to and from school as the girl has gathered a big group of older teens to follow my DD and threaten her - yet the school have just spoken to her parents and said they’re ‘keeping an eye’.

Bully seems to be online at all hours of the night, out on the street at night, no supervision. Parents, school and police aren’t giving her any consequences. So of course she continues. I’m so fucking dresses out about it. Poor DD is a quiet, academic, sporty girl with a small group of close friends. She’s very low drama and to this day hasn't once replied or retaliated. She just holds up her head and walks away. But I’m fucking sick of it. What should I be doing next? I’m trying to be a good role model to DD by going through the proper channels, but right now I feel like chasing bully down the street and giving her the slap of her life.

stressed out about it

I would consider calling social services as this girl is obviously not being looked after. Perhaps that would give her parents the shock they need.

@TheWindow Sorry to hear this I was badly bullied as was one of my closest friends. Luckily, this was before social media was a big thing so it was literally at school and in the local area when we were out and about. Our parents contacted school, the police etc but it stopped for a bit and then continued. Truthfully, the only thing that stopped it was when I'd had enough of it and turned around and lamped the main one!

I’d take her out of that school. I know it’s not fair and it shouldn’t be her moving…but I would. I was bullied in school ( thank god no social media back then, so not as badly as your poor girl) and the school never did enough.

I would be be putting pressure on the school to do more, they have a duty of care to your daughter

[quote StarfishDish]@TheWindow Sorry to hear this I was badly bullied as was one of my closest friends. Luckily, this was before social media was a big thing so it was literally at school and in the local area when we were out and about. Our parents contacted school, the police etc but it stopped for a bit and then continued. Truthfully, the only thing that stopped it was when I'd had enough of it and turned around and lamped the main one![/quote]
This is the approach I'll be suggesting if my DC ever gets bullied.

I've also been bullied and wish I'd done it.

@FightingtheFoo Horrible isn't it! My Mum always said 'Smack the biggest one and they'll soon stop'. I was always petrified of the repercussions though. However, one day, enough was enough and I did push back. I wish I'd done it sooner. But like you, my daughter will be told to hit back!

Put a rocket up the school's arse by paying an education solicitor to write to them pointing out they are not safeguarding their student (your daughter) and all sorts of policies they are probably supposed to be following. A decent solicitor know what to say.

For example
(I have no experience of them they just showed up in a Google Search) www.stephensons.co.uk/site/individuals/education/bullyinginschools/

13 is above the age of criminal responsibility. Have you documented everything? I'd demand a discussion with a police officer re harassment. Potentially even get an solicitor to advise on getting a anti-harrassment order

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

@FightingtheFoo I did get threatened with detention though as I should have told the teacher

Move school,.she is only 13, so many years still ahead get her out

This is awful. Could you also write to the Chair of Governors saying you are concerned the schools Safeguarding policy is not being followed. to you both.

Awful op. I'd also be tempted to look into her moving schools. Is that something which might be possible?

I was bullied in an identical way.
And I thank God social media wasn't around back then.
I feel so sorry for your daughter.
I ended up moving schools in the end. I left my friends that I had know for years and it was a wrench but it was the best decision I ever made.

Like you are experiencing, police and school were useless.

Why should the poor dd move schools away from her friends?

Agree about the solicitors letter might put the wind up the useless parents.
I would push push push back at teachers and the police. Make them do their bloody jobs.

The school need to do more , its not on that schools still don’t deal with bullying. Keep a eye out is not dealing with it . Keep a diary contact the head / governor anyone . This needs dealing with your poor dc must be awful for to live with day in day out . Contact the school tomorrow and say you want action and just keep pushing . I was bullied at school and I would honestly not have it that they say keep a eye out pitiful response from the school .

Go to the school and threaten the bully. Works.

Is there a reason you've haven't pulled her out of that school?

Regardless, you need to put a rocket up the school. Tell them they are failing your daughter by not adequately dealing with the bully so you are reporting them to Ofsted, which you should definitely do. Schools hate that. Then continue to log every incident with the police so there is a record of it.

But you're a better person than me. I'd have screamed blue murder at the little shit by now!

This is awful. My worst nightmare, no advice apart from paying someone to give her a slap awful situation for you and DD.

I was bullied in junior school once, I thumped the bully and knocked her out. Pooped my pants, but was never bullied again.

I’d suggest some kind of martial art for your DD, something to build confidence and make her feel more self assured, confident and feel she can protect herself.

@Nmaraj

Go to the school and threaten the bully. Works.

Yeah course. You know all the bullies.

All the bullies are scared of a mummy

Report her directly to the social media account providers - they will ban her IP address if you filed a police report

@HurryUpAndWait23 What would you suggest?

You shouldn't have to move and it's absolutely appalling that this is happening but I genuinely don't know what else to suggest. School will have a head of year, a SENCO and one of the assistant heads or senior leader team will be in charge of behaviour so keep pushing and asking for those people to help. It's incredibly frustrating though as she will have different lessons with different teachers and they will have different ways of dealing with it if they see it happening in their class so it's impossible to create a consistent approach in secondary school.
I would try the solicitors letter. You could ask the school to facilitate a meeting between you and the ring leaders parents and go in with lots of evidence that can't be shrugged off (camera stills, messages) lay it out and explain that you want it to stop or you will be pressing charges for harassment.
I personally would move. She has time to make new friends and enjoy school.

Make fake profiles for the fucking bullies. Make out that they are the most STD ridden, scummy little dick heads. Honestly- this is what I would do after doing all the sensible things, all the things you have done already.

Go to school and make an absolute scene.

And, I'm not ashamed to say, I would confront them myself, and be ready to humiliate them if needed. Not great, but true. No one will dare bully my kids- I will put myself on the line if I have to.

@MsTSwift

Why should the poor dd move schools away from her friends?

Agree about the solicitors letter might put the wind up the useless parents.
I would push push push back at teachers and the police. Make them do their bloody jobs.

She shouldn't have to. She shouldn't be being bullied either. But it's happening!

I'd look into it if it was my DD. I was picked on pretty badly at school and still have no idea why my parents never considered moving me out. I'd have loved to have moved school! But not saying it's the only option, just that it's one I'd consider.

[quote StarfishDish]@HurryUpAndWait23 What would you suggest?[/quote]
RTFT