To feel at a loss as to what to do about my DD’s bully?

[TheWindow]

They’re 13 and this has been going on for about 6 months. Bully and her two sidekicks took an instant dislike to my DD and seem to be waging some sort of campaign again her, and nobody seems able to stop them.

They constantly create fake profiles and call from withheld numbers to harass her online. We control DD’s social media and phone use quite heavily, she has parental controls and time limits, and the girls have all been blocked on their usual numbers/accounts. Yet still they continue and no sooner than the social media companies ban one account, another appears.

They spread stupid rumours about her (she’s mentally ill, she’s gay, she once stabbed someone?!) around school, and have threatened (verbally) to stab her, yet the police were useless first time they came round - spoke to ringleader’s parents, who clearly don’t give a shit - and said ‘there’s not much we can do as ‘she’s only a kid’.

Bully and some boys came to our house over the weekend and threw stones and eggs at our house, DH caught it on camera. Police didn’t even come out.

DD has to be driven to and from school as the girl has gathered a big group of older teens to follow my DD and threaten her - yet the school have just spoken to her parents and said they’re ‘keeping an eye’.

Bully seems to be online at all hours of the night, out on the street at night, no supervision. Parents, school and police aren’t giving her any consequences. So of course she continues. I’m so fucking dresses out about it. Poor DD is a quiet, academic, sporty girl with a small group of close friends. She’s very low drama and to this day hasn't once replied or retaliated. She just holds up her head and walks away. But I’m fucking sick of it. What should I be doing next? I’m trying to be a good role model to DD by going through the proper channels, but right now I feel like chasing bully down the street and giving her the slap of her life.

Also do NOT do the "just give them a punch" route.

It doesn't work. They'll either lunch her twice as hard back or they'll set upon her with mates and make her life an even bigger living hell. And rightly or wrongly the school will look upon her less favourably if she behaves violently.

I do wish people wouldn't give this advise!!

@sausagepastapot

Make fake profiles for the fucking bullies. Make out that they are the most STD ridden, scummy little dick heads. Honestly- this is what I would do after doing all the sensible things, all the things you have done already.

Go to school and make an absolute scene.

And, I'm not ashamed to say, I would confront them myself, and be ready to humiliate them if needed. Not great, but true. No one will dare bully my kids- I will put myself on the line if I have to.

FFS there's some god awful advice on this thread.

Contact the school again after every incident, tell them it needs to be logged as a safeguarding concern. Point out that the update to the keeping Children Safe in Education document that they will have literally just had staff training on specifically includes peer-on-peer abuse as a safeguarding concern.

If they continue to do nothing/very little/keep and eye escalate to governors and then OFSTED, asking for a investigation into how safeguarding procedures are being followed.

Hi OP. Awful situation. Just to give the school's perspective (though it's probably obvious!). My husband handles complaints of this nature against schools (if it should be escalated or you involve education solicitors):

It's pretty obvious which of the two kids they'll favour: the quiet, sporty, academic one......or the nasty little cow.

Keep giving them tangible things to work with. As others have said, record EVERYTHING. The egg throwing footage should be useful. Video, if you can get it, is also complex, but ultimately useful (even if filming is against school rules- my husband's working on a case like this at the moment)

Keep lists of incidents, and be as specific as possible including dates.

I'd guess that the school are being professional but probably want her out. To do that there has to be a lot of evidence.

Now I'm not victim blaming here, and you don't need to answer- but just a couple of things:

1. What's in it for the bully? Why on earth is she interested? Is it your daughter's reaction? Is there a history? It just feels like the bully is getting nothing out of it- and it must be quite a bit of effort
2. Is your daughter the only one? Are others being bullied? What about the crew of older teenagers? It's strange they'd bully at the behest of a younger child.

Good luck OP. I hope something on this thread is useful.

[quote MojoMoon]Put a rocket up the school's arse by paying an education solicitor to write to them pointing out they are not safeguarding their student (your daughter) and all sorts of policies they are probably supposed to be following. A decent solicitor know what to say.

For example
(I have no experience of them they just showed up in a Google Search) www.stephensons.co.uk/site/individuals/education/bullyinginschools/

13 is above the age of criminal responsibility. Have you documented everything? I'd demand a discussion with a police officer re harassment. Potentially even get an solicitor to advise on getting a anti-harrassment order

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/[/quote]
This is the most advisable rote. Log EVERYTHING. Ask for a copy of the schools bullying policy if it's not on their website. Only deal with Headteacher at this stage copying in board of Governors.

You are NOT powerless but you may well have to fight to get this taken as seriously as it needs to be.

I had similar. School were worse than useless.
I contacted the head of year, asked for a copy of their bullying policy and behaviour policy and contact details for board of governers. A teacher friend told me if you go the the board of governers re a bullying problem often have to be involved. Spurred them into action. Good luck.