To feel at a loss as to what to do about my DD’s bully?

[TheWindow]

They’re 13 and this has been going on for about 6 months. Bully and her two sidekicks took an instant dislike to my DD and seem to be waging some sort of campaign again her, and nobody seems able to stop them.

They constantly create fake profiles and call from withheld numbers to harass her online. We control DD’s social media and phone use quite heavily, she has parental controls and time limits, and the girls have all been blocked on their usual numbers/accounts. Yet still they continue and no sooner than the social media companies ban one account, another appears.

They spread stupid rumours about her (she’s mentally ill, she’s gay, she once stabbed someone?!) around school, and have threatened (verbally) to stab her, yet the police were useless first time they came round - spoke to ringleader’s parents, who clearly don’t give a shit - and said ‘there’s not much we can do as ‘she’s only a kid’.

Bully and some boys came to our house over the weekend and threw stones and eggs at our house, DH caught it on camera. Police didn’t even come out.

DD has to be driven to and from school as the girl has gathered a big group of older teens to follow my DD and threaten her - yet the school have just spoken to her parents and said they’re ‘keeping an eye’.

Bully seems to be online at all hours of the night, out on the street at night, no supervision. Parents, school and police aren’t giving her any consequences. So of course she continues. I’m so fucking dresses out about it. Poor DD is a quiet, academic, sporty girl with a small group of close friends. She’s very low drama and to this day hasn't once replied or retaliated. She just holds up her head and walks away. But I’m fucking sick of it. What should I be doing next? I’m trying to be a good role model to DD by going through the proper channels, but right now I feel like chasing bully down the street and giving her the slap of her life.

There's several things you could try.

Complain to the governors.

Call the police every time these girls do something which is a criminal offence (including the online harassment).

Seek an injunction against them to stop the behaviour.

One solution I wouldn't condone but which I have heard suggested in the past is to print "Bully" leaflets with these girls' photos and names and details of their behaviour and distribute round the school. I know someone who claims to have done this at school when they were being bullied but I'm not sure I believe them. Besides anything else, I imagine the school would come down quite hard even if the allegations are all true.

How awful.please, please go to the police, the head, the governors, the teachers and make a huge stink . Hats off to your daughter for being such a star. I just think that if the bully has no consequences to face she will carry on and/or find a new victim.good luck to you both.xx

My DD 7 gets bullied, to the point I went out to mum who also thought her daughter was perfect I'd been 3 times before I told mum if it was to carry on that she had better watch her back as I was going to become the bully to her mother!! Child stopped bulling my DD, although there is another child who's 8 nearly 9 starting with DD atm 3 strikes and ill be at there mothers door, stick up for your DD and get it sorted!!at 13 this girl knows what she's doing go to her parents your self! Police solve when it comes to a child being bullied until it's too late, No child should be bullied

My daughter is also 13 and has been bullied for years. It all came to a head recently when she was assaulted by a group of them.

She is a quiet girl and has ASD. She really has done nothing to deserve this. I’ve spoken to parents, the school and the police, but it makes no difference. Doing the right thing and taking the moral high ground hasn’t worked for us, sadly.

I wish I could go full blown Peaky Blinders on them - take the ringleader by the throat and threaten to break her fucking legs if she doesn’t stop. I’m sure it would be more effective!

All those saying give her a slap blah blah, I don't believe most of you would do this. It's pretty obvious that if you are the adult, and you go around hitting/beating up a child which you would have to do quite successfully to genuinely make them very frightened, you would be liable to be prosecuted, doubly so if they had it on social media/video/street cameras/camera in school (think about it!!!!) and triply so if you antagonise a whole aggressive family who might decide that tit for tat is exactly the game they would like to play.

Totally stupid advice for the vast majority of people, because unless your daughter is genuinely able to fight, and most quiet nice girls can't, it's just not an option.

If you are related or know a tough family in your area, it's more plausible, I lived on the same road as this type of family who let me know more than once that they had our backs if there was any trouble and they would sort this type of situation out, but barring that, being aggressive/violent is stupid unless you are a scary person and/or you can't get caught which rules out 99% of mumsnet!

Some of the other suggestions are very good; move school, get a solicitor involved to kick the school, get an order for her not to come near your dd, report report report to the police. Don't accept their 'she's just a kid' or 'we can't do anything about online accounts' crap, they can, they just would rather you went away. I would keep her off school if you need to as well.

Report the eggs/harassment to the community police, install a Ring doorbell or cameras in your home if you can.

You poor thing, you must feel under siege, but this will change going forward. Really drastic suggestion, but I'm presuming there's no way you could just move out of the area and re-set things that way? I recently moved away from a troublesome neighbourhood and it's lovely to be away from all that crap.

If you write a letter to the school governors,this will have to be kept on file and when there's an Ofsted inspection,they'll want to know what action was taken.This will hopefully push the school to deal with the bully.

I was bullied very badly.
I joined a boxing club, knocked the bullies out and became the hard girl at school. My year group was known after year 8 as zero bullying reported. Because I would kick 2 tons of shit out of anyone who tried bullying anyone.

Fast forward ten years my sister ended up being bullied. I took the bullies older sister, knocked her out a few times, whacked the mother up.
Bullying stopped.

Honestly violence does work in a lot of bullying cases because bullied and their parents generally only know that sort of language.

Dreading my daughter starting school this year. At 28 it's never a good look to be violent but needs be.

I agree with the suggestion of consulting an education solicitor. Schools can be held accountable once they're been properly put on notice.

In the US we have laws that mandate a strong response to a report of bullying.

My first thought is to move her school.

But if you/she dont want this, my second thoughts are to insist the school follow their own bullying policy, kick up a (polite but appalling) stink with the police until they pull their heads out of their backsides and start acting and if you have a few thousand to spend - consult a solicitor. We found that involving a solicitor made all the difference in getting the authorities to take action when my elderly father was being abused but it cost £££.

Document everything with the school and the police.

Can you get some legal advice to see if you can take action against the parents?

I would be forcing the school to help with this? Does the bullying take place at school too? Have you written a formal complaint? Have they followed their own policy?

That sounds a little fantastical noir, esp considering they could have just called the police and reported you for assault.

Your poor girl! Martial arts classes immediately. Feel free to confront these girls yourself in a threatening manner. Yes, they're children blah blah blah. I'm teacher and I know how powerless proper channels are. She's a very easy target or they wouldn't do it. You have to make it more trouble than it's worth to bully her.

Schools are often paranoid about their public profile. Another thing you could do is go to the local press about there being a bullying problem at the school or post on local sites like Nextdoor about it. Even leave a bad Google review. Embarrass them into taking action.

1.look up and print off the schools bullying policy, are the following procedure?

1. contact the governors of the school
2. call social services
3. get the police involved
4. get the bulky thrown out of school

This sounds horrendous, your poor DD.

If that were me thought I'd find her another school. I know not fair as the bully never gets dealt with but it's going to have such a detrimental effect on your daughter, so I would move her. At 13 she's still young enough.

** Fast forward ten years my sister ended up being bullied. I took the bullies older sister, knocked her out a few times, whacked the mother up.
Bullying stopped.**

^Whacked the mother up

Fast forward ten years my sister ended up being bullied. I took the bullies older sister, knocked her out a few times, whacked the mother up.
Bullying stopped.

Of course you did, dear.

@HurryUpAndWait23

*Fast forward ten years my sister ended up being bullied. I took the bullies older sister, knocked her out a few times, whacked the mother up. Bullying stopped.*

Of course you did, dear.

Not like it really matters what you think.

But I did, and this stuff happens :)

@Porcupineintherough

That sounds a little fantastical noir, esp considering they could have just called the police and reported you for assault.

A council estate in a rough part of a city?! No-one in my former area would call the police up for fighting and assaults. They would just try get payback lol.

[quote StarfishDish]@HurryUpAndWait23 Have you ever been bullied? Bullies don't care about telling off from the teachers, bullying policies etc. They care about people that they deem to be 'weak' and fighting back usually puts a stop to that!![/quote]
I have said all along that police abs schools are useless.
But what is incredibly naive is to assume that a bigger person (or someone's mummy ) stands up to the bully.
9 times out of 10 the bully is part of a group and will always outnumber you.
From what the OP has said, there's one main bully but she certainly has cronies.

As I said, naive. And also ridiculous abs illegal to boot.
Most people have jobs they would be sacked from for threatening to hurt or in Noirs case, "whacking up the whole family" LOLS.

On a more helpful note.

I would advise

Self defence lessons.
Possibly moving schools.
Calling the police.

Your daughter sounds very mature though.

Yeah, when I was being bullied, I just got the main bully, sucker punched her and took her down. Her sidekick was coming at me, but I got her with a roundhouse kick. Then I firebombed their parents' house and rescued some people they had kidnapped and everyone cheered and cheered and then I got recruited by MI6, even though I was still at school, because I was double hard. And then I single handedly took down a terrorist network and then Brad Pitt proposed to me, but I said no - he's just not my type. So...yeah.

But meanwhile, in reality, there are some sensible suggestions on here if you ignore the "I am dead 'ard me" comments from Mumsnetters, (who are renowned for their skills in bare Knuckle boxing and MMA).

Tell your DD to lamp her. You think I'm kidding. The bullying soon stop though.

I too was bullied and moved schools aged 13, partly because we had moved a few miles away, but it was the best thing that could have happened. No more bullies and I made some good friends!

Your daughter deserves to feel safe at school. Bullying can affect a person for the rest of their lives. Bless her, I cry every time I hear of any bullying, I think I never got over it.

Get the schools bullying policy. Complaint to school govenors in writing. Formal complaint to police about harassment